It has been 12 months on 17th May, 2019 that my beloved TJ passed away.
I thought things would get better but they don't seem to be.
I often listen to the song that I had played at his funeral and I thank Linda Ronstadt for the song we had chosen. Maybe I shouldn't do this as I cry every time, but it was so apt. Seeing that she has now been diagnosed with P.S.P. it is so coincidental.
The song is "Goodbye My Friend" and is available on YouTube. Anyone that has lost their husband should listen to this song. We came across it quite by accident and am pleased we did.
Things aren't any easier now but he went through "hell"on earth in the end and feel that he has to be in a better place.
Love to you all going through this despicable disease.
Caz
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Caz49
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My opinion is, what ever gets you through the day, works for me! Others may say don't, but if you get comfort from listen to that song, then carry on. I would say though, try listening to some more, maybe from Linda, or other songs that bring back better memories.
Things do improve. Steve died 2yrs and 4 months ago, on the surface, I am coping quite well. My Sofa stills sees far too much of me, for my liking, but I am getting there. Underneath, it's still as raw as the first day, as was proved the other day, when I saw somebody that looked just like him. (Not a pleasant experience!)
I don't think any of us recover from what we have been through. Eventually you just use to feeling this way. My motto is, if I wake up, I have to get up and get on with life. I owe it to my husband to live life to the full, and so do you.
Sad to hear that Linda Ronstadt has been diagnosed with this evil disease.
Sending big hug for the 17th, I find the build up is far worse than the actual day. That's just another day without him.
I Caz, I still speak to my darling often after 2 1/2 years but I have changed the way Iive and am thoroughly enjoying life. If I hear certain pieces of music, the tears still roll so I don’t play them. In church on Sunday we sang a song he liked and I thought I could hear him singing it beside me and the tears came again but although I know it wasn’t him, I thanked God that I had once again “heard” his voice. I coped with mourning/ grieving by totally changing my life. When he first died, hearing certain pieces of music and watching TV programmes we watched together upset me so I stopped listening/watching. I didn’t want to upset myself so changed the way I live. The one thing I didn’t stop was listening to the Archers ( for non U.K. folk, a 13 minute daily radio soap). It started the year I was born and my darling, who hated to miss an episode left me during one of them. Every day, listening to it, I think of him but not with sadness any more. My way of getting through was to tell myself that life now is good and it is. Younger women now have “me time”. That didn’t exist for me, married to a wonderful man when I was 21, bringing up three children, working, caring for elderly parents into their 90s and then 6 years caring for my darling I’m now having my “me time”. I’ve just come back from a U3A holiday to Holland where the coach had many long time happily married couples on it. Some of us widows changed seats regularly and chatted and laughed throughout the journeys. I met and got to know women I had only ever said hello to in the past and it was great. One of the things we noticed was how little the married couples spoke to each other. Not because they didn’t love each other. At the end of the month I’m going to Spain with a widow I met towards the end on Colin’s life. We have arranged it ourselves booking the flights, 3 Airbnbs and train journeys to our destinations. We got through a few glasses of wine whilst doing it so hope we’ve done it correctly. I would never have thought I could do anything like that and are looking forward to the adventure.
I dearly loved my husband of 44 years and what he went through was devastating but he has now gone, not from my memory, but nothing will bring him back however much I cry or worry. None of us know what is around the corner or how much time we have left on Earth so I am cramming as much in as I can. We have a lady with altzheimers in our church and a group of us are on a rota to spend a day at a time with her so her husband can work. Being with her reminds me what can happen. I know, when I die, my boys will be able to say, “Mum loved life and lived it to the full, so full we never had to worry about her”, .....they have already told me that’s what they will say😂.
Dear Caz, you’ll never forget T, there will be those tear rolling moments but please try not to dwell on them. Fill your life with happy things. When first diagnosed, C told me to get married again as he wanted me to be happy. I have no intention of doing so, as life is very good now and I am thoroughly enjoying it. I hope and pray yours will soon be as well.
In 10 days time I'm going with my daughter, son-in-law and three grandsons to China.
