Anxiety about giving birth!

[KayCan]

Hi all, I'm just looking for some advice really, I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has ever worried about giving birth, but I'm absolutely petrified and have been since about week 14!! I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first child at age 39 through IVF, had no complications so far so have been very lucky. I debate with myself on a daily basis if I should just take the stress away and book a section? I know it's a major operation in essence and recovery time will be longer I just wondered what your thoughts are? I realise none of us get a medal for this and he/she has to come out in some way!! I've mentioned to consultant and midwife about my anxiety and we have agreed to decide nearer the time but it's on my mind constantly!

[Kiedy84]

Hi hun, I hear you I was the same as you. We also went through IVF and even at the very beginning I was scared thinking about labour. My friend then recommend looking into hyphobirthing and oh my world I can't recommend it highly enough! I now actually look forward to giving birth and I feel positive and empowered. I think the biggest thing is education and understanding what is going on with your body, understanding medical terms, interventions and their implications and also knowing how you can support your body simply by staying calm and in control.

I didn't realise that there are so so many positive birth stories because all I knew was what I saw on TV in films and one born every minute. We found a midwife who was a hyphobirthing teacher and had 3 sessions with her at our house. Most of the work you do yourself with your partner. My husband was reluctant at first but he saw the change in me and he is now loving it and 100% on board.

Xx

[KayCan in reply to Kiedy84]

Thank you for the reply!! I will look into this.

That's the thing I feel that TV and films have alot to answer for lol! I am reluctant to read any books incase i frighten myself even more! But I totally get that this is what our bodies are built for, and that my body hasn't let me down so far so have to trust it. X

[Kiedy84 in reply to KayCan]

I didn't trust the natural process of birth because...we didn't get pregnant naturally. I made this connection in my head and it was hard to re-wire it. But I did thanks to Hyphobirthing techniques and learning about my body. Even if things don't turn out exactly as we hope for (water birth in a hospital) we feel secure in our knowledge and options. That's the best prep we could have done. I am sure you will be fine. Just stay away from any negative stories xxx

[Winter_Girl in reply to Kiedy84]

Hello! Fellow IVF mum here 😊

I completely agree with everything that Kiedy84 said. I wasn't anxious about giving birth but I did a lot of reading up on labour and birth, pain relief, interventions etc...Some people thought I read too much but I don't regret knowing all my options. I also read a lot of positive birth stories online (look at the positive birth company on Instagram if you have it). I didn't do a hypnobirthing course but I did read "Your Baby Your Birth", which I loved. The author makes it very clear that it isn't about having a "perfect" birth - it's about knowing your options and feeling in control so you can have a positive experience no matter what happens (where possible, of course). I had a very straightforward labour and birth, luckily, and even when in pain I was somehow able to communicate my wishes (my birth preferences didn't even make it out of my bag!). Xx

[Lovefood1984]

Another IVF mum who was dreading giving birth (in-fact I’d managed to convince myself I’d never have to 😂). I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal 😊 Personally I had a great birth, 5 1/2hr job, just gas and air (not a small baby at 8lb 5oz) and although I needed a small cut (episiotomy it’s called) as I’d been pushing for an hour, best thing ever, they numbed the area, I never felt a thing and with the next contraction she was out 😀 They do explain things as things happen and had warned me she may need the help of a suction cap on her head. In my mind all first births took hours/days and it was going to be really bad it it honestly wasn’t. I echo what others have said, tv has a lot to answer for! It may well be looking up calming techniques x

[Cheekymonkey85]

I'm not an ivf mum, but I can definitely say that we all have our worries about giving birth. But having gone through it twice now, & 11 weeks away from having my 3rd, I can honestly say giving birth is the easy part 😂 they don't give you enough drugs to get you through the next 18+ years!!!!!

[Sfarre]

Hello! Another IVF mum here! It's perfectly natural to have concerns about the birth, it's a major life event! I can tell you though that I felt like you, but when it actually happened it was wonderful Not going to lie, of course it feels a bit intense but for me it was three pushes, no tear and she just slid out haha. And I had an induction.

