I wondered if anyone else has been in this tricky situation...I found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant and my boyfriend of a year wants me to terminate. Neither of us have children, I am nearly 40 and he is 41 and we do both want children however he is making me choose between him or the baby. Our relationship has been a little rocky but we do want to try and make it work but he can’t do that whilst there is a baby. I had my 8 week scan yesterday and there is a healthy heartbeat and I can’t go through with the termination. I told him and he literally walked out. Deep down I am so excited about the baby but there is this black cloud over the situation because I know I’m going to lose him. It will be difficult bringing up a baby alone but I want to do it.
If anyone has any advice or has been in this situation I’d love to hear from you. Thank you.
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GCMH
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Wow I’m very sorry to read this and this must be so difficult for you. All I can say is a baby never grows up alone, there will be friends, grandparents, and other people in your life who will love it in addition to you of course, even if the 2 of you split up. He may also be scared and reacting in a way that isn’t constructive right this moment. But it doesn’t mean you need to make a decision to terminate. All will be well in the end, even if he doesn’t come around. Take a deep breath and spend some time with someone who can really support you right now, he cannot be that person at least not right now.
Thank you, really good advice, I have got lovely friends and family around so I’m spending time with them which definitely helps make me feel better.
wow im sorry to read this..... I know how you are feeling ive been in exactly the same situation with my first child we had been together for 2 years and I found out I was 12 weeks pregnant and he made me choose even tho we both wanted kids..... I chose baby all day long and I brought baby up all on my own I didnt have my family as we wasn't talking..... some times I found it hard but got through it when she was 2 years old he wanted to have contact with her but that only lasted for 6 months .....
im just going to be blunt now never pick a man over kids... your kid is with you for a life time a man can come and go as he please...... you can bring your baby up on your own not saying it will be easy at first but it does get easier and im sure you will have family and friends to help out xxxx
Thank you and sorry to read about your story too. It sounds like you’re strong and have managed amazingly. Your story has definitely encouraged me so thank you x
Wow. That’s nice of him! I have no experience of this but I do know a good friend who is 40 and going it alone. Her bundle of joy is 5 months and both are doing great. I’m 42 and my baby is nearly 4 weeks, and because my partner work away lots, I’m on my own a lot. It’s hard but so rewarding. Sending you hugs.xx
Sorry to heard this and I do feel for you. But your baby comes first and ignore what he has to say. I bet when baby does come he’ll want to be the doting father or when he sees your growing bump then tell
Him to f... off. On a serious note what a joy the baby will bring to you... this is coming from a lady who struggled to conceive and had to have fertility treatment and currently looking at my 8 week old baby boy. It’s amazing it truly is... it will be difficult but lots of single ladies do it... and they survive and so will you xx
Thanks for taking the time to reply, I know it will be difficult but I want this more than anything and I know I’m very lucky to be pregnant. I’m happy to read about your bundle of joy! x
I'm sorry to hear of the situation you're in. My advice to you is that this child is a blessing to you. Men will come and go and there is no guarantee that if you terminate the pregnancy that things will get better between you and your partner so if I were in your situation I would hold on to this precious gift. You have been blessed with a gift that many, many women are praying for and feel that you if you terminate this pregnancy to keep this man you will regret it for the rest of your life and you will never get over it.
Think of this scenario, what if you terminate it then you end up splitting up anyway, then he goes off and ends up having a child with another woman?? Please let this baby live and be a part of your life and bring you the joy that you so deserve.
I think the reasons are that our relationship hasn’t been brilliant lately so I think he’s doubting having a baby with the right woman. He’s also out of work at the moment and suffers from depression. We don’t live together but I think he’s freaked out by it all. I’m giving him time and space.
Honest opinion, keep the baby because having a termination isn’t going to save your relationship, if it helps we went through the same and now we’re expecting our second - doesn’t always work out but if I were in my 40s and felt that strongly this would be non-negotiable - best to just cool things off and get some distance if he comes around great if he doesn’t then even better, nobody wants a bloke that can’t own up to his responsibilities in their 40s! Xx
Thanks for your advice and I’m really pleased it worked out for you. You never know he may come round but the important thing I’m learning is to be happy with the baby
If I had no children and wanted one at 40 then I’d definitely keep it I’m 39 ttc my 3rd I’ve had 3 mc and feel my baby making time is running out fast. I’ve been a single parent with my 2 kids when they were 7&5 wasn’t that difficult, him being there was harder.
No advice just lots of love. I would make the same choice as you. If he actually wants children then now is the time as neither of you are getting any younger (I had my first baby at 40). Sometimes the lack of control they have plus the fear about becoming a father makes them a little crazy so he may come round. Then it’s up to you whether you would take him back or not.
So sorry to hear about your situation. Totally unfair to expect you to make that decision over him or the baby. Personally I would choose the baby but think you need to sit down and have a frank convo about it. Whatever you do be firm in your decision. Hope everything works out. X
That’s so very hard and sad to have to go through, but is this a man you would actually want to be with anyways to know that he wants kids but says he can’t fix a relationship with you just because your having a baby is complete bullshit. Don’t let him walking away make you change your mind about your baby. I raised my first for 5 yrs alone at 2. I found another relationship after and our relationship had a lot of problems he wasn’t faithful ( sexting) another girl I found out I was pregnant and we worked on our relationship we now have a strong amazing relationship and I just had our second child on the 14th so if he did actually want it to work he would try even harder knowing that your pregnant
So sorry this is happening. If he wants children eventually i can't understand his reaction. Makes me think there is something else going on that is causing the tension in your relationship but either way he is clearly considering his wants and needs and not what is in your best interests. As a woman approaching her forties who is struggling to have a child due to low AMH i would urge you to go ahead. I cant see you ever regretting that decision even if he leaves. I can see you regretting a termination and he may leave regardless. Either way i wish you strength during this difficult time.x
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