My friends daughter is pregnant and doesn't leave the house, I need advise on what to do

[TracyBeaker]

My best friends daughter is 19 and hasn't left the house since she was 14. She has had a boyfriend for nearly 2 years, she met him at the house as he is her brothers friend. She found out she was pregnant a couple of months ago, I think she is nearly 6 months now and I am greatly concerned for her and the baby's health as she still hasn't been to doctors or received any medical care and if I,m been honest I don't think she has any intentions of doing so. In the past If I have said anything to her about leaving the house she just tells me to mind my own business and she will leave the house when she is good and ready. Now she is pregnant I feel I have to do something as she is putting her and the baby's health at great risk. Can anyone advise me what I should do please. Thanks

[Hidden]

Crikey what an awful situation! I'm no expert but i agree she absolutely needs help, antenatal help and psychological help! Unfortunately I don't know how you would go about it, not being next if kin. My best friend turned out to have mental health issues, very different to this... the was a pathological liar, and a very good one! When the truth came out she and her parents were in complete denial. She hurt me deeply but I still confronted them as I was worried for her but they refused to answer the door... now I don't know where she is, if she got help or even if she is alive...

Have you spoken to her mother? Is she willing to take some serious action to help her and her grandchild? If so, I'd say psychological assessment is required asap! 5 years is a very long time!

Xx

[dons88]

What a strange situation... What does your best friend say about it? Is she planning to deliver the baby herself when her daughter goes in to labour?

I have no experience of anything like this so don't know the correct channels but my instinct would be a call to social services who could hopefully put her in touch with people who can help. Perhaps some of the other ladies on this site will have better ideas but SS would be my first idea as the welfare of the baby is at stake, as well as the mother.

Good luck! Keep us informed x

[Hidden]

I'm sure drs and midwives would go round to her...but obviously she needs to be the one who does it could u not speak to her mum or boyfriend...if she won't seek help herself there is not much u can do..but explain that she doesn't have to go out the help will come to her and she can have a home birth....maybe if she knows help will come to her she

may accept that rather than the thought of going out , and this baby might just be what she needs to help her start to go outside again x

[TracyBeaker]

I thought the same at first that if she got pregnant it would cure her phobia of going outside but unfortunately it has got worse as now she doesn't leave her room. Her mum doesn't know what to do or were to turn. I myself did think of getting in touch with social services and I reckon my friend wouldn't mind me doing so. I do agree that this is a mental health issue and she needs some sort of psychological help xx

[dons88 in reply to TracyBeaker]

Thank goodness you're being proactive. At 6 months she could already have a serious health condition, or be carrying multiple babies and require specialist care and nobody would know. I'd either pack her mum off to the GP today or call social services to at least get pointed in the right direction x

[Hidden]

Try calling someone from here, they seem the best people to help.. let us know what they suggest!

agoraphobia-support.co.uk/1...

[Hidden]

Or this online support group...mdjunction.com/agoraphobia

Or another phone number..

counselling-directory.org.u...

Internet is a wonderful thing! What would we do without it!?!?!

X

[Hidden]

I wouldn't call social services but I would get the g.p involved first getting social services involved could alienate her even more...people do associate social services with ur child being taken away and this could make matters worse i think a gently gently approach is best midwives can come round and put her mind at ease with the hope of a home birth ....but start with the g.p first and make ure u get the backing of her mum and do it together x

[parisdowson]

And as for all you lot commenting not one of you know what im going through therefor none of you even know what youre talking about!

[joda in reply to parisdowson]

Whoa up there girl. Everyone on this site is on here because they want support of other people who are pregnant. We all give each other advice listen to each others moans and generally get on. No one would have answered if they hadn't thought this was a genuine concern and no one as far as I can see has given solid advice because they don't know what you're going through, they've taken the time to read the post and come up with suggestions they thought would help based on the information they were given. Please insult each other personally in private - this is not a Jeremy kyle show or facebook and shouldn't be used for personal arguments.