Anyway...enough about my birth story... The two things that massively helped were hypnobirthing and using an epi no. I would massively recommend taking a Katherine graves hypnobirthing course if you can afford to. There is a fear release meditation part of that course that I did every day before sleeping that I credit with giving me so much confidence and reducing the anxiety.

[KayCan in reply to Sfarre]

Thank you for the reply! I've enrolled me and hubby onto hypnobirthing taster session next week, and if it is for us then we will do the full course. I do want to feel calm and in control so I'm open to trying anything ❤

[Sfarre in reply to KayCan]

Good stuff! Best of luck with it all.

[emmab178]

An ivf mum here. Found my anxiety about not losing the baby up to about 28 weeks transferred to oh sh!t this has to come out of me, arghhh.

I went for counselling but also booked in for an elective c section. Wonderful calm experience. All planned and no emergency c sections which i heard can be quite traumatic.

All about risk versus the reward decision.

Before booking in i did an nct class, weekly hypnobirthing etc. It helped that the baby was breech so they always had a c section on the cards anyway.

[KayCan]

These are my thoughts exactly, you just get over the worry that something will happen to the baby then think oh crap!! I didn't think I would get this far, but so unbelievably grateful we have!! Will try the hypnobirthing session but will also keep talking to my consultant, I realise he/she is going to have to come out and us women have been doing this for thousands of years!

Did you feel ok after the section, as in recovery etc?

[staaa88]

Heyyy, I’m in the same boat. IVF, always had a fear about giving birth since a young age, totally forgot about it when I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

I’m now 40 weeks and I cry about it daily. I haven’t felt like I could ask for a csection though. But if you feel like me I can tell you the anxiety only gets worse, I’m sure the waiting is worse than giving birth. I’ve been to both NCT and hypnobirthing, which, personally didn’t help whatsoever. There’s nothing that can reassure me and don’t let anyone make you feel stupid because you can’t be reassured! I know everyone has anxiety about giving birth but there’s definitely a difference between anxiety and absolute fear to the point of feeling petrified.

I can’t offer any advise I just wanted to let you know you’re not on your own.

Xxx

[KayCan in reply to staaa88]

Thank you for the message, I hope the professionals recognise your worries and offer you some help. I imagine it'll be a relief once it's all over for you.

I do want to feel calm and I am willing to explore options, I am lucky that I have a good midwife and my consultant is as laid back as they come but equally likes to limit the stress especially when expectant mothers have had IVF so I know he will do right by me.

I hope that you don't have too much longer to wait xx

[Hidden]

Hi,

Congrats on your pregnancy and upcoming birth! I’m pregnant with my 4th baby (after a 12 year gap) and your post reminded me that I had felt the EXACT same way! Except I had a fear of having to have a C-Section as well as seeing my three older sisters (two having all their babies naturally) and one having hers as a CS. I so badly wanted a natural birth as once my sisters had their babies...that was it! My other sister who had the CS was so sick, immobile and in a lot of pain. So I wanted the natural version HOWEVER definitely opting for the epidural! I spoke at lengths about it with my OB and he was supportive of whatever I wanted and definitely encouraged the drugs.

So I ended up needing to be induced with my first...laboured all day and had a few complications (just the things they prepare you for) but I’d had an Epidural so it was all handled well, calmly and pain free. My son ended up being posterior and my OB attempted “A Kelans Rotation” (spelling could be wrong) which isn’t practiced much these days. Found out after labouring and pushing that he wasn’t going to come out and had to have an emergency CS. Though it was calm and I felt completely comfortable. So now I’ve had 3 CS as it turns out i’ve got a small pelvis. Though I am forever grateful to have gone through the labour experience and I would have done it again if I could have. Our bodies are designed to do it however not all are great at it. I’ve got friend who LOVED their birthing experiences (with no drugs). Everyone and everybody is different!