After TJ's passing our beautiful daughter said that I needed something to look forward to, so we booked a trip to China - something right out of my comfort zone.
It would have been something that TJ would have loved. Me, who loves a chat not being able to have a chat with the locals. We had so many plans of travelling and visiting England where he was born and Wales where his father came from in his retirement but it was not to be. His family came to Australia when he was 4.
It's been a hard month - would have been TJ's 73rd birthday and our 48th wedding anniversary.
I agree that I have to get on with life and I intend to do just that. It's just a shame that I won't have him here to enjoy it with me. I'm very lucky to have the family and friends that keep me busy and include me in their lives.
Thanks again. This website has been a great comfort in dealing with my loss.
Wow! I’m sure you will love China. I went last year with Anne (Heady) who I met on this site and although, at times, it was difficult for both of us, we loved it. The Terracotta Army had us both with tears rolling down our cheeks when we first walked into the amazing place but later on in the day we went back in and it was still amazing but without the tears. It’s OK to cry but not too much. Laughter makes me feel better.
Have times with your friends and a very special time with your family.
I have been re-living our trip, Bev! It was just over a year ago. In fact, just come back from Venice, celebrating a certain 1st anniversary!!!
Caz, enjoy China, as Bev has said, it is incredible. We both thoroughly enjoyed it. We had both just got through our 1st year without our husbands. Yes, there were times that were hard, but equally we had a lot of fun and laughter with the group we were with.
1st anniversary, wow! Where is the time going? So pleased you are still together. Enjoy the rest of the year with many more exciting trips away perhaps.
It occurred to me the other day that time does not make it better (18 weeks this Friday since I lost my better half). It is like a long distance relationship--the longer you are apart the more you long to be together. Often I feel as though he is in the bathroom and I keep expecting him to come out (or fall!) any minute.
Almost feel I should congratulate you on surviving a year.
Hope the trip helps. Look forward to hearing from you after the day has passed to see how it went.
It will be a year since P died on 28th May, so I totally understand your situation. He would have been 80 a couple of weeks ago. Another milestone to pass - but it doesn`t seem to get any easier.
I am trying to follow the example of Anne and Bev but health problems have curtailed my ambitions so far. Like Anne, I find I`m spending too much time on my sofa !
I function well in public - less tearful generally but find it hard to feel enthusiastic about life. I've lost motivation and just miss being with Chris. For me it has become more difficult as I get a clearer memory of how he was and would be now without PSP.
I am old and don't feel optimistic about the future. Sadly more friends and family are also old, frail or have died.
However I will have a new unexpected grandchild due in October !!
A sweet, sad time of memories for you. The travel, I hope, will be an adventure and reminder of just how full creation can be. I have not been where you are now so am hesitant to make suggestions, , but have been caring for my husband of 51 years who is now in a period of steady decline with CBD. I have tried to explain to friends that it is like watching someone you know and love walk, slowly backwards, into the fog as it is harder and harder to recognize the person you knew. NannaB said something that resonated with me: I try as much as I can to fill my life with happy things -- songs, activities, family memories, memories of how much my husband and I loved to dance together -- and have backed myself out of relationships and activities (community leadership roles, mostly) that involve conflict or thankless labors. This is not how I wanted my husband to spend his "golden years," and certainly not, as a 24-hour caregiver, how I wanted to spend mine, so for my survival it is important to cobble together as much joy as I can and let it energize me. You have had such a difficult 12 months; my heart goes out to you. Try, if you can, in his memory, to live fully the precious time that you have. God bless.
Just to say sorry you are still in so much pain. Many people on this site know what you are going through. I think what you are doing in playing that track is a helpful and positive thing. Grief should not be buried; you are facing it head on and that will slowly build your strength for the months and years ahead.
mines not quite as long as you but sometimes i forget and all of a sudden it hits me , im on my own. its ok when my daughter stays , shes been here quite a lot because ive had a hysterectomy , but she now needs to get on with her own life. so got to buck myself up and get out .yes so hard , not what we thought would happen when we retired xx
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