Feelings after successful ivf

[destiny121]

Hey ladies... I’m just thinking and pondering my life after the rollercoaster journey of ivf. I’m lying down with baba and still in disablief that he is mine. I’m incredibly happy of course I am but does the trauma of infertility ever go away even after success. Just wondering how others feel. I just feel like the luckiest lady on the planet and then the ugly monster appears and I think about all I went through to get him and it really does make me cry. 😊🙈😊

[Hidden]

Hey. How old is your little boy? I felt the same way for a while in the early days, I'd literally sob because I couldn't believe i had a baby but i still felt sad that we had to endure so much to get her. My little girl is 5 months old now and I still find myself wondering what sort of child/ren we would have had if we'd fallen pregnant naturally, would they have looked like my little girl etc. But the pain was all worth it and I'd go through it all again for my little girl.

I've had quite a few people telling me I might fall pregnant naturally next time, and i always explain that i don't want to knowing i have 2 potential lives in the freezer. Some people don't get it.

I don't think we ever fully get over it. Our children remind us of how lucky we are, but also of everything we went through xx

[destiny121 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and I’m glad I’m not the only one.. my lb is 3 months old and is my absolute world. It’s just like you said I find myself thinking about what I went through etc and whilst going through ivf your aim is to be pregnant etc and you dont actually think about how you would feel once a baby arrives.

[Hidden in reply to destiny121]

Its overwhelming having a baby anyway without all the added emotions of infertility. I think it does ease eventually but your hormones are still all over the place so your bound to feel emotional at times. I quite often say to my partner "I still can't believe we've got our baby". 😊 I can't imagine having a child that isn't my LG so I'm kind of thankful that we went through what we did because it gave us the child we have x

[Mitt45]

Hi,

Thanks for raising this, I'm nearly 30 weeks pregnant with my fourth and final attempt with ivf.

I hadn't thought if I would have any of those feelings when I have her. At least if i do i know I wont be alone.

Right now I wish I was in your position and she is here.

Ivf is the hardest journey we've ever been on, each and every time. My overwhelming feelings right now are of feeling lucky and blessed the medical world has come so far to do this for me, I'm still scared something will go wrong, I dont think that'll stop until she's here and then I'll worry about something else lol.

It's ok to feel the way you feel and I hope the ugly monster sods off with the less positive feelings and ur left with only the positives. You did amazing to go through what you did, all us ivf ladies did, be proud of yourself.

Congrats on your lb. Xx

[destiny121 in reply to Mitt45]

Ahhhh congratulations.... success on your fourth round now that really is something to be proud of. Not long left for you to go now.... it’s funny you say that you wish you were in my position with a. 3 month old and yet I wish I was in other women situations where there children are a bit older as I worry about him all the time. Then I think ooohhh in 3 months time the risk of sids reduces quite drastically etc and I suppose the list goes on and on. I suppose being a mum whether you’ve had fertility treatment or not brings a whole host of worry and anxiety but for us warriors we appreciate them that little bit more 😘😘 good luck with your birth and ohhhh you’re going to have a lil girl 😘😘💗

[Mitt45 in reply to destiny121]

Thank you. I think we all just worry about our babies whether they are born yet, 3 months, 6 months or 21 years old.

As hard as times may be, we are so lucky.

I'm going to keep focusing on that and try not to let my fears overrule me.....its hard at times though!

We defo are warriors, strong and proud.

Take care and keep smiling 😁😁

[Georgielouise]

I have been through it myself. My daughter is 3 soon and was my 2nd cycle of IVF. The heartbreak of miscarriage after my first cycle will be there always as I don't wish to forget as to me the embryo was a little baby. But even after going through it all I have gone again. I did a third which didn't work and now a fourth cycle and am pregnant again at 32 weeks. It is such a lot to go through and I think people that go through it and keep trying are very strong and brave because you don't know if it will work and all you have is the hope to get you through. I will have 2 IVF children and I am very proud of myself for going through it all, it is so very emotional and devastating when it doesn't work but wonderful when it does. Congratulations. x

[destiny121 in reply to Georgielouise]

Ahhhhh how amazing that you’re going to have a sibling for your daughter. It’s such an emotional journey and we are all so strong to go through it... I’m so grateful for the opportunity as I love my boy and couldn’t imagine life without him. Good luck for your up and coming labour how amazing 😊😊

[M1980]

My goodness, this is so comforting to read. I am struggling with the roller coaster of emotions too. My ds is 8vweeks today and some days the journey we have been on to get here catches up on me. Other days it is completely forgotten and I am in the here and now thoughts. During the ivf process, i think i didnt stop to think and take in what was happening, I just went to thinking of the next stage. Then the shock and surprise and relief at I was pregnant then the fear something would go wrong. Now my wee one is here and thriving and the hormones are also here, I can stop to think!

Thank you for writing your post, dont feel as alone now!

