my wife discover a secret kid

[aragonelsegundo]

hi, when i was 16 years old, i have a child with a woman, now Im 28 i got married 3 years ago,

i did not tell anything about this to my wife, now she is pregnant.

3 days ago she recieved a message from the mother of my kids, and she was devasted, broken,

i want to fix this, i dont have any idea, what can i do for her, how can i healing my marriage, i know this are bad consequences from my lies, i know she need to get angry, i know she can not forgive me, i just dont want to loss her, i want to do something for her feeling, im trying to be honest, she knows, everything from me, i dont do something bad to her, i just trying to start a new life with her, and trying to the best that i can. i could not said the truth, i was so scared. our baby will born 1 month later, i want to do something, anything, when i talk to her, she said to me "i just want to you stay close to my feeling, same as i did to you before". before i met her i have a problems with drugs, so i quite everything and trying to star a new life, without all the bad thing that i did, i said like that to her, im since that day im just become a better person thanks to her, im complete different person, a better me, i met her in asia, this where i live now, new life. im so depressed becouse i see her sad, dont smile, make me feel very guilty im guilty but if can do something please give some advice.

[Bigblueskies]

That sounds so painful and difficult for all of you. I’m so sorry you are in this situation.

Your wife needs space and strength from you. Just be there and be strong for her, let her grieve the loss of trust, answer her questions and look after her.

You also need to continue apologising and ask her what she needs to feel safe with you again. It will help her if you are completely honest and tell her why you hid this before and how you feel about that previous relationship and child.

She will need to know you are a good person and a responsible father, to trust you with the child she is now carrying. You may want to think together how you can include that first child in your lives together so that you are now the father she expects you to be to all of your children.

You may also want to consider why the mother of your first child did this. Perhaps the relationship is difficult.

Talking to a professional therapist may help you to heal the hurt from the life you have left behind. You are starting again and that is brilliant, well done! But it will not work unless you heal any hurt you caused in yourself and others too.

Good luck and my best wishes to you all!