What do you suggest?

[Darryl]

What are your "helpful hints" for spouses, partners, sons, and daughters of people diagnosed with prostate cancer? You can write them as the diagnosed guy, partner, spouse, or child. (Just let us know which you are) Either write them below or email me ( darryl at malecare.org ) if you want to be shared but remain anonymous. Your suggestions can relate to any aspects of your experience with your loved one after they were diagnosed, including love, anger, moments of joy, challenges about time management, money, your health, or even separation or thoughts of divorce. Your suggestions can be in lists or warmly formed thoughts, like recently posted "Helping a parent age and leave this world is one of the greatest gifts a child can give." or "Please talk to your loved ones about your wishes and your disease."

Here is my suggestion for you: Don't wait. Please share your thoughts now in an email to me ( darryl at malecare.org ) or in a reply below.

[Mgtd]

I am the person on both sides of this issue I have prostrate cancer and support my wife with blood cancer and other mobility isssues.

I have found being the supporter to be the easier of the two. I have become the go to guy. I do all the housekeeping chores, take care of the critters, drive her everywhere, etc.

She makes my life easy because she always says thanks and never complains. When her pain is bad she can be a little sharp but I understand that is the pain talking not her. This really helps me and I never engage with her “beast”.

When I was diagnosed with my cancer and during my treatments I still needed to do all the above and still needed to deal with my emotions, make decisions and take myself for treatments and tests, etc. for the first time in my life I needed help.

I do not think some people including my doctors and friends did not understand when I needed to limit my choice of treatments because of side effects or could not go to cancer centers of excellence for a second opinion or treatment, etc. Quite simple really, I had no backup.

In the beginning of my cancer journey I needed to gather knowledge of this disease and recognized I needed to talk through my emotions and understand my treatment options and their limitations, etc.

The two things that really helped with this was the Health Unlocked prostrate cancer forum and my son calling every other day to just check in on how I and mom were doing and just to let me tell him what knowledge I had learned and how I was feeling about treatment. Just that simple thing made the next day bearable.

I am now over the roughest part of my treatments and I have regained my physical health. I guess this has taught me a real valuable lesson. You have no idea before starting this journey what you can accomplish when the chips are down and it is OK to be vulnerable.

Every time I talk to my son I say I love you and thanks for all the support.

Not sure if this is what you were asking but it is the first time I have ever express these thoughts. Thank you for asking the question.

[Darryl Partner in reply to Mgtd]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply

[Mike1971 in reply to Mgtd]

Hi Mgrd,

Thank you. You seem to be a pretty awesome person. 👍