No midwife support - is this normal?!

[chrissie_81]

Hi ladies, hope you're all having a good Sunday! I've resisted from posting this as I'm sure it's the same for everyone, but I'm struggling a bit. After coming from the attentive and incredible care of my fertility clinic, I just feel really lost and alone with all my pregnancy worries whizzing around in my head...I've seen one midwife at 8 weeks booking appointment (she was adamant I can only contact my GP up until 20 weeks!), then a different midwife at 16 weeks appointment (again she was insistent no midwife contact until 20 weeks!)...is this normal?!! I feel like I'm losing my marbles a little bit, and have no support, no-one to call with any worries, and it's really not doing my state of mind any good! Eekk! And honestly don't know what would happen if I couldn't ask lots of silly little questions on here to you lovely ladies.

Thanks for listening - whats everyone else's situation with midwife contact etc., is it just my local area? Or is it normal they just leave you to try and get through to your GP with any worries....thanks so much xx

[Hidden]

In my area I saw booking in midwife at 10 weeks. Next was 16. Initially they said any concerns or anything to call epu up to 12 weeks. After that its midwife. I think it's different everywhere. I certainly agree that after having scans and bloods every other day etc it seems we are kind of at drift with nothing in between appointments etc. I guess this is one of the reasons why forums like this are so popular x

[chrissie_81 in reply to Hidden]

You're right about the forums, they really are such a lifesaver! And you're right, care just seems to differ so much between areas, it's so ridiculous. Think I'm just having one of those days where everything is getting on top of me, and the worries are just building up and up...tomorrow is a new day! 😂🙈 Hope you and your gorgeous bump are doing well xx

[Hidden in reply to chrissie_81]

Getting there, still loads of anxiety. But I guess that never goes. What questions do you have? Problem shared and all that xx

[chrissie_81 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks hun, it's a bit ridiculous really...I was working with formalin the other day in my agency job as a healthcare assistant, and I'm just absolutely petrified of any damage it could have done...its just another thing to worry about, and need a medical opinion on its toxicity really, so I'll hopefully get a GP appointment this week and put my mind at ease. I'm just a big old stress head at the moment and I don't like it!! 😜😩 I'm sorry to be going on, I know you're struggling with your anxieties too, as do we all, this pregnancy tbing is just one constant worry isn't it!! And then onwards into baby, childhood and forever...! Hehe! Anyway, I'm going to go home and have a bath and an early night, think that might make everything feel a bit better! Thansk for listening Camillage xx 🤗

[Hidden in reply to chrissie_81]

Glad you are getting to see the doctor. We will all get there in the end I am sure, and as you say onto the next worry then the next xx

[emmab178 in reply to chrissie_81]

Your gp won't be able to give you toxicity information on certain chemicals. You need to go to the msds and read up yourself for that.

I'm a chemical engineer and as soon as i was pregnant i informed work (after my ivf bfp at 5 weeks). Employers have to do a risk assessment to protect you and the baby as soon as you tell them. Occupational health need to be involved.

I got put on restricted duty. Boring but alot safer than not knowing what chemicals etc were doing.

And yes it's really annoying about the lack of support after you get released from the fertility clinic. And they say the nhs isn't strained! Wait till you have the baby, it's even worse.

Keep using the forums, it's what we are all here for x

[Hidden]

Oh I’m really sorry to hear you’re not being more supported.

To a certain extent it is normal; your appointments sound standard.However I was given a contact list if I had concerns. I’m not sure why you weren’t.

But to be honest I haven’t found the “helpline” very supportive. Like you I have had a struggle conceiving ( took us over 7 years) & I haven’t felt that gets taken into account ☹️ when I had spotting ( which terrified me as we’d had a miscarriage previously ) I was told I shouldn’t contact them until I had my dating scan🤷🏼‍♀️ our fertility clinic was amazing too & to get this lack of support is disappointing.

Having said that my assigned midwife is much better. I take my list of questions & I bombard her!!!

As for not contacting your GP I haven’t heard of that. If it’s a pregnancy concern I think you should get sent to the maternity assessment department, I think you can self refer too.

If you are struggling with anxiety please do contact your GP for support and help 🙂 I’d also mention how upsetting you found the midwife; it’s not not okay how she behaved.

Wishing you the best with your pregnancy ❤️xoxo

[chrissie_81 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much Jess, for such a thoughtful reply...yes I think I'm going to bite the bullet and speak with the GP about my anxiety this week, and definitely will mention that the lack of midwife support/ crappy system is causing me added unnecessary worries. I'm pleased you now have a designated midwife who's helpful, that makes all the difference I'm sure. Hope all is going well with your beautiful longed for bump too! xx

[Lovefood1984]

So sorry you’re not getting any support, I had a number to ring for the local midwife base from 8 weeks with any questions so I can’t help I’m afraid.....shame the standard of care differs so much from trust to trust ☹️ x

[chrissie_81 in reply to Lovefood1984]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, that's so reassuring you got a number to call from 8 weeks. You're right, it's such a lottery really with what area you're in to what standard of care is provided, shouldn't be that way should it 😢 xx

[JNDuce12-13]

I have a 5yr old and currently 17 weeks pregnant and I’ve been very surprised in the changes and how much the midwives are almost uninterested until you have a viable pregnancy at 24weeks. (Which I understand to a certain point, but it’s not helpful when you are worrying)

I’ve been looking into private midwives etc... and found a company one to one midwives, you get the same midwife throughout the whole pregnancy and can call/text etc... and it’s much more of a personal and comforting experience. It might be worth looking into something like that too, just for the extra reassurance.

[chrissie_81 in reply to JNDuce12-13]

Thanks so much for your reply and kind suggestion...unfortunately I really don't think it's something I could justify, currently a final year student nurse so money is not forthcoming just yet (will be when I graduate and get a proper job, oh hang on..! 🤔😂 Haha!)

I think I just need to do some deep breathing and calm my thoughts...one minute I think I'm coping and the next I'm drowning in pregnancy worries, assignment deadlines and just life, you know how it is! Sometimes I think it just gets on top of you and I think the system in place is just not very supportive atall, feels like you're left in the dark until 20/24 weeks as you say...and it's such a worrying time. Anyway, all good wishes to you, and many congrats on your pregnancy, that age gap will be so lovely between your two! 😍 xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I saw my midwife a fair bit I think, and I had her phone number so I could text her (not that I did). i was also under consultant led care (risk factors were ivf pregnancy, first baby and over 35- this must apply to you too?) so I had extra scans at 22 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks and 36 weeks. It seems I was lucky! In my area they also have a number for the midwife base you can ring between 9 and 10 Monday to Friday if you have any concerns but it’s not that well publicised.

Once you get later into the pregnancy you will be able to ring the maternity unit at the hospital if you have any concerns.

[Snowy76]

I had my booking appt at 7 weeks - and have had an appoint with her at 16 weeks and next week at 25 weeks. had 12 and 12week scan at oneof county midwife units. SHe gave me her work contact details, saying her email was the best way to contact her as she's able to check this the easiest beyween appointments etc. Have emailed her a few times and she;s always been ablt to point me in the right direction.

[Hidden]

Hi yeah I think it’s normal not to see your midwife for quite a few weeks even less if you’ve already had kids you have slightly less appointments unless your high risk might be different.