My 15 yr old daughter is pregnant - help?

[millybee]

She found out early on and is now 11 weeks. I tried to persuade her to have an abortion due to her young age and how it will affect her schooling, career, young life etc but she couldn't go through with it once we arrived at the hospital. Anyone been through a similar situation and can give me any advice as I just feel heartbroken and don't know how we are going to get through it?

[lulu27]

I had my first child at 15 all I really needed was support to help me through it my mom and family wanted me to have an abortion but to me proberly your daughter to its a baby at whatever stage as hard as it maybe you need to either be there 100% for your daughter or make the desision to kick her out so authorities will help make sure she understands how hard her life will be make her realise she's not only gotta support her self but her child too make her already do everythink herself but most of all prepare yourself to be your daughters support guider in mother hood make her make the right decisions and you never know she might surprise you as I did with everyone I'm now happily married and pregnant again whilst owning my own business all thanks to the support I had from my mom and family

There's nothing I would change or do differently

Goodluck to you and your daughter hope all works welll for you both x

[DrFluffy]

At the end of the day, you just have to be there for her. You 're her mum and she's going to need your help and support. To be bluntish, this isn't about you, so try to put your own feelings aside. It might not be what you had hoped for for her, but it's happening.

Interestingly, a lot of my school friends had their first before the age of 16 (great school, huh!). They are much better set up now in terms of house, car, work, family than muggins here who worked two jobs to put herself through uni, has dedicated herself to work - massive 'career girl'. It's only finding myself pregnant for the first time at 36 that I now have an inkling what a work-life balance is, and just what I've probably been missing out on!

I really believe things happen for a reason, and if you can't change something, it 's more positive to work with something than to work against it.

Best of luck xxx

[Hidden]

Hi, I'm 17 and I have a 14month old daughter. I found out at 7MONTHS and shocked doctors as weight & bump size was similar to those at 3months. The biggest thing you can do for your daughter is suport her. As for a career, my mum only went back into education a few years ago having left school at 16 with no aLevel and few GCSE's and she's now a full time teacher. There's a lot of help and courses for young/single parents when it comes to work and education. If she ever wants to talk I'd be happy to :-). Good luck with whatever she chooses x

[MummaMia3]

I was a teen mum with my first (now 28 and expecting number 3 in 6 weeks time).....

I had my first son very young..... As a single teen I finished college, started an amazing career in the police force and am currently doing my criminology degree from home.....

I can understand why you would worry as her mum but honestly.... there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON why she can't still make a success of things for her AND her child unless she uses it as an excuse not to. Just stand by her and offer support where you can. I'm sure she'll be a great mum..... I felt I grew up alongside my son and we are so so soooo close, I wouldn't have wished it any other way!

There is so much help and support out there for young mums.... gov funding, college's with creches etc.... just use the next 6-9 months to work out a plan of action and encourage her to stick to it!

Good luck and congratulations Nanna!!!!!!!!!

[kimmy01]

hi, I know this must be a shock for you, for your daughter to be pregnant but I think you should support her on the choice she makes , she will need your support for you to be there for her, there are so much support out there nowadays, also I know that having a baby is really hard work but you should think that there are so much worse things than having a baby, you should be glad that your daughter isn't on the streets taking drugs because nowadays there are so much young people taking drugs. just be there for your daughter I know she is still young but if you be there for her she will still able to go far in life, there are so many worse things than having a baby, also it will make you and your daughter closer and stronger by sticking by her, take care and do the right thing, best of luck to you & you daughter

[Blue321]

Hi,

My experience of this is two teenage friends having children and my niece that I am close to got pregnant at 15: her mother was 39. Also, I worked at Sure Start Children's Centres, where teenage mothers come for group get-togethers and some choose childcare there from 12 weeks to finish their education. Also, I studied Education and Child Development.

Firstly: there is strong mounting longtitudinal evidence to suggest that the outcomes for teenage mothers and, importantly, their children, are no different to that of similar older mothers. The strong evidence suggests that most teenage mothers make very good parents indeed. Do not be scared by the negative news reports which are often based on the fact that teenage mothers need support from the tax-payer whilst they get on their feet/get an education before entering full time work. According to research, this may also be a fallacy, as many teenage mums focus on job and career from an early age.

Secondly, lulu27 is right. Although most teenage mothers wouldn't change their life with hindsight, many agree it is terribly hard work. Often, teenage mothers are on their own in terms of partner support too and they have to learn so much so quick with not very many resources. Your daughter may consider getting in touch with a teenage mother group to get their opinions of what life is like.

Thirdly, I sorry to say I disagree with DrFluffy on this. Having a child who has a child does impact quite considerably on the support network, i.e. you the mum. It isn't just about her any more. My niece's decision to have an abortion came from speaking to her mother's friends. She realised that her own mother's plans would be put on hold for her, that it would be hard for her mum and her and she didn't want that. She would never have an abortion again and to be honest, who knows if it was the right decision in the long run but it was for her at the time.

Hope this helps and really, try not to worry endlessly. This happens to lots and lots of women . Life doesn't always turn out how we planned it, but it can have some beautiful surprises too.

Lots of love to you x

[Hidden in reply to Blue321]

Impact? I live with my mum yet I do all the household 'chores' whilst she works. I cook dinner for she's home. I pay rent, she doesn't drive me about in her free time. Nor is my boyfriends parents affected. I fell pregnant whilst my mum had important exams to do with her teaching qualifications and most fell between my due date and the week after my daughter was born. She passed all with high marks even with a newborn crying at night.

Not all young parents rely on their parents so much. I do everything, 24/7 by myself. And that's through choice.

[DrFluffy]

So, your niece should have had an abortion solely to reduce the impact on your aunt? Don't be so rediculous!