Fighting and miscarriage

[Prettiest]

I'm 9 week pregnant and yesterday I have a fight with my husband. I'm so depressed and stressed for 2 days but now I try to calm myself. Is this situation causes miscarriage. I've slight back pain but there is no cramping/bleeding .please some one has the same experience and doing fine? I'm so worried.

[Comicbookmum]

Pregnancy can be an anxiety provoking time and although stress isn't good, it is certainly normal. As are arguments. They do not cause miscarriages. We all go through highs and lows during our pregnancies and emotions out of control often come with the territory of changing hormones. Try talking to your baby, telling them you love them. They might be too small to hear but it helps you bond. Do some of your favourite things, have a long shower or a nice bath, go for a walk, listen to some music, cook your favourite meal. Whatever you need to break out of this spiral of worry. Call someone you love and have a chat, whether about this or just the weather. Find a breathing and meditation app and do some deep breathing. Learning how to relax from early on is going to be so important in the months to come, see this as a chance to practice. Your baby is developing as a person while you are developing as a mum. There's a learning curve. The fact that you are worried baby might have been harmed already shows your heart is in the right place, you have a deep wish for this little one to be well and happy. Focus on that. You are doing great!

[1timemommy in reply to Comicbookmum]

Thank you so much, I really needed to read this. I am a first time mommy to be and all of these changes are pretty much scary for myself and boyfriend. Will do my best to stay positive and stress free. Letting go of wat can be upsetting and moving on is definitely my biggest challenge lol but I’ll get better at it for the sake of our baby. Thank you again ❤️

[pinkie93]

Stress isn't good, but it won't necessarily cause a miscarriage. When I got pregnant I was buying a property, dealing with the worst estate agent ever and very nervous sellers. It was an incredibly stressful time. But I just had my 20 week scan yesterday and baby is growing perfectly, no concerns. Please try not to worry, the most common cause of early miscarriage is actually chromosomal issues, completely out of anyone's control. Good Luck!

[Comicbookmum]

Also, if you continue to feel stressed and depressed, talk to your GP about referring you for talking therapies or search for your local IAPT service, as you can self-refer and get talking therapy (counselling, CBT, etc.) for free. There are people out there who are trained and happy to help, you don't have to go through this alone and they can teach you how to manage your worry. There's only so much the internet can do to help and often it does more harm than good. Women need to feel supported and safe during pregnancy, that's how our brains are wired, so having someone to talk to face to face makes a world of difference. Your baby will thank you and you will thank yourself for having the courage to ask for help.

[Prettiest]

Thank u guys for your support. My husband refused to support me. He abuses drugs and stay out late drinking. I'm so worried. He make things hard for me. Should I leave him for the sake of me and my unborn baby? Or take a break and go to my friend s house till I enter 2nd trimester? Help!!!

[Hidden in reply to Prettiest]

That all sounds so stressful. Perhaps you are both feeling the pressure and dealing with it in different ways. Maybe making decisions right now about your entire relationship is too hard. If you can, go to your friends for a break and get some rest from all this, then see how you feel? Big hugs lovely xx

[Kempton]

It's unlikely fighting will cause you to miscarry but try not to do it now. Your hormones are probably all over the place making you more up and down. I had a huge row with my partner the other day and I'm about 12 weeks. I know it's not good for me so I just had to step away and cry it out by myself. I felt so ridiculous after.

I'm not saying your emotions are not valid. They are. But I think hormones make it all seem a lot worse.

Try and chill now. Remember what important to you. All the best.

[Prettiest]

Thank u all for your responses. This is my second pregnancy, I lost my first pregnancy at 11weeks. Oh my god I'm so weak.

[pinkie93 in reply to Prettiest]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Why do you say you're weak?

[Prettiest]

I'm emotionally weak. I handled his conditions well before. But now I couldn't even take care of my self. I cry a lot feel angry/irritated easily, I think this is because of hormones.

[laurafig]

It sounds like you’re going through a tough time, but you are not to blame for this. Perhaps you should look in to some help and advice from a professional as one of the others suggested in order to help you work out the best solution for you and your baby.

[copperkettle4]

We had some major rows during that period of pregnancy as we had a lot going on and my hormones were all over the place making me even less rational than usual(!) and my partner hadn't quite got his head round baby being real yet (now that baby can hear us, we work things out more calmly!) - I worried a lot about this too at the time but I'm 26 weeks now and baby is doing great. Calm breathing and meditation got me through but for me all those hormones did mean I did found it a particularly difficult time to control my emotions - everything can seem so much more dramatic and if you're not getting on with your partner over something it can seem even more shit because of this new major commitment in your lives. I have found focussing on the here and now moment instead of thinking constantly about the future as is tempting in pregnancy to be very helpful.

[Mumof3xx]

Hi I am sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. Can I just ask by fighting do you mean arguing or do you mean you actually got in to a physical fight with him? I had alot of stress with my mentally and physically abusive ex while pregnant and it was rough on me but the baby was fine. If he is abusing drugs and drinking all the time and won't change and it's causing you stress I think you have to decide if this is a situation you want to stay in with a child. I have read all this thread and I really feel for you. Your not weak you have just got to find the strength inside yourself and do what is best for you and your baby.

Sending you a massive hug as I feel you really need one 😊😊 xx

[Prettiest in reply to Mumof3xx]

Than k you for taking your time to write a helpful comment. We are not fighting physically but he is emotional abuser. It really hurts especially in my condition. Whish me luck, tomorrow I will have a scan.

[Mumof3xx in reply to Prettiest]

I hope all went well with the scan. I think you need to evaluate the situation and think of your unborn child and the affects that your mentally abusive relationship will have on them.. I am only saying this because I've been there apart from my ex was physically abusive I took my 2 kids and started again from scratch and yes it was hard but it was the best decision for both me and my children. I was single for 4 year but now have an amazing partner and we have a little boy together. Please stay strong and put yourself and your child first xx

[Comicbookmum]

How are you doing Prettiest? Did you manage to get some help?