Recurrent miscarriages and pregnant again.

[Artsy-fairy]

Hi guys, I think I'm about 9 weeks pregnant now. I've had 2 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy and don't have any other kids. I'm kind of stressed that I might miscarry again. No one understands the fear I have and I just feel alone. Any tips on how to keep calm?

[Emdog87]

Firstly congratulations. I completely understand how you’re feeling. I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy and 2 miscarriages. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and even with this one I found out I was having twins but lost one at 6 weeks. With this pregnancy I was absolutely terrified and too scared to even talk about the baby or get excited about it as I was just convinced I would end up losing it. Every little cramp or every time I want to the toilet I would panic that I’d see blood.

The first 12 weeks are always the hardest anyway. I don’t really have any tips but you’ve just got to try and relax and not get too worked up about it. Keep your mind positive for you and baby. I found the hardest thing with miscarriages is there’s no explanation as to why they happened so it’s not something you can try not to do / avoid next time.

Have you had any scans? Could you maybe look at getting a private scan if you think that would reassure you?

Sorry no real advice but just to let you know you’re not alone. Just stay positive. X

[Emma1910]

Hello lovely, I'm so sorry for the losses you've had. Huge congratulations on this pregnancy though. I had three losses before I had my LG last year and I know how tough it is to relax and trust everything will be OK.

I'd speak to your midwife, explain your history and see if they can give you an early reassurance scan. There are also lots of private scan places that will do early scans if that's an option for you. I had two before I went for my official 12 week one because I was panicking! I think it was about £50?

I also found it really helpful to talk to someone about the babies we lost. Some people around us didn't get it and kept saying things like 'oh well it wasn't meant to be', and 'don't worry you can try again'. They meant well but it hurt to feel like they were trying to sweep our losses under the carpet. Talking to someone who understood helped us deal with how we felt and be more positive about our next pregnancy. Maybe your midwife could refer you for counselling if you don't want to pay privately?

It also helped to be really honest with our support network of close family and friends about how we were feeling and what we needed. They were trying to be positive and cheer us up but we really needed some time to grieve. Same with our last pregnancy, I was very honest and told them when I was struggling and just needed them to listen to me.

I don't have any guaranteed relaxation techniques unfortunately but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. The Tommy's website had lots of useful info plus they can answer any questions too.

Try to take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Sending you love and all the luck in the world xx