As The Sun goes down

[fishponds]

Wishing you all Strength and love 💕 on your Journey’s

[HilsandR]

Hi Fishponds

Three years since losing the love of my life to PSP I rarely visit the forum these days but your post caught my attention.

Rod’s ashes are scattered on a beautiful beach in the UK that played a big part in our 46 years story - he now has eternal sunrises and sunsets and one day I will join him there. Just wanted to tell you that your stunning photo made me smile.

Best wishes,

Hils

[fishponds in reply to HilsandR]

Thank you Hils so pleased my photo made you smile my hubby passed away in December His ashes I will keep until it’s my time and then scattered together in a beautiful country park in Norfolk uk where we planted the many tree that are growing there Hugs Maggie 😘

[HilsandR in reply to fishponds]

So sorry to hear your news and best wishes as you navigate the twists and turns of grief. I hope you continue to enjoy taking photos of the beauty outside your door, nature is so healing and brings such joy. I am sure that you too will be comforted in the knowledge that one day you can be united again with your husband in a place that meant so much to you both.

Take care

Hils

x

[fishponds in reply to HilsandR]

Thank you Hils I’m trying to get back into taking more pics and getting into my garden that I love x

[Tippyleaf in reply to HilsandR]

What a beautiful photo - very uplifting . Hope you are doing OK on this strange new solo journey Love and hugs Tippy

[fishponds in reply to Tippyleaf]

Thank you very much Tippy. I’m just taking one day at a time Your right It is a strange new journey to be on Hugs Maggie x

[Tippyleaf in reply to HilsandR]

Dear Hils That is a beautiful sentiment. Hope you are getting all the support you need as you travel this new path - grief is exhausting.

Nearly 3 years on for me things seem to be getting more manageable- but we are all different.

Take care of yourself

Love and hugs Tippy

[HilsandR in reply to Tippyleaf]

Hi Tippy

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my response to Fishponds beautiful photo.

You are so right, we all deal with grief very differently. I’m sure the initial impact of losing a loved one is not so different for most, the disbelief, numbness, heartbreak etc but the journey beyond that is a winding road that we all negotiate in different ways and whatever route we take hopefully is the one that will eventually lead us to a manageable way forward.

For me, it’s like that missing piece of a jigsaw; you piece together a beautiful picture but it feels incomplete without that vital part. That said, my 46 years with Rod was just wonderful, how did I get that lucky to find such a good man and enjoy so many happy years. Yes, I miss him every minute of every day, sometimes the triggers that lurk around every corner can leave me a weeping wreck, but I allow myself those moments and then get on with my day. Equally, I’m able to embrace all the other joys in my life, especially my 2 gorgeous little granddaughters, coming up 1 and 5. They make me laugh and keep me exhausted all at the same time. I like to think that Rod rests in peace knowing that whilst life without him still hurts deeply and always will, I have also found a level of contentment and that grief, whilst living my life, seem to coexist quite well together.

I’m pleased that life for you is becoming manageable too. It never feels like it at the time of loss but life does become worth living again.

Love and best wishes

Hils

xx

[fishponds in reply to HilsandR]

Hi I know your reply was for Tippy But I wanted to say thank you as your words summed up life and loss so well as we navigate life without our love ones My loss of my hubby is still very new but I have such wonderful memories which I will always treasure And so glad I and my family took so many photos over the years x If I could give anyone advise it would be keep taking those photos Thank you Hugs Maggie x

[HilsandR in reply to fishponds]

I’m really glad you joined in with the thread, Maggie. It’s such early days for you and I remember so well in the few months after Rod died feeling like I was trapped in a bubble, looking out onto a world that didn’t include me, not always sure where I fit in now after 3 years but I do feel I’ve found the light at the end of the tunnel or at least am feeling the joy of embracing life again and accepting that it is ok to be happy again.

I know you love your garden and I’m sure, like me, it’s your ‘happy place’ where you feel uplifted and free. Spring and summer is upon us and I hope that you will be able to spend happy hours outside - nature is an amazing therapy and completely free.