I'm glad you've posted to correct us on your situation but please do not judge us because people were trying to offer advice. I didn't comment because I had no advice to give. My brother lived in his room for a year and my mum did go to gps for advice (as parents can up until you are 21 btw) but as he suffers aspergers and isn't pregnant his situation not the same so I didn't comment, but all the people who have are genuinely nice and have helped each other and others through a lot these last few months. We all like to see how each others getting on and if baby's arrived safely etc even though we know we'll not meet and prob not talk once the whole experience done. If you would like that support and people to talk to who may not always be going through what you are but will always give an open ear to listen then this site is for you. If not I suggest you return to facebook and rant there x

[parisdowson]

Yea maybe you do but if i wanted advice of any one id of posted on this site myself! But no my mothers so called friend has decided to butt her fat nose in when it doesnt concern her, if she was that concerned shed of personally talked to me herself but instead shes decided to post my life story (which is a load of bull sh*t) all over the internet and cause me aload of stress which isnt good for the baby which obviously shes not bothered about shes just trying to seek attention using me as an excuse because her life is so crap and she has nothing better to do than think she knows best when she really doesnt the only thing shes good at is selling drugs ans sitting in her room 24/7 so i dont know how she can slate anyone of when she had 3 kids herself she needs to concentrate on them insyead of trying to tell me whats best for my child! Only i know best and im not gonna push myself when i dont feel well, doctors will be getting rang next week ive already set that goal my child has a perfect heart beat and is constantly on the move so even if it has 2 heads and 20 toes at least i know its perfectly fine! Ringing social service and pushing me to something im.npt ready for is only gonna cause me stress which isnt good for my unborn child. Ill do it when im ready ive got support of my babys father and his mother thats all i need not people sticking their nose down at me.

[Hidden in reply to parisdowson]

No one is sticking their nose down at u...she hasn't said anything bad about u just that she is worried about u glad u have set ur self a goal all the best to and ur little one

[parisdowson in reply to Hidden]

Not on this site she may not of but youve not seen the text messages shes sent me, calling me a freak and telling social services are gonna take my baby from me. But thank you

[candiceandsesame in reply to parisdowson]

I don't think social services should be called at all. midwives and GP's will always do home visits and you can have a home birth. Your health and your babies health is what is important. I'm glad you'll be calling the GP. As its a lovely feeling to know baby is healthy and if they bring a doppler (hand held ultrasound machine) you'll be able to hear the babies heartbeat, which is amazing

Take care x

[parisdowson]

Seriously she doesnt know a thing, what sort of person is she calling me a freak and telling me im.not normal because i have a mental health problems, no wonder people with mental health are so scared of seeking help its people like her why they dont!!shes a disgrace she really is! Im trying my best for me.and my child i dont drink i dont do nothing apart from relax and take it easy as everyone is telling me to! I cant be doing with all the sh*t its not fair on me or my baby! As for me not being normal if you realy had the slightest idea of what im goig through you'd knw its not only me suffering with agrophobia theres hunderds of people out there and its not going to be cured over night you dopey cow! As much as id love it to be its just not!

[starreen12]

I suffered from agorphobia from age of 12 all the way to 18 years old, I sometimes have relapses where I don't want to go out. I am now 4 months pregnant and I have stopped going out as much too, it does knock your confidence and put your defenses up. If she needs someone to talk to I may be able to help her. I have found ways to beat this.

Star*.

[cooperxo in reply to starreen12]

im suffering from agoraphobia for almost a year now , i dont really leave my apartment and if i do its not far at all . i took a home pregnancy test that said im 3+ pregnant so that means 5+ weeks and that was over a week ago . i had an appointment to see my dr on tuesday and i fought and thought about going all week and it stressed me out and when the day came i didnt go , so i made another appointment for this upcoming tuesday and i really need to go so i can get my blood work done and get an ultrasound . i really dont know what to do if i cant make this appointment im always fearing the worst what if i have a really bad anxiety attack and freak out and im already thinking about the drive across town to the hospital to get an ultrasound done and thats not even booked yet and im already stressing. i dont know what to do . im thinking about admitting myself in the hospital to get some help and make sure my baby is healthy. its just getting there thats a real struggle for me.

[BristolLady in reply to cooperxo]

I’ve just come across this old thread, but really hoping things worked out ok for you cooper?