Baby blues, breastfeeding and no support

[Shaky27]

Hi all.

Searching for support here as I feel very down. I’m exclusively breastfeeding my LB and after few struggles we have now kind of established our rythm. Nappies wee and poo are ok. But I feel like he doesn’t take weight quickly. He is prema but is now 3w and a half age. Worst is that huby is pressuring me as I’m not ready for sex after my c section! And I don’t feel any desire for any sensual moments at all. And at some point he was not supporting either when I had a difficulty with my milk supply for 1 day. So makes me feel I’m a bad mother.

This is my 3rd child and I have exclusively breastfeed my 2 oldest until 2years old each! So I kind of know what I am doing but it’s just mentally that I feel so sad about all this pressure. And the pregnancy didn’t went well as I had 2 complications in a row which leased to the early c section. Then baby at intensive care because of jaundice and because tiny baby...I just can’t stop crying 😢

[Kempton]

Have you tried eating certain things to boost your milk supply? Oats, bananas and almonds are supposed to be good. I was also advised to take fenugreek supplements to help but, word of warning, they make you stink and baby can be a bit windy.

Expressing and supplementing feeds with that milk could also help you if you're worried about your baby's weight gain.

As for your partner, take all the time you need. Do not let him pressure you, it's the last thing you need. He's being really selfish so don't let it get you down or add to your worries. Maybe have a word and tell him how it's making you feel.

Hope things get better soon. Remember to talk to your midwife if you are having any concerns or feel especially down.

[Shaky27 in reply to Kempton]

I’m taking the infusion supplements with fenugreek and maybe that’s why baby is having gas... otherwise I am trying to drink plenty of normal warm infusion, force myself to eat as I lost appetite. Milk is now coming back since then and following baby’s rhythm but it’s just all these reproaches and comments are making me doubting about myself and everything.

For hubby it’s very hard because he knows exactly what to say to hurt me and making me feel very guilty for both(being a wife and a mom) and my hormones I guess don’t help me being strong enough to ignore what he is saying

I will go and see midwife tomorrow and ask if we can weigh baby and give me some comfort eventually ...

[Hidden in reply to Shaky27]

Your body is amazing and will produce as much milk as your baby demands, so just keep feeding. Have you got any friends you can talk to about how you are feeling?

I didn't have a c section, but I didn't let my hubby any where near me for months! The last thing either of us had energy for was sex.

If he is saying stuff deliberately to hurt you that is a form of domestic abuse, mental abuse and you do not have to take it.

Talk to your health visitor and see what support they can give you for baby and if it's affecting you that badly and hubby won't behave tell her what he says to you and how he makes you feel. PND is horrible, find support wherever you can, talk to people about how you're feeling, take care of yourself, so you can be the best mum you can be xxx

[Shaky27 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Winnie258

Yes i will just keep feeding at demand as looks like working fine. Maybe he is taking weigh but I don’t see it. He is doing good as he doesn’t show hunger.

I have talk to a friend about it and he advised me to focus on myself and baby. One thing at a time and ignore huby. Because at the end of the day I can’t control what he thinks or says. That’s hard to do but I guess the best thing to do.

Today I will start by going to with baby maybe to reassure me or to make me panic completely .... so not sure if it’s a good idea 💡

Then I will speak to midwife about how I feel and what is happening... and see if I get various advices .

Xoxo

[claire16c]

Oh goodness. It sounds like you are actually doing really well feeding your baby (lots of wees and poos sound good- just keep doing what you’re doing! Well done on your older two 👏🏼) but baby blues are getting on top of you, and your husband - well I can’t even say it on here! If he is pressuring you for sex and not being supportive that could be a sign of domestic abuse. You’ve just had a baby!! I would reach out to your health visitor and see if she can sign post you to some help in this area.

Fenugreek isn’t suitable for all women. Don’t worry about taking it. What makes milk is your baby feeding lots. Sometimes prem babies take a little longer to get the weight on. But the nappies sound normal which is great. Poos are a sign of good milk intake

[Shaky27 in reply to claire16c]

Thanks Claire!

