Breastfeeding 1 week old son and separated parents

[Peteash21]

Breastfeeding- my 1 weeks old son putting on weight and doing well mum doing a great job, but I am only allowed to see him during the day time I am not living with the mum and as a dad I am struggling not been involved feeding him, she wants to breastfeed. I am crying loads when I hold him as I know o have to leave him overnight. I have never left a newborn with out myself helping feeding.

My 1st child has a cleft lip and pallet and her mum had breast cancer so we took it in turns with feeding my daughter.

I do not want to come across selfish my child beast interest is at heart, at the bed of the day.

Question when is the right time for mum to exspress milk so I can have my child overnight and be involved as much as the mum without compromising his health ?

[LauraJ85]

Hi, I'm really sorry you are going through this but I think its lovely how involved you want to be. The advice is not to express until 6 weeks as milk should have regulated by then. Babies also tend to cluster feed during the first few weeks which helps with milk coming in and upping the supply. Obviously it might not be possible but could you stay over at mums house to help out, 6 weeks would be very young for her to leave a breast fed baby overnight but I understand it must be very hard for you too when you have to leave. Just keep being supportive and offering help. I hope things work out for you x

[Peteash21 in reply to LauraJ85]

Laura thank you. I am a proud father that wants to help the mum out so much even do the shopping washing you know everything

I find it hard she does not want me to stay over or take advantage of my help.

He is clusters feeding too, I think I ask the midwife too, I really appreciate you time reaching out I am struggling massively not being around him so much.

Really big thank you when I hold him I can’t stop crying I am so in love with my son he perfect xx

[Seb9]

Hi this does sound like a very hard situation but a breastfed baby really needs to be near mum for at least the first 6 weeks so that she can regulate her supply, baby woo be feeding a lot and spending all evening cluster feeding. Also not all mums are able to express milk easily. It's totally different to breastfeeding and not all mums find it easy to do, so she may not be able to do it and you'll need to be prepared for that. As baby gets older though they'll go for longer periods between feeds and from 6 months your can help with weaning feeds and look after baby for longer periods.

There really are hundreds of other ways to bond with baby, doing bath time, taking them for walks, doing nappy changes and just holding them close is all bonding. Feeding is only one part of taking care of baby and there's so many other things you can do with baby.

I really wouldn't put pressure on your baby's mum to take him away over night, it's really not an easy thing for a mum to do especially if they're breastfeeding and baby might really struggle to settle without her there, my daughter will not settle for her dad in the middle of the night and he's with her everyday. When she wakes up in the night only I will do abs you might find it's the same for your baby.

I understand that it's a difficult situation and I really hope you both manage to find a way to make it work for you both and for baby.

[Chloe0789]

I think the best thing you can do is just make mom aware that your there for her if she needs you and tell her your more than happy to help with washing and cleaning etc not just to help with your son

[Bakingcupcake]

Hi very difficult situation and its lovely that you want to be so involved with baby. Unfortunately with breastfeeding its not so easy to just say express...im ebf a 6 month old ive tried to express couldn't do it with my first and cannot do it with this one...its a hard situation but maybe you could support mums decision to breastfeed rather than put any pressure on her to express there are lots of other ways you can be involved with baby its not all about feeding xxx

[Hills2005]

Hi dad first congratulations on the birth of your son. But am so sorry to hear what you’re going through. I think much has already been said in here and I just wanted to reassure you that every little thing you’re doing from bathing to soothing your little one will be much appreciated by the mom. Been a new mum isn’t easy any help from our husbands/ partners and so on does make difference. There will be plenty of time to feed your son and trust me it will come pretty soon. But in meantime let the baby be with the mom until breastfeeding is settled before expressing. It is recommended to start expressing at least from 6 weeks. The first few weeks the mom will be producing loads and loads of milk and the baby will be suckling sometimes after every 2 hours, my son did that and had to wake up to feed the baby. Also the first milks is good for their immune system it’s called colostrum and very nutritious. I do hope both of you can collaborate together for your baby’s best interest