Im scared to talk to my dad

[katie99]

How are you meant to tell your parents you think your pregnant even though you used a comdom and your on the pill im so scared and I have no clue on what to do someone help me please

[Hopeful15]

Hi Katie, first things first - you need to find out if you are actually pregnant. Do you have a friend you can trust? Or even better is the boy a good friend?? There are plenty of professionals who can help you too. Your GP? A nurse? nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexandyoung...

There will also be local facilities available to assist you too. See your GP and get properly checked out and please don't panic. Let us know how you get on so we can continue to support you.

[cielo34]

Hi, I second what Hopeful says... Find out if you are pregnant first, as at the moment there's nothing you need to tell your parents. If you're old enough to go on the pill, I'm guessing you're old enough to speak with the family planning services or your GP independently of your parents. Or if it was more than 2 weeks since you had sex, you could buy a pregnancy test... Normally I'd say 2 weeks after your period was due but if you're on the pill that's not relevant. All the best. There's a whole community here to support you.

[Phoenix85]

Yes, definitely don't do anything/worry until you have confirmed you are pregnant. Take a test, if it's neg, try again in a week. If you are very overdue/late you can go to your GP and they should hopefully do a blood test to check for HcG (maybe once other things have been ruled out).

If you are on the pill, that sometimes stops periods, more the mini pill than combined pill I think. But that could be responsible for absent periods, rather than pregnancy.

If you are pregnant, there is support available. Most areas have support groups for young parents (usually under 21 or sometimes 23/24 depending on the area).

If you are pregnant, first find support, ask your GP or citizens advice bureau at your local family planning clinic.

You could also tell a close friend or your partner.

Make sure you have good support and know what you want before you tell your parents. It will make it easier.

[amazed]

I had to tell my parents I was pregnant when I was 18. I told my Mum first who then told my Dad, I don't know if this would be an option for you?My dad was 'very disappointed' and actually made me feel quite ashamed throughout my pregnancy.. telling me to have an abortion, and later that I should get the child adopted. Somehow, with the blind righteousness of youth I knew how much I wanted the baby and when my Dad said to me at 8 months pregnant- 'you should give this baby up for adoption', I turned to him and said 'This baby is your grandson and you would be ashamed of yourself if he ever found out what you've just said so stop it because this baby is staying!'... 15 years on and my Dad loves his eldest Grandchild and he has loved him since the beginning. His pride meant he did his best to keep some distance in the first year of K's life but that was always his problem and a decision that he has to live with. The friendly advice above is right, you must make your decision- if you are pregnant- about what you want to do, it is your life that will be changed forever if you choose not to have an abortion. Get outside support if you think your parents can't offer it to you and remember it has to be your choice as you must live with the consequences. Good luck xx

[katie99]

Thanks for the help I found out im 3-4 months pregnant and me and the father spoke and we are getting an open adoption so the baby can have a better life but he/she will still know who there parents are

[ShelleyHarris1981 in reply to katie99]

Katie, you should be very proud of yourself for making this decision. As a Mom to two children I can only imagine how hard this decision must have been for you to make. I wish you all the very best for the remainder of your pregnancy, and I think it is worth remembering because of your decision someone out there will get the little baby they so desperately long for, so a decision made out of some sadness I imagine will make someone the happiest they have ever been.

[katie99 in reply to ShelleyHarris1981]

Thank you the only thing I can think is its going to be really hard tohand over my baby to someone else but I know its for the best being 16 I wont be able to care for the child so the adoption was the only way I knew would get the proper care for the child and the parents that im giving my child to offered and open adoption to me and the father to see the child anytime and just to ask if I have any concerns can I ask you for advise its still awkward to talk to my dad at the moment

[ShelleyHarris1981 in reply to katie99]

I think what you are doing is very mature Katie. You can ask any questions you need too.

[Hopeful15]

Well done for taking control of the situation and making a decision that is right for you and the baby. Hold on to that. There are no right or wrong decisions in all of this. You've done nothing wrong. Be sure in your heart and remember that always. I'm very proud of you. I'm sure others will be too and don't forget there are a load of clucky mother hens on here who will only be too happy to help if you need us for the rest of your journey. Good luck and hold your head high.

[katie99 in reply to Hopeful15]

Thank you so much for all your advise and hopefully later in life I can have another child that I can raise. You all have storied of being scared and worried but im more scared that my dad will never talk to me like we used to I just hope things go back to as normal but at the same time different because of having the baby. Im hoping my dad is as proud of my decision as all of you are

[Hopeful15 in reply to katie99]

He will be. He may not show it. Dad's are strange beings. Your relationship was bound to change at some point - trust me - would have been because of this or that. But he'll still love you, even if he has a strange way of showing it. Time to grow up petal. It's tough but you'll manage and blossom into an independent woman who doesn't need Daddy's permission soon enough. Good luck xxxx

[katie99]

Thank you all so much

[Hopeful15 in reply to katie99]

Just thinking, if you've not told him yet, you could always write him a letter. Or if he's being stubborn and not talking to you. It's a great opportunity for you to sort your feelings and head out in your own time and if you leave it for him to read (put on envelope that you recommend he read it with a cup of tea when he's calm), let him know you love him, how scared you are and maybe even set a date and time in a safe place for both of you to talk about what you've written (your favourite park or cafe or in the garden - somewhere it's just peaceful for the two of you) you've at least had an opportunity to share with him and given him space for an initial reaction you don't need to be party to. Even if he already knows, this is a way for you to clear your chest and know you've left the door open for him. You can't make him behave in a certain way, but you can control how you deal with him. It's going to take a lot of self belief but if you dig deep you'll find it. Don't be scared. I doubt he wants you to think he's scary. Just remember, we're all human, the way you feel about parenting is exactly the same petrified feeling for everyone, whether they are 16 or nearly 40 like me and definitely the same as your dad felt when he held you for the first time. And you may be surprised but what he understands and what he's been through that you have no clue about because he's protected you from it. Don't be scared. Of anyone. Hold your head up high. I promise you that you are strong and will survive this and will be even more amazing for it.