My worst nightmare.

[Elleb2017]

I don't know what to do. I went to the hospital yesterday and was told that my baby had stopped growing and was having a miscarriage.

I don't know what to do with myself...

I have to return to the hospital over the weekend to take medication to encourage the miscarriage to happen faster. I don't what I did! The baby was so wanted and we were all so happy and then nothing...

I don't know what will happen now? How long it will take me to get pregnant again? Will my next pregnancy be ok ? Will I ever hold my baby in my arms?

I just don't know what to think, do, feel right now. Any support would be happily received right now xxx

[McrLass]

My heart goes out to you xx The same happened to me a few months ago and I felt exactly the same. All I can say is that you will be ok in time - those up and down feelings, then feeling numb, then feeling ok for a bit, that's just shock and that might last a while.

You will get through this, you will be ok. The medical bit might be hard, prepare yourself for it, but hopefully afterwards you'll feel a bit relieved like I did and it will help you to accept what's happened. My partner has been (and continues to be) amazing. Let yours help if he's able to support you, lean on him for a while as you come to terms with it.

I won't lie to you I'm still struggling with feelings of guilt, but for all my research I haven't found anything to indicate that I did anything which might have caused this, and I'll bet you didn't either. 'Just Mother Nature' is very very hard to accept and it will take a while to get there.

Be kind to yourself, especially in these next few days. I wish you all the love and support in the world for this weekend and for the coming weeks. If it helps at all - I comforted myself that I survived the day of the bad news, and no day since (even in hospital) has been as bad as that. It really will get better and you really will be ok xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to McrLass]

Thank you so much for this. I have just 're read it. I cannot thank you enough for your honestly. The procedure was hard and still coming to terms with it now and honestly don't think I ever will.

The hardest thing I am finding at the moment is that I am still getting positive pregnancy tests which they said can happen for up to 4 weeks after.

My baby was cremated and taken to the cemetary this week so went to visit where the babies ashes were scattered and it was beautiful.

Thank you again xxxx

[Major2116]

Aww hun! I know how you feel. We were happily wondering round Mothercare thinking we were 11 weeks pregnant and getting excited for our future with our baby until a few days later I started bleeding, got taken to hospital and we were told our baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. I opted to have a natural miscarriage but after 5 days in agony I was taken back to hospital to be told our baby was stuck in my cervix. The doctor was able to take our baby from my cervix and said the rest of the tissue will come away. 2 days later I called 111 and they were going to send for an ambulance as I was still in agony and was told I may have an infection. I declined the ambulance and my fiancé took me to hospital. A few days later a doctor recommended a D&C so I agreed. All of this was in December 2016. I was completely lost and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I had counselling and agreed to take medication.

We decided to try again and in April, we discovered we were pregnant again! A few days later the happiness ended as I started bleeding and I just knew we lost our baby. The bleeding lasted 3 days with 1 day of pain.

Me and my fiancé then booked a holiday in May for 2 months time in July and decided when we got back we would try again. A week after returning to England, we found out we were pregnant and conceived at the end of June! 2 months after losing our second baby! I'm writing this whilst cradling our miracle 7 week old rainbow boy!

Sorry for the essay! I wanted to share my experience that you're not alone! I bought a remembrance candle and had a necklace made to represent our babies (I can give you her link if you want, she's amazing)! It will happen for you babe, don't lose Hope! If you need to talk, I'm always a message away! Xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to Major2116]

Thank you for your reply. The happiness you feel when you find out you are pregnant is the best feeling in the world!

I feel very empty at the moment and have a lot of questions but, I know i probably won't get answers for them. So can I ask how you kept going after 2 miscarriages? I feel crushed from having 1. I am so happy to hear you had your little boy and this gives me so much hope. 🧡

I bought a candle as well and put the only scan I had in a frame. I am thinking about getting a necklace. I just hope things get better from here don't think any nothing could make me feel as though I have hit rock bottom like this.

Thank you xx

[Hidden]

Hi sorry to hear your miscarrying I have been through the same 12 weeks stopped growing at 6/7 natural miscarriage. Nothing you did or can do unfortunately 😢

It is a sad time and hard to deal with, find support with friends and family.

It’s been 6 months since we lost our baby and have been trying since January hopefully it will happen again soon.

