My wife has been a wonderful companion through my diagnosis and recent hospitalization from sepsis due to my 2nd biopsy. She almost lost me but I have returned to vigor and preparing for this journey through radiation and ADT next month. However, because I still work and am at a point where my business may be acquired, I do not wish to share my diagnosis publicly and to keep it to myself. My wife has a much richer social life than I, a somewhat isolated workaholic, and it is very difficult for her not to share her fears about my diagnosis with select friends. I can't blame her and it might be the price I have to pay for her conscientious care and love. But I worry about the promiscuous dissemination of the news of my diagnosis to my business associates.
I wonder if this is a common issue among the members, here. It is a hard conflict between my wife and I. It just may be the difference between isolated men and social women .
Have any of you negotiated this marital issue and is there any advice you can give regarding this? This group is the only outlet with which I feel comfortable discussing my diagnosis - because it's confidential.
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Eadgbe
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Couldn't help but Tall_Allen made me bust out laughing. Sorry its a serious topic. DOn't let this PCa own and define you. Do what feels good and empoewrs you
I have not told anybody work related of my cancer and still run my business. I had a hard enough time telling friends and family so never even considered telling people who I associate on a work level for multiple reasons. Not the least that I think they don't know me well enough, which may be a difference between how my business operates compared to yours. I do think that depriving your wife of the support she would get from discussing with others seems a bit selfish, no intention to offend. If she o ly associates with people you work with I see your concern but if she associates with people unrelated to your work I personally wouldn't ask her to remain silent. This is my case so not sure if I answered your question. Hope it helps and good luck.
I told everyone about my initial diagnosis and treatment (October 2019 RP + 15 months of Eligard + salvage radiation) but when my May 2023 PSA reading went from undetectable to .03 decided to wait (except for close friends and family) until undergoing further treatment as most people will not understand the subtleties of waiting for levels to hit a certain threshold. Next PSA test is in November.
I have some friends in Private Equity. If your business were to be acquired, (and I'm assuming they'll want you stick around for an extended transition period), then any potential health issues are material facts that would legally need to be disclosed anyway. You likely are thinking that letting it be known might result in a lower selling price, and it may. But, revealing it at the last minute might scuttle the whole deal; and finding another buyer is often harder if a prior deal has collapsed.
My advice would be to let it be known, when appropriate. (IE, you have to take time off or out of office for treatment travel.). Don't trumpet it, but don't hide it either.
That is something to think about. Good advice. OTOH - If it were known in my industry that I had cancer (though my stage 2 is curable) , it occurred to me that I might find more buyers interested in the business who think there is a fire-sale. And of course, then the bidding starts...
Both times I got cancer (kidney and then prostate 20 years later) I told a lot of people and got and get wonderful support. I suppose if one has their own business or is in a certain line of work that they might not want to tell others for fear it might affect their business.
I tell people close to me who I think ought to know because they care about me, but I don't tell people more generally unless there's a specific need to. I simply don't want to be identified by my condition. My wife, however, feels the need to tell people more broadly, and I give her that space because it helps her cope with the stress of not knowing what's going to happen to me. It's a workable balance, fair to me and to her.
Your wife (as are most women) is invested in your well-being to an extent unknown by most men (with the exception of how they feel if they are present in a delivery room). I would discuss with her the possible effects widespread knowledge of your diagnosis would have on your business valuation, your workplace relationships, etc and also that you know how much she would benefit from support of her social network.
For my workplace, I would let it be known that Prostate Cancer is generally slow-growing and men generally are symptom-free from the cancer itself, but suffer more from the treatments than the disease at my stage. And treatments at my stage are generally pretty benign. That is, minimize the disease to your social and business circles. Disclose what you NEED to to keep the potential sale of your business on-track.
You are receiving a social network of support here. Your wife is welcome here as well and can also receive support from her and other on-line networks (spouses of PCa patients for example). All that is good for you both. You may also get some support from spouses of HER friends or other unexpected sources.
Good discussion regarding whether or not when shares one's engagement with cancer. As for the world of work I now regret having shared my situation. Clearly there are circumstances where it is a good idea.
On another topic though I was amazed to see sepsis come up. I read your other note as well. Iotragenic even! It looks like you've had a recovery!
But I'm curious how your numbers have done afterwards. Any chance your various markers improved after sepsis?
I think it is possible that someone may have mentioned to you about the history of using viral infection manifesting itself as sepsisto kill cancer.
There's a lot of literature on this and William Coley was its champion in the United States of this research in the early part of the 20th century. Apparently they had some real successes. (Coley has been called the father of immunotherapy.)
The work and the practice of deliberate viral infection against cancer was mostly lost after the arrival of other therapies such as radiation and ADT etc.
Anyway this is an interesting field certainly, but I was curious. I suppose if your infection wasn't viral, but bacterial, then the whole question is moot.
Glad to read that you have gotten past that scary incident.
My infection was bacterial - some sort of super-e-coli.
I had heard about infection killing some cancers and had that thought myself. But just got the Pet scan and it's still there. However, good news is that it is nowhere else and apparently hasn't broken through the prostate. So I am getting it early. Radiation starts in two weeks.
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