Your advice to anyone regarding taking photos to capture memories is spot on. I have videos of Rod where he is laughing, well into his illness, and I cannot put into words how comforting those clips are especially as he’d lost his ability to communicate in words. They’ve made me forget the challenges faced by both of us and remind me that even in the most difficult times we captured some priceless moments. I have a photo of Rod on one of my units taken 4 months before he died. It was taken at the wedding of the son of a lifelong friend and I’d agonised about going as by this time Rod was suffering from some extremely challenging outbursts. Anyway, I was assured by my friend that it was doable and everyone would understand. That photo is now my greatest treasure and when I look at it there is no clue to how ill Rod was, all done up in his suit and holding a glass of champagne. So yes, making memories in photos or video is vital for our recovery from the vice like grip of grief.

I’ve enjoyed sharing these thoughts with you.

Love Hils

xx

[fishponds in reply to HilsandR]

Thank you Hils you always find the right words to say I’m really pleased you say it’s ok to be Happy .one of the songs Bill wanted at his celebration of life and was played at the end was Don’t worry be happy I am reminded of this song everyday and it helps me cope and makes me smile and cry at the same time. Bless you. Love Maggie xxx

[HilsandR in reply to fishponds]

That’s a great song from the past, Maggie, and maybe it was Bill’s intention for that to be his final message to you and your family, so honour him with allowing that to help you cope.

Grief is a journey that offers no shortcuts, it’s a process that can’t be hastened and the only way we eventually find some peace is by doing it our way. I completely get it, ‘smiling and crying’ at the same time, I doubt I’ll ever give that one up and if I’m honest, why would I, how could I after losing such a huge part of my life that quite honestly is irreplaceable. The problem arises when grief becomes so consuming that we can’t function and that’s when we should seek professional help. So, with Bill’s message in mind, “don’t worry, be happy” it’s what he would want for you and as you play that song over in your head imagine him smiling. As contradictory as it may sound, you can grieve and still embrace happy moments, it’s just a case of allowing, if you can, both emotions to coexist and give both equal opportunity in creating a balance.

What I write is from my own experience/journey and I appreciate that when it comes to grief, there’s not a one size fits all answer. I’ve just found a way that has allowed me to let in again the joy that life holds whilst recognising that the darker moments are always waiting to pounce but not allowing the latter to take up too much of my time.

Well, now I’ve rambled and as I sign off I can’t get that song out of my head, it’s very infectious

Keep smiling Maggie,

Love Hils

[fishponds in reply to HilsandR]

Thanks once again Hils you are a very wise and caring lady . Your words have helped me no end and will help me cope with my life as I go forward on this new journey without my love Though I feel he is not far away. I am working in the garden something we both enjoyed before he became unable to do . We both worked on the land planting trees for many years before retiring so he certainly left his mark on the environment and that makes me smile 😊 too xxx

[HilsandR in reply to fishponds]

I’m glad our chat helped you in some small way, Maggie. Just keep doing what you are doing, especially enjoying your garden, you are going to be ok.Very best wishes

Hils

[fishponds in reply to HilsandR]

💜

[Hastings2021]

My husband passed away peacefully yesterday at the age of 58. He only got diagnosed with CBD just over 6 months ago, it was very rapid, I would say looking back he probably had it for 2 years. I feel so lost and sad without him 😞

[Purrlie in reply to Hastings2021]

So very sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and love, Purrlie

[Northstar1 in reply to Hastings2021]

Oh my goodness that was quick I'm so sorry for you and your family. My husband is 58 he was DX in 2018. Maybe signs in 2015. His progression is slow. I don't want him to suffer but he is suffering. It's such a horrible illness. I never thought our lives would be like this. Xxx

[fishponds in reply to Hastings2021]

So sorry for your loss 58 is so young x

[Purrlie]

Thank you for the beautiful photo. Big hug, Purrlie

[fishponds in reply to Purrlie]

Thank you