Hey guys - bit of a sensitive subject, but I am having a baby and a bit unsure how to organise finances with my partner.
We live in my house which I have put all my savings and blood sweat and tears into for over a decade. And he contributes in the form of well below market rate rent at the moment - we have lived here for 2 years approx. He doesn't contibute to house maintenance and I don't profit from the arrangement.
But concerned how to make the transition as during the pregnancy and maternity months I won't have an income.
We will get married eventually - but I want the house to remain mine otherwise I am extremely vulnerable and have no pension etc.
I love my partner but he is very careful with his funds to say the least.....
Any tips or advice?? Or any professionals that anyone would recommend talking to?
I have never lived on my own and always have had a partner living with me since I was a teenager. Thirty years and two children later lovely, I have learned the hard way to settle for nothing less than him paying half of everything! Some men will get away with this if you let them from my experience, but my current husband of ten years is very generous. PLEASE keep your home as yours you definitely need security, and don’t settle for anything less than him paying his way. X
Yes you have to look after yourself and your babies my love. I know right now you may feel hopelessly in love, but breakups do happen and you need to secure your future. Do what we did,.....when I was skint he paid, and vice versa it’s give and take. Good luck x
Yes agree - hopefully we won't and we don't have any other problems in our relationship - just the transition to having a child is a bit of a challenge.
Will just have to be vocal about what I can and cannot afford 😁 He lives up to the tight Yorkshire man stereotype! 🤣
Haha we are actually in Yorkshire at the moment - that is why it came to mind! Hopefully the stereotype is not a true representation of Yorkshire men! 🤣
Ive lived in my house for 19years now. As soon as my wife moved in with me we jointly shared running costs and money became joint too. She's well aware that her previous rented flat was roughly the same as my mortgage now , so she never queried what money she was spending on the house. I have 4 children to my previous marriage so i have always needed to safeguard me and the kids if we were to split so I would never add her name to the mortgage. All I did was add her to my will. Which was something along the lines of , the longer we are together the bigger percentage she will get from the house if i die. Ie- if i died in 10years she would get 10k , if i died in 20years she'd get 20k. Etc etc. She's happy with that x
The thing we won't be in this property forever so potentially in a few years we could invest together - but I want to option to put some of the proceeds of this house into a pension or fund for our child, and really just in case I need security later as have not had a chance to pay into a pension being in creative roles for the last 15 years.
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Hope your pregnancy is going well! Counting down to 12 week scan? Xxx
That makes it more tricky then if you may be moving at some point. Its really hard, and no matter how much you love each other you just never know whats round the corner , so you always need a backup plan. When you get your new house could you have some kind of legal document drawn up, stating that you have £? Amount of your own money that you've put into the house. Its a tough one. I can see why couples have prenuptials done.
Yes im looking forward to my scan, whenever it may be, dont have a date yet. Xxxx
Yes I think if/when we move the percentages will have to be drawn up fairly depending on the investments made.
I know it sounds cold - but if we stay together forever then the documents will never be needed, but just want to plan for unforeseen events.
Thanks for being so open and helping with advice.
Xxx
When I had my first we lived off one wage how the hell we did I can’t even remember I got made redundant whilst pregnant and got a few grand and my maternity in a lump sum so we used some of that and after a year I got a full time job covering my sisters maternity which was hard full time with a 1 year old. I didn’t really spend much while on maternity I budgeted well.
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Thanks - yes I got made redundant too so sounds a bit similar.
Your situation is very similar to mine; I think the decision we have made is that he will start to contribute to the mortgage when I go on maternity leave. Before this I will get a document drawn up by a Solicitor to state that anything before that date is what I am solely entitled to, and anything thereafter he has contributed. I am not sure what this document will look like or how it will read just yet but thats the plan. It seems so harsh to think like this, but i 100% understand when you've worked so so hard to achieve what you have, it's just not worth the risk. I hope this helps a little xx
Yes it is hard - we trust each other and obviously committed as we are having a baby. Just cannot imagine leaving myself vulnerable.
Thanks for replying. Xxx
It’s good to be sensible and pragmatic about finances especially if you’re not married.
Re your property- if your partner is living with you, they need to sign a document for your mortgage company to relinquish any claim they have on the property in the unfortunate event of your death (I’m not a solicitor but it is something along those lines). I would also suggest going to see a solicitor about writing a will. If you get married in the future and buy a property together then the transfer of that property in the event of one of your death depends on the way the deed is written.
Sounds like an open, non-judgemental discussion with your partner about your wishes for the future and current finances would be helpful and only you know how they will respond to that.
I quit my job last year, we’re married but don’t have a joint account and we live in a flat that I bought. I pay the mortgage from my account but since I stopped working, my husband sends me a direct debit to cover the mortgage and bills etc. I also have two credit cards that he pays for that I use for day to day stuff. When we weren’t married, I paid the mortgage and bills but he would pay for groceries and holidays etc
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Thanks Zoe. It is interesting to hear your experience.
We will get married in the next couple of years. So it is good to have these discussions.
I just want things to be clear and fair.
I will look into making a will and maybe drawing up some kind of agreement.
Me and my partner lived together for 5 years before we had our baby. We used to split all bills 50/50 but now we have our baby we are both paid into a joint account that we use for everything. Also I worked out what I'd be paid while I was on maternity and made sure I knew how much we had to spend of that per month so when my pay reduced we would still manage.
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