Gynae issues unresolved 😔🙉

[Positive2022]

Went to hospital this morning for planned gynaecological surgery after my episiotomy scar healed badly. Was in the process of being admitted, consent form signed, wee sample done and hospital bands on wrists only to have a grumpy matron walk in and send me home as the trust decided to 'cancel all operations'.

After having such a traumatic birth following fertility treatment, to the extend where I have ended up needing therapy for PND and PTSD, and the constant feeling of uncertainty as to whether I was actually mismanaged during labour, I have kept positive and been okay knowing that the surgery was hopefully going to move me forwards and then this morning almost feels as though I have gone 10 steps backwards.

I do work in the NHS and I completely understand the pressures at the moment, but as a patient, psychologically this has really affected me today.

There was no indication of when the next date will be and even the Consultant said there is a good chance this will happen again if and when the next date comes round.

Sex is so painful which psychologically has had a massive impact negatively on my mood and I just don't know where to turn to next.

I emailed PALS after my Consultant encouraged me to voice my opinion but I'm not hopeful there will be any resolution soon to be honest.

Not even sure as to the point of my post, just needed to vent as you have all been such an amazing support network for me ♥️

[Hidden]

I’m really sorry, it’s awful to be ready for theatre but to have it cancelled ☹️

I’m also sorry you had a difficult traumatic birth. I remember you from fertility forum. Which makes the experience even worse.

I had a difficult 2nd birth with my daughter ( my first birth was so straight forward) & I contacted PALS the managers who visited my house admitted to errors & protocols not being followed. I’ve got a gynae appointment to check my stitching. I have found PALS to be a good port of call they’ve been very helpful.

I would if you can get your GP to write to the hospital too that would be helpful towards your case. A letter from a dr holds a lot of whack ( I went down this route to speed my 3rd lap was a 8 month waiting list - I waited 2 months because of the letter).

I hope you get this sorted out soon xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much and I'm so sorry you have had a difficult time too but pleased you found PALS helpful and had good support from your GP. I'm waiting to hear back from both my GP and PALS. My husband and I would love to give our baby a sibling but I'm starting to come to terms that this is looking less and less likely, especially as age isn't really on my side now. I hope you are doing okay ♥️ xxx

[Bluelady-sing]

What happened in the birth?

[Seb9 in reply to Bluelady-sing]

If you read her other posts, she goes into detail about what has happened. Think she's looking for support not more questions at this time xx

[Seb9]

Hi sorry to hear your having such a tough time. It sounds so frustrating to be all ready for your operation and then to have it cancelled. Its stressful enough just going into hospital.

Is the operation something you could get done privately? I've never looked into it but I know friends who have had other things done privately they have said it's so much nicer than on the NHS. More like being in a hotel.

I hope Pals get back to you soon and you get some sort of resolution.

Good luck xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Seb9]

Thank you so much for your reply. I could kick myself for not asking my Consultant about the option of going private, why I didn't think about this I don't know. I think I was just too upset to think rationally. I don't whether it's an option for me financially but I may speak to my GP depending on how things go with PALS. It's just the lack of empathy, it really felt like I was a number not a person with feelings. Thank you for letting me get things off my chest. I hope you are doing okay ♥️

[Seb9 in reply to Positive2022]

I can never think straight in hospitals, I just nod and smile then kick myself when I get home with all the questions I should have asked 🙈

I think sometimes nurses and doctors forget they're dealing with people who aren't used to being in hospitals and can be a bit matter of fact.

Once when my mum was in hospital in a&e for heart palpitations a nurse was really short with us and was really not happy to be working and was telling us how busy and fed up she was. It was awful because she made me feel like we were an inconvenience to her. When actually is was an extremely stressful time for my mum, it's not like she wanted to be there. I'm sure she was a good nurse but her manner was so abrupt my mum nearly burst into tears.

Fingers crossed for you though, it's so nice on her to have a place with support for each other where you can have a bit of a vent. Much needed as mum's or expectent mum's xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Seb9]

I'm so sorry your mum had such a negative experience. I do work on the frontline in the NHS and I understand the pressures and the need to cancel surgery but there is absolutely no excuse for lack of empathy and that was very unprofessional the way the nurse spoke to your mum. It's not acceptable. It's very difficult as a patient with the rollercoaster of emotions we go through. I was left in a room with my husband alone in tears, still had my name bands on my wrists. I have found the fertility journey so hard, and we haven't gone through half as much as some people. I don't know where people find the strength sometimes. For some reason, I feel so emotionally fragile, even now. I was let down massively with my postnatal care, which I truly believe spiralled me downhill. Hard to explain to people who haven't gone through the same journey. Thank you for your support and taking the time to respond ♥️💕♥️

[Seb9 in reply to Positive2022]

I have a had a relatively straight forward time luckily, in terms of getting pregnant and birth. Even so becoming a mum was totally overwhelming for me, it was a complete life change, having this tiny person enter your life. Who is what feels like your biggest critic for those first few months. I couldn't seem to do anything right for her in the beginning but now she thinks I'm the funniest thing going and the only thing she looks for when she's unhappy, it's definitely the toughest job I've ever had.

I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through with having fertility treatment and a traumatic birth to contend with. It's a lot to deal with and it sounds like you've done amazingly with trying to get the help you need and being a mum at the same time.

We mum's are often so quick to judge each other, breast or bottle, Co sleep, cot, blah blah blah, I think we definitely need to support each other far more and be a bit more honest why how bloody tough it can be!!

I really hope you get your op soon and can start to heal physically and emotionally, sending you lots of love xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Seb9]

Being a mum is the hardest but the best job in in the world. Huge congratulations on becoming a mummy too. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. This forum has been a lifesaver for me. I've work up with a slightly clearer head today so I'm going to ring the hospital and get a date sorted 🤞(if I can get through to anyone 😂🙉🤔)

[Positive2022]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I think the whole fertility journey has left me feeling so emotionally fragile and the subsequent complications have been tough. I think I just feel so upset as, apart from the obvious disappointment after psyching myself up for surgery, the lack of empathy is really upsetting. Whilst my Consultant was great when I spoke to him, after I was told the news, I was just left in a side room in tears. Left the hospital in tears without even a word of when I'll hear about what happens next. I know I'm not the only one, and there are much worse cases but it has set me back such a long way. Just to add to things, I had the coil in January (recommended by gynae) which of course has had some complications (why wouldn't it!?!) And I was meant to have gynae check that today which of course never happened. I've left a message for my GP and now waiting to hear from my doctor and PALS xxx

[Audrey1192]

Hi I had the sane as u its is so so painful and Ive been told to wait 3years before any kind if answer is made sex is sore certain ways although I fund me doing the stuff more do able I am now 27weeks pregnant again and dreading the pain. I have been seeing sodacream to relif the pain there and warm salty water seem to help also white vinger hope this help Abit. Xx

I also has ti have my son breech and nearly lost him and myself from blood lost.

[Positive2022 in reply to Audrey1192]

I'm so sorry to hear you have had such a difficult time too. I hope you are doing better now and your current pregnancy is going okay. Thank you for taking the time to respond, it's so helpful to chat things through. Take care. ♥️