my boyfriend doesn't want the baby

[Kattilcox]

hi so I just found out I'm pregnant and have a very busy busy life going on and after trying to get pregnant and then being told no I cant have kids here I am pregnant college step son with autism and full time work. my boyfriend has now decided that he doesn't want me to have this baby and think I should "terminate" and I don't want to....he has six kids of his own that I have gladly been raising and supporting with no questions and I feel like he is asking me to terminate my pregnancy so I can raise his kids and I don't think that's fair of him to ask. what do I do? does he have a say ? anybody else experience this ?

[roxannacar]

He's expressed his opinion which I think he has a right to do, but you don't have to go with what he said! At all! How do you feel about it? Do you think you could live with yourself if you went through a termination. If you want this child (which sounds the case) I would make it clear. He might come to accept it hopefully, although he might not.

Personally if i struggled to have a child for years and managed to get pregnant and it's something I want, I would go for it (with or without him). It might be your only chance.

Have a think about what you want and talk to him. But don't be bullied into an abortion! Any of your family or friends you can speak to?

[Kattilcox in reply to roxannacar]

no friends or family and that's how I feel like he is bullying me into an abortion so that I can raise his youngest son.....I'm not sure what to do..scared happy and all over the place and he wont give me the time of day to talk about it .....everytime I bring it up he changes the subject....I know that if I went through with the abortion I would resent him and probably lose some love for his kids and he wont even take the time to listen

[roxannacar in reply to Kattilcox]

Then don't go for a termination. Seems your feelings are decided about this. Sorry to say this but if he's not willing to support you in this decision maybe he's not the man for you. Maybe make it clear how you feel, that a termination is a no go for you. Give him some time to come to terms with it and see what happens? I think being clear/honest about your intentions and wishes is the most important thing. If he's not wanting to talk about it maybe you should just say what you want to say. Just because he's not acknowledging hearing you doesn't mean he hasn't!

[Kattilcox in reply to roxannacar]

I love when you reply you always give me the blunt answer I need to hear

[roxannacar in reply to Kattilcox]

Sorry pussy footing is definitely not my thing. It's seems to be your mind is made up about this baby. He just needs to know that too. He can not deny you being a mother. As I said he has a right to voice and opinion but you have ever right to ignore it!

[Munyze in reply to Kattilcox]

Hello! I think you are a very brave and strong woman and although you don't have family or friends around you, you have this community, if you want to keep your baby just have an really open chat with your boyfriend, tell him that you love him and his kids and you know that this baby is the expression of that love, you want to keep him (or her) and you hope that he understands your decision... if he keeps on bullying you and you think you can't cope reach for a gp or midwife and share with them your thing, until then you have us to lean on

[Kattilcox in reply to Munyze]

Thanks ladies

[Aimish77]

You've totally got this if it's what you want. I was in a similar situation and my decision was that someone who could ask me to do that with no accounting for my feelings wasn't someone I wanted to be with anyway. I'm now 33 weeks and on my own and the happiest I've ever been. If you want it, you are completely capabe, I've every faith in you. Tough decision for you to make. Good luck x

[ChrisWest1983]

Agree with ladies above- if it was me then only My opinion would matter because it's my body and I will be the one looking after baby. If he did not wanted anymore kids- he could have had a vasectomy, or use condom, because it's irresponsible to ask woman to "deal" with not "convient" outcome.

Good luck dear lady! Be brave and do what you feel is right, because it would be harder to live with choice what feels wrong...x

[Fun0825]

Pleasure DO NOT TERMINATE. What's his would always be his and what's yours would always be yours. If you were told you can never have kids, don't u think God just decided to have mercy on you, and how do u think u should pay him back; by terminating? He's Got 6 so expect him to say that but u have just one who needs u all d time- u are carrying an helper right in ur belly. Be wise and stand ur ground. In as much as he has a say, hes gonna be selfish about whatever he says. God bless u and good day.

[MilkMan]

He sounds like a selfish man

[Littlebean1992]

When I found out I was pregnant, my partner's response was "when are you gonna get rid of it" after a sleepless night of thinking I told him I'm keeping it. He can be part of the babys life or not. If he didn't want to be involved I would expect nothing from him. My partner made the decision after a couple of days to be there and now he loves this baby more than he could ever imagine. On the other hand I was very prepared to do it on my own. If your prepared to bring a baby up by yourself if worst case scenario comes to it. Then definitely keep it. Boyfriend will either accept it or not.

[Hidden]

I have to agree with the others. It is not like you have entered into this lightly and accidentally find yourself pregnant. You have been trying and have made it clear to him that you want your own child. It is not fair of him at all to ask you to have an abortion. If you have been told that you can't have children and yet you find this miracle has happened there is no way he should even think about asking you to abort. What a selfish excuse for a human he is. He is not thinking about you or the unborn child at all.

You have all of us to support you. If in the end he can't accept that then he can go off and being up his other 6 children and leave you to it. Xx

[Emma_79]

I’m in a similar situation, my boyfriend has 3 children and was not happy about the pregnancy. I am 39 and it’s my first child, I decided to keep her, and we split up. I realised he’s not the kind of man I need! I’m now 18+4 and very happy. He’s been back once promising to be a father and partner but couldn’t do it, which I’ve decided is fine. I made the decision and I’m so happy I’m becoming a mum.

I have little support, no real family but a few good friends. I’ve joined yoga, nct next year and anything I can find to connect with other mums.

Do what your heart tells you, you can do this! Women are strong, you’ll be fine