Should I have a second child??

[Rebecca2019]

So my LO is only 3 months old and I love her more than anything. I always wanted a big family 5/6 kids at most but ever since having my little girl her dad hasn’t helped me as much as he promised.

I know as a mother I shouldn’t complain about doing everything for my little one and I enjoy looking after her I just hate the fact that her dad comes home and I still do everything he said he would do night feeds etc and it’s all left to me.

After all this I’m really struggling to getting my head around having another child with him, I’ve told him that I don’t want to be left looking after a toddler plus a new baby on my own without his help..

Am I just being stupid?? Or has anyone else ever felt like this??

[Bakingcupcake]

No your not being stupid dont rush into having another child if you dont have the support, wait and see if your husband changes, maybe he will start to help a bit more? Have you spoken to him and told him how you are feeling, having a young baby can feel very lonely if you dont have the right support. My husband is great with our little one and i certainly couldn't have done it without him so i feel for you as its hardwork!x

[Rebecca2019]

I have amazing support from his family and mine just not from him, he works all week so we only get weekends together yet he wants to go and do his own thing so where left alone again it drives me insane!! I’ve spoke to him about it and he says I’m selfish for wanting him to help when he’s been at work all day 🙄🙄x

[Octoberbaby2019]

Don't rush having another baby especially if you are already worrying about having no support from your partner. Parents and family are great support but they aren't there at night or when baby is screaming or ill.

You are also at work every day, just your job is unpaid and doesn't have fixed hours so your husbands comments are quite insensitive. What can help is organising some things for yourself in the evening or weekends and telling him he'll have to look after baba because you have a gp appointment/hair dressers/ massage booked.

On weekends you are also allowed to do "your own stuff" so I'd say start with booking dentist and hair dresser where baby baby come with you and he will have to look after her. Also I fell into this trap too where I would "hog" my baby and not give him to my husband cos I thought he was tired or getting on with other stuff but I realised he didn't offer to help as he got the impression I thought nobody could do better than me. So it's important when you are at home you hand him the baby and say I really need a shower as I've been puked on today or my xyz is hurting so I'm going to have a bath and just leave him to it, don't rush back just because baby is crying because then they feel like you gave them a job and don't have faith them doing it.

Another good thing is to book in for swimming or sensory classes on the weekend and make your husband come with you as family bonding.

You're not alone feeling like this btw... I think every mum goes through this (other than those lucky ones), I think men don't know what to do and think we're fine.

Hope your husband starts helping out more x take baby steps x

Also if you start feeling down and frustrated, it's fine to leave your baby to cry for 5-10 minutes and just sort yourself out, get food, go toilet or just have a good cry. And also go to the baby clinics and talk to a health visitor, it helps just telling someone and they have a lot of experience and advice they can give x