[jowalk6]

My heart is with you hun. In march 2012 my little girl was born asleep at 39 weeks. I suffered depression after and a lot of guilt. They told me it was nothing I did wrong. It will get easier hun in time. I now have a gorgeous 4 year old rainbow boy. You will get your rainbow baby. Just give yourself time to heal a little emotionally. If you need to talk hunjust message me. Take care x

[Elleb2017]

Thank you all so much for your replys they have really helped. I'm taking some time off work to rest as I would be surrounded by babies at work.

I'm taking one day at a time and I think the medical procedure process is what I am struggling with at the moment.

I am fine one moment and then break down the next and just think I need to learn how to control it. But it has only been 2 days.

Thank you all again and congratulations on your rainbow babies. They give me hope that my little one will be in my arms one day.

Xx

[Major2116 in reply to Elleb2017]

Don't go back until you definitely feel ready hun. I had over a month off because I just couldn't face people. Luckily I work with an amazing bunch of people who supported me n if I needed time out my boss was understanding.

You'll be up and down for a while. You need to grieve hun.

I found the D&C helped a lot, although mentally it was hard, once I'd had it, I focused on grieving for our baby.

You'll be an amazing mum to a baby on earth one day, in the mean time I'm sure you Angel in the sky is proud to call you their mum ❤ xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to Major2116]

Thank you so much xxxx

[Imo93]

Im so very sorry to hear,i do hope you are with someone at this time and not on your own, I'm having my 12 week scan on Friday and I'm dreading it, I have a fear my worst nightmare will come true, did you have any signs of a misscarridge previous to your scan?

[Elleb2017 in reply to Imo93]

I am with my husband and he is being brilliant.

I didn't have any signs no pain just a little bit of bleeding that got heavier. Please don't worry yourself. I will never get over the loss of our baby but, we feel like we can move on a bit now. My baby wasn't well and it's heart stopped beating but, they does not mean your baby will be beautiful and healthy.

Good luck with your pregnancy and hope baby is all well on your 12 weeks xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to Imo93]

Hello how did the 12 week scan go? Hope all is ok xxxx

[Imo93 in reply to Elleb2017]

It went really well thanks! Everything looked good so far, my anxiety has reduced a lot since, I hope it carry on being okay xxx

[claire16c]

Have you been offered a d&c?

Not all women want to go through passing the baby after taking tablets, I am surprised they haven’t suggested surgical option? X

[Elleb2017 in reply to claire16c]

Yes I was but, it was my decision to take the medical choice. I wanted to pass through the baby. I want to feel the passing of my baby as I believe it will help me accept my baby has gone and grieve x

[claire16c in reply to Elleb2017]

Ah I’m glad they offered you the choice. Make sure they give you proper painkillers. I’m sure they explained if it doesn’t all pass through then they will need to do the d&c anyway, so if this happens don’t worry it’s a short procedure and you’re out the same day xx

[Georgina_D]

You didn't do anything wrong. Just remember, there are millions of sperm cells and thousands of eggs, some of them are bound to be dodgy and when this happens your body recognises it cannot produce a healthy foetus so terminates the pregnancy.

Nobody can say how soon you will conceive again as everyone is different. They do say you are VERY fertile for 6 months after birth/miscarriage/abortion.

Please focus on recovering physically and mentally before trying again xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to Georgina_D]

Thank you will make sure im ready xxx

[McrLass]

Hiya - hope you got on ok at the weekend, was thinking about you xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to McrLass]

Aww thank you. I gave birth to baby on Saturday at 1pm. Was the hardest day of my life the pain was unbearable most of the time.

I wanted my husband to go home at one point because I didn't want him to see me like I was but, I did it and he told me how proud of me he was. I wanted to feel the pain and know that I did all I could to bring my baby into this world even though we both weren't ready.

Thank you so much for your support and kindness. We are taking each day at a time and will be visiting baby at the cemetary next week to place some flowers. I know I sound quite naive when I say I never thought I would visit my own baby at the cemetary.

We will pick ourselves up and add to our family again soon.

Xx

[McrLass]

So brave xx

I felt just the same, when I thought I'd let my partner down, him telling me he was proud of me was the kindest thing I ever heard in my life. I figure if you can get through this, you can get through anything. It will get easier and I wish you health and healing from here xx

[Elleb2017 in reply to McrLass]

Thank you so much xxx