[destiny121 in reply to M1980]

I’m so happy that I’m not the only one thinking like this... I thought to myself why am I thinking like this... after all what we as a couple have gone through... we did it... it’s so joyous and watching my partner with my son is the best feeling in the world. It’s like your on cloud 9 all of the time and then the anxiety kicks in as you just don’t want anything to happen to your lil one. I guess we just have to enjoy each day and just smile when we think of our journey and thank the bloody universe(excuse my language) that we were one of the lucky ones as I wouldn’t wish this journey on my worse enemy. 😘😘

[Mantaray75]

I don't think you do forget the IVF process, no matter how happy you are that it has worked. My little girl is nearly 12 weeks and I'm still in denial which people don't understand who haven't been through this process.

On good days I'm so happy and can't believe my luck especially when I read of other people still going through the struggle. On bad days, particularly in those difficult first few weeks I wasn't enjoying being a mum and felt so guilty that I wasn't ecstatic all the time and more grateful.

IVF changes you even after success but maybe it makes me more proud to be a mum.

x

[M1980 in reply to Mantaray75]

I cant believe others feel the same. J have been so scared to admit I feel like this!! X

[Kempton]

My son is almost 18 months old now and although I still marvel at the miracle of science ivf is, I think I'm over those feelings now. I still get a slight pang of sadness (or is it envy?) when I hear of people getting pregnant so easily, but Im so busy taking care of my boy that I don't have time for all that negativity!

Enjoy your little one. He's really here and he's really yours

[Hidden in reply to Kempton]

I feel exactly the same as you re pang of sadness or envy I’m not sure what it is either. My LG’s key worker is now pregnant and I had feelings I couldn’t describe about the situation xx

[Kempton in reply to Hidden]

Glad I'm not alone. It's sort of like how it used to feel each and every time there was a pregnancy announcement. That horrible sadness and why-not-me feeling.

I'm expecting another baby now and haven't had to confront the situation in a while but I wonder if our second baby will cure me of those lingering feelings.

[Hidden in reply to Kempton]

I always thought that feeling would go once I had a baby. I hate feeling like it. We are going to try for naturally for another baby soon and really hope it works for us xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I feel the same. I really thought I'd stop feeling so jealous once my baby was here but I find it incredibly difficult not to feel annoyed / sad / angry when people fall so easily. I also hate it when people tell me that lots of people are choosing to have babies later in life these day and I have to remind them that I didn't choose to do that, it is the way things worked out! Xx

[Hidden]

It personally feel like it was lifetime ago we had IVF it doesn’t feel real anymore so I guess those feelings wear off eventually. I do occasionally look back and think about it all but it all felt a bit of a whirlwind it feels like it happened to someone else. I think more about the miscarriage we had as I think what he/she could of been like etc xx

[Lovefood1984]

I think I’ve struggled more with the fact we had to let our 3 Frosties go as we couldn’t afford to have more children and the thought of what they might have become upset me more than anything else.....only others who have been through it can probably relate x

[Hidden in reply to Lovefood1984]

I totally get this! So may people keep telling me that I might fall naturally next time but I've told them that I don't want to now that I have 2 embryos in the freezer. On the day of transfer I had two embryos of the same quality; one was implanted and resulted in my daughter and the other one was frozen, but it could have been my little girl in the freezer. My stepmum told me 'it's just cells" but they have all the potential to be little humans, my little humans. I face the same issue as you in that we only want one more child because of our age so assuming we do an FET and it works for as again we will have to discard the other one. Anyway, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Xx

[Lovefood1984 in reply to Hidden]

I can so relate and glad someone feels the same. My husband is older than me and will be 44 this year, I’ve just turned 35. The reality is with no family to help out we need to pay for full time childcare which we can afford for one but not two so that alongside age and wanting to retire at a reasonable age (watched my mum pass away at 61 with only a couple of years of retirement under her belt 😢) we had no other option. Unlike those that get pregnant naturally you’ll never know if you made an embryo and it never survived implantation etc. whereas I think about what might have been, girls, boys, our embryo was picked as the best out of 2 by someone, the other 2 were day 6 freezers, who knows if any were viable but I certainly couldn’t have 4 kids 😂 They certainly aren’t ‘just cells’ to us 😞 Ours will be long gone by now as we sent the form back a couple of months ago (we did sign paperwork for them to be used for research so they may help others in the future 😊) I try not to think too much about it x

[Lou9]

I’m so glad you wrote this post. My daughter is 1 next week and I still can’t believe she is here. I still find myself getting emotional when I think about our journey to get here, of how lucky we are to have her and how sad I feel for other women who aren’t as lucky. I sometimes feel slightly different from other mums... it’s hard to explain. I also completely agree about the feelings of guilt when you are feeling anything other than joyous... I would never admit that I was tired, anxious or feeling overwhelmed because I felt I was being ungrateful. With hindsight I now realise I was being really unfair to myself - feelings of tiredness and worry don’t mean that you’re not happy or grateful!

I now have people asking me whether I will have a sibling for my daughter but, like many of the replies, it’s so complicated. I have three frosties and am high risk for another ectopic which puts me off trying naturally... even people that know we had IVF ask me when I’m having another which really annoys me! It just shows, unless you’ve been through it, you just don’t get it!

Enjoy watching your little boy grow and change. I hope you can talk to someone close to you about how you are feeling, you’ve been through a lot to get to this point and it doesn’t just disappear. Thanks again for your post. X