Well my second child was even more premature (born at almost 33weeks) so even smaller and tinyer! and I know she was struggling to gain grammes in a month (while we were at the hospital) but once back once the months after she took off on eight gain.

So for my LB I should not worried (when I step back) he is doing well you are all right. It has been only almost 4 weeks.. but I feel like it has been 4 months because of all these pressures.

I have no friends not family physically here in the UK.. so it’s hard for me 😞

Regarding huby... it’s horrible as he just say.. for baby1 he waited 7 months ! For baby2 he waited almost 4 months ... and then he stopped and I said so now you can’t wait more than 3 weeks???? And this pregnancy was the hardest one above that...

I really need to breathe

[claire16c in reply to Shaky27]

That’s even more amazing feeding a prem baby. Well done you! Good work mum!

How does your husband even have the time or energy!

Oh no can you get to some baby groups and try to make some friends? Don’t let yourself get isolated xx

[Shaky27 in reply to claire16c]

Thanks Claire

Well he has energy and time for that since my mum is here to help us ( and do everything with the kids and house) and he does go to work and back and that’s it! But my mum will go back home this Sunday so not sure how I will handle all these. Thank god i had time for rest a max while my mum was here since the birth ... but you know mums... they want to do things their way too! Lol

[claire16c in reply to Shaky27]

Well I’d be letting him know until he helps with the kids and the house you have no energy or desire for that! Plus what doesn’t he get about the fact you’ve just had a baby and your body is recovering.

Ha yes. Glad she could help though. I hope you can perhaps use your children as a way to meet some other parents and not be on your own xx

[Shaky27 in reply to claire16c]

Most disappointing is that it’s our 3rd child!!!!! So now I will ignore him as long as he is annoying me with anything. I will do only what I can and yes I will try to meet new persons and just enjoy my time off with my baby 🥰

[laurafig in reply to Shaky27]

Your hubby needs a hobby! haha

[Shaky27 in reply to laurafig]

😂😂😂

[Georgielouise]

So sorry you feel so down, I never breast fed my two so I can't give advise , just thinking of breast feeding my third who is due in August. Best thing to do is to chat to your midwife or health visitor, you don't want to be feeling down. Men just don't understand you really don't feel like getting intimate after having a c section, you need to rest. It may take the pressure off to try on the bottle maybe, some babies don't take to breast feeding , I know my sister tried and baby wouldn't take . All the best x

[Shaky27 in reply to Georgielouise]

Oh well my breastfeeding was going well until all these remarks about baby being tiny, me not being good wife...so I tried giving baby once a bottle... he took it, he looked at me and I felt really bad as in his eyes I could feel he did prefer my breast (i know sounds strange but) then he vomited everything and he got constipation... so I straight away get back to breastfeed... we are connected and I can’t lie to him

Talking here and hearing different experience support and advices make me feel already better xoxoxo

[Sez46]

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job and that all 3 of your children are lucky to have such a strong mumma who is so determined to do what she feels is right xx

And as for husband, well what can I say!! Any pressure from anyone regarding sex is out of order and is definitely domestic abuse, regardless of the type of birth, no is no x

There are groups out there to offer support to mums, please speak to your midwife/ health visitor asap, and know here are people here that think your doing great xxx

[Shaky27 in reply to Sez46]

Thanks Sez

Feels good hearing I’m not that bad... thanks all of you!

Yes for huby nothing to say really because men are in majority impatients and selfish. We have been married since soon 13 years now so very disappointing...

Maybe talking to a group would help me having my self confidence back... I’m happy I found this forum really

Xoxoxo

[Sez46 in reply to Shaky27]

Your very welcome xx I think a group would be really good for you, meeting new people and making some friends to be with is good for everyone, especially new mums, it's an emotional time and we should all be supportive xx

[Georgielouise]

Awww, you do what is best for you and baby, comments like that you don't need, you are doing well x

[Shaky27]

Hi all

Quick update. I go tomorrow to weigh my LB and I could have a conversation with hubby regarding his obsession and pressure on me. We still don’t get anywhere but at least I could express my feelings and so he did. As soon as I get my pushchair I will go out and breath more often with my kids...and eventually meet new persons (mums) to talk with.

Xoxoxo