Advice on toddler feeding himself… worried 😟

[Faith103]

Hi all,

Hope all is well.

I just wanted some advice and reassure really!

So I have my ivf miracle who is 17 and half months. The nursery he goes to are great but I feel like they are always making me worry and pushing milestones on my son. So the recent one is he should be feeding himself with a spoon which I have read is about right however, my son seems to be hitting all his milestones but right at the last min. Not delayed but I would say he’s slightly lazy. He’s not a messy baby if I put food on his tray he will feed himself with his fingers but he’s not one for putting his hands in dinner plates if that makes sense. He seems to not like dirty hands.

Any advice on how to get him to try with the spoon. I’ve tried using his hand to guide him but he refused point blank and turns his head, he will only eat if I spoon feed him. I’ve also tried putting a spoon in the bowl and using another spoon in the hope he will use it but no.

I just get so worried as the nursery say he should be doing this now and then he cracks it snd they are on with the next thing he’s only just started attempt to walk. Not walking all the time but he’s getting there. Should I be worried or just let him do things in his own time. This seems to keep happening with the nursery and he always gets it in the end.

Thanks all xx

[Cheekymonkey85]

Definitely don’t stress this one. I work in childcare and certainly wouldn’t be concerned. What I would advise is maybe if your spoon feeding him some meals give him a spoon too and encourage. He will get there ☺️ we work using the early years foundation stage and it used to have age ranges indicating when children should ideally be doing certain things and it’s been shuffled round now. It sounds like they aren’t being particularly patient with him xx

[Faith103 in reply to Cheekymonkey85]

Thank you for your reply 😌

Yes your totally right. They just seem to be putting on pressure after pressure for his milestones. I feel sorry for him. I feel like he doesn’t catch a break. It also worries me too as I’m a first time mum so I’m not sure about all these issues. Lovely to know your talking from experience. I think social media gives so much more pressure nowadays too.

Il keep trying to encourage him and be patient with him. I hate worrying thinking he’s struggling xxx

[Claireeeeeeeeeeeee]

Can you ask the nursery to stop? This would really bug me to the point where I would look to change nurseries. Children all get to things at different times, they all focus on different skills to build on depending on what they are interested in. We start way too early on when children should be able to do things, it's a guideline of when children on average will be able to do things. Some will be earlier some will be later. I really wouldn't worry he will get there when he gets there, putting pressure on either of you wont help. It feels sad that instead of enjoying all his new developments in his own time it's become a bit stressful. It should be fun and exciting.

[Faith103 in reply to Claireeeeeeeeeeeee]

Yes I totally agree. I think your definitely right.

I think I’m going to speak with them tomorrow as I feel it’s making me upset that I’m expecting him to just pick things up. He’s so new to the world. Things to him are like being from another planet as he’s just so new to everything.

Thanks you for your words. They do try and make people push, most of his friends in nursery have siblings to copy off. I’m an older mum so he doesn’t have any children to copy from xxxx

[Twiglet2]

Little boy is 15 months (also IVF miracle ☺️) for the last few months I’ve been giving him things that he can feed himself so I’m not spoon feeding (except his cereal and yoghurt) so that he is getting used to feeding himself first. It’s hard to find things that are ‘finger foods’ but even mince and mash he will pick up with his hands. The last few weeks I’ve been then adding a spoon in for him to play about with as well (I tried teaching to use by guiding with my hand but he was having absolutely none of that 🤣) he has started to scoop some food up now and I just clap etc when he does but not putting any pressure on it. He sometimes scoops up some food with his spoon then takes it off it with his other hand and puts it in his mouth 😂🤣 mostly he flicks it on himself or the floor but the odd time he gets it to his mouth with some on it. I said to IH that this is so far the hardest thing to teach him and I will be quite happy if the nursery teach him this and I follow them on this one as it’s rather messy 🤣😂 maybe ask the nursery what they are doing and try that at home too? I love that they can bring my little guy on he was really lagging behind before going to nursery (only starting crawling at 1year!!) but now he is a wee confident Walker and socialises better too so I’m just trusting their experience in lots of things xx

[Solly-44 in reply to Twiglet2]

Haha, we’re the oposite - mine likes to pick the food up with his hand, carefully arrange it on his spoon, and then put it in his mouth 🤦‍♀️😂

[Twiglet2 in reply to Solly-44]

Hahahaha that’s adorable!! funnily enough he’s just done that with his shreddies but normally he scoops it up then takes it off lol they all get there eventually though don’t they 😂 xx

[Faith103 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thank you for you words…

Yes, they say messy play with food is the best as it lets them explore. I mean I don’t mind mess but he seems to not like the mess lol. Il keep trying different things with him as I don’t want to put lots of pressure on him as it’s not fair.

Congratulations on your little miracle too. 😊 sounds like he’s a lovely little character. I think the nursery do help like you said but sometimes I feel they push things on me and I’m like what! I didn’t even know this lol 😂 it’s al trial and error for me too xxx hope you’re well xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to Faith103]

Yeah I’m the same with the pressure I think that would actually make my little guy worse tbh he would just avoid as he’s stubborn and lazy like his mum 🤣 it’s defo just a game for him just now but I just clap if he happens to get it right. Actually he also likes putting the spoon int he yoghurt pot so sometimes I leave a little in there for him to mess around with that seems to last the longest more than with his plate before the spoon gets launched in the floor 😂🤣 yeah nurseries are great on one hand but you do have to make sure you don’t worry about ‘keeping up with the jones’ . My health visitor at 13 month assessment said he should be using cutlery by now and I was just like WHAT? Asked people I knew with kids and they said she was talking nonsense and he was fine to be still using his hands as there kids all did that so I just take all with a pinch of salt now and nod and agree xx