I keep flipping from wanting the baby to not wanting it. Is this normal?

[JCharlotte1]

This is my first pregnancy and it's unplanned. Always liked the thought of children but now it's real I don't know if I can do. I'm scared and worried about everything.

[RecipIVF]

Sorry I can’t give much advice, suppose everyone’s situation is very different. Being scared and worried about baby, health, changes, surroundings etc is understandable. Would you consider counselling? Or is there anyone you trust you can speak to? X

[Seb9]

I think it's totally normal, it's a huge life changing thing. I was trying for my children and even when I first got pregnant I wasn't 100% about it. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I think that really shook me. I hadn't realised how much I wanted it, till it was taken away. When I got pregnant again I had some spotting and I remember going to the early pregnancy unit for a scan and telling my baby all the way there how much they was wanted and all the things we would do together if they would just stay.

She's 2.5 now and I'm writing this as she sleeps beside me.

It's really scary, but it's also really rewarding and frustrating and a million other emotions too, they're all really normal xxx

[Shaz92]

I was in your situation, I’m now 23 weeks pregnant and everyday I want my baby more and more. You’ll know whats right for you just don’t rush it if you have time x

[Happy2477]

I was tempted with abortion 3 times and I’m glad I didn’t follow through with it. My girls are my reward. My oldest is now 18 and she’s such a great young woman, my 14 year old is so mature and she definitely make my life 10x easier, my 10 year old is so loving, sweet and forgiving. I don’t regret my decision at all. I know God wanted them here.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations -Jeremiah 1:5

God personally forms each and every one of us.

🙏🙏

[Gladys_Friday]

I'm 34 weeks and going through the same thing. Though we did decide to try for a baby (after many years of not wanting one), we got pregnant instantly and it didn't give me time to really buy into the idea and start wanting it. I've been really anxious about him arriving. I spent the day yesterday getting the last remaining kit that we need for the baby in the hope that it helps me relax and takes the worry of him arriving early and us being unprepared off my mind. I've got so much on my plate atm with major renovations in the house, big deadlines with work and getting everything ready for the baby, it's all just felt like a huge spiralling project. Yesterday I reached out to friends and family for help and told them how I was feeling: no positive emotions about the baby arriving, just panic. I've got people scheduled to come up and help us with DIY, cleaning, stocking my freezer up and helping us get everything done that needs to be done before the baby arrives. I also spoke to my midwife and she referred me to a maternity specialist who helps with anxiety during pregnancy. I feel a lot of relief knowing that help is coming from all those directions and I actually started to feel some positive emotions last night when I was lying in bed with my head spinning. Try and sit with your emotions and identify where they are coming from. For me, I recently realised feeling unprepared and juggling too many things has been a big contributing factor to the feeling of dread/panic at the baby's arrival. I'm starting the day with positive affirmations and telling myself I am prepared and I will love him and enjoy him. We're bringing immense love into our lives by having a baby. Focusing on that and talking to my bump helps at the times I feel most vulnerable. Hope some of this might help you too. Best wishes to you both xx

[Emdog87]

I was exactly the same. My little girl is 4 and she was planned. But when I was pregnant I was so mixed. One day I’d be excited the next day I would have a panic and think I just can’t do it. Even when she arrived I didn’t have this instant feeling of love that everyone told me I would have when the midwife passed her to me. I would just sit and look at her and think who are you. It was very surreal and I felt like it wasn’t me and I was watching someone else go through it. When she got to about 6 weeks old I remember she looked at me and I burst into tears as I realised how much I loved her and now she’s 4 almost 5 she’s my little best friend. She’s amazing. It’s not easy but I don’t regret her at all.I’m expecting my second in 2 weeks and again having very mixed emotions. If you’re worried then speak to your midwife or healthcare provider.

I’m lucky mine are very supportive and understanding. I was sat crying in the midwife clinic last week. But it is completely normal and your hormones are all over the place.

When baby arrives just take it one day at a time and don’t put pressure on yourself and speak out if you need help or someone to talk to. You’ll be surprised you’re not alone and lots of other mums feel like you xx

[Bigblueskies]

Oh that must be hard for you! Totally understandable and common to feel ambivalent. I have felt the ambivalence of motherhood throughout and frankly I still feel mixed feelings about my children, especially when new changes happen like getting pregnant, giving birth, starting childcare. It’s completely healthy to feel both sides, the love and the burden they bring.

But also don’t let health professionals trivialise your feelings. It will help to ask for a referral to perinatal mental health so that you get support from people who understand and can help. It will get you the right support for any decisions you need to take in pregnancy and/or being a mum in those early days. There are some amazing services that you can access so please do ask for a referral.

Big hug! Xxx

[andrina25]

I had an abortion at the age of 29 as I knew I wasn’t ready for a child (finance worries, unstable relationship, accidental pregnancy, the list is long). For me, it was important to make sure I want to bring a life to this world and it didn’t just happen. Of course, every situation and every person is different. However, at the age of 36 I was in a stable relationship with financial security when I made the decision to have a child. She is a month old now and love every moment of motherhood. I just don’t think I would have been able to give this to a child years earlier. You know yourself so just listen to what feels right for you.