I’d love to have a 5th child but with the risks that come with multiple CS I can’t. This will be my last one (so grateful beyond words to have another bubby).

My point is...it’s completely natural to fear the unknown but women have been doing this for centuries and we are in the best times of child birth. Do what makes you happy however you could also have regrets that you missed out on the labour process.

My biggest tip...just demand that epidural ASAP! There are good points and bad for both ways...none are without risk nor pain but both with lots of gain! Good luck hun...it’s the most magical feeling when you hold your baby for the first time! Xx

[KayCan]

Ah thank you for the message, I can't wait to hold my little one and for these feelings of fear to go!! I am usually a laid back person and to be honest have no set plan as such as I know things can change quite quickly in the labour game but my ideal would be to have a water birth.

The only worry for me is , if I need a section that I'm going to be good for nothing for a few weeks after. But then if I opt for a natural birth and I can't do it, I would end up having a section anyway!! But I think you're right, it's the unknown🤯

But yes I'll be accepting drugs/epidural when required!!

I'd never even had a medical procedure before I had IVF, so I have gotten brave over the last 18 months 😀

Congrats to you on your number 4!! It can't have been so bad to be doing this again 😘

[ali1009]

Hey it's true everyone feels anxiety about birth . With my daughter whose 7 I was scared I went 11 days over and had b induced which failed and had emergency c section . Then I have a 10 week old boy again was scared as never had a natural birth and didnt no what to expect as I was anxious I had sweep at 40 weeks and at 40 weeks on my due date i had 2 sweeps student and then midwife checked i ended up havin contractio me on thurs day after 2 sweeps and all thru night was income not painful rang hosp they sed stay home at 7 on the fro morning I cudnt move from sofa i rang ambulance at 7.38 and I delivered my son myself at 7.50 and few min later the paramedics were at the door . Then another team turned up and sed welcome to the world joel the 999 operator told them his name and it was lovely chilled out my 7 yeat old slept thru it all and woke up just before so delivered but stayed in my room and let the paramedics in . The worse thing was needed stitches.. but defo natural is way easy to recover from than a c section and the blood loss after was lot less and over quicker . As someone whose been thru both and both ended up different than I expected hope it helps always here if u need chat xx

[Arya10]

Hey, I’ve had a lot of anxiety too about giving birth. Not IVF baby but it did take us a few years (‘unexplained infertility’) to conceive and that has made me so much more scared something might go wrong during pregnancy.

Like the others have said, hypnobirthing is really helpful. Someone gave me this book: Hypnobirthing: The Breakthrough to Safer, Easier, More Comfortable Childbirth amazon.co.uk/dp/0285637711/...

And it really helped me feel much calmer and more in control. Katherine Graves’ hypnobirthing relaxation on ITunes I found also really useful.

I’m currently 39 weeks and have found my anxiety has been creeping back, so after reading your post this morning (thank you for the motivation!) I downloaded The Positive Birth Company’s digital hypnobirthing course and have already ploughed my through a chunk of the videos. It’s already making me feel calmer again. She explains things so well - knowledge is power! Hope I have enough time left to get through it all.

Good luck and hope you find something that works for you!

[Shelleybean]

Fellow IVF mama-to-be here having similar thoughts. I’ve pretty much always feared childbirth (since I can remember), made worse by a terrible needle phobia (decision to do IVF was huge for me), but have to say another vote for hypnobirthing here! I’m only 22 weeks, but we’ve just finished a Katherine Graves course as nexts month’s was full. I work in the NHS and both myself and my husband kind of like to rely on science, so was really worried what it was going to be like, but can honestly say it was very science/ evidence based and gave us a really good understanding of what our rights, options and choices are when it comes to birth. Feel so much more empowered about the whole thing and that I can actually do this! Hope it works for you if you choose to go down that route xx

[Happy2477]

You may not know anything about giving birth but your body is absolutely amazing and will do the job for you. You are just going along for the ride. - mom of 4.