After waiting a whole ten days past her due date, little madam finally put her dramatic appearance in on the morning of 9th March. I had a show and mild contractions on saturday afternoon and by around 11pm decided to go in as they were getting really fierce. One examination later I get told, go home, you're only 1cm!
By around 4.30 I was in agony. Painkillers didn't do anything and the hot bath didn't cut it either so back to the hospital we went. Examination two - 2cm dilated....................then my waters went, so I was given a shot of pethidine. Back in a warm bath and after about 20mins I'm re-examined due to the severity of pain - 5cm! Finally we were getting somewhere!
At this point the midwife tells me baby isn't liking this very much and they wanted to put a clip on her head to keep an eye on her. Here's where things started to go downhill for the VBAC I so desperately wanted. In the ten minutes it to to get a clip to attach to her head I went from 5cm to 8cm! Little Madam had decided that's it, time to come out!
I got taken into theater in case a forceps delivery was needed and at this point things become a bit of a blur. I've been told I was just over 9cm when the surgeon told me push as she needed to be born NOW. After a few pushes the midwives and surgeon realised I didn't have the strength for it as the labour had taken so much out of me. A quick check on baby and next thing I know, I'm waking up in the recovery room from a general anesthetic!
The decision had been made to do an emergency section as I'd suffered partial placental abruption and there simply hadn't been the time to even do a forceps delivery. The upside to this? My daughter was alive and healthy, weighing in at 7lb 7oz with a full head of hair and dark grey eyes
Having been through this experience has made me realise it doesn't matter if you ultimately don't get the birth you want, what matters is that you get the healthy, live baby you want. I know from talking to the surgeon afterwards it could have been a totally different outcome if I'd not been in the hospital or had demanded the water birth VBAC I wanted.
I spent two years after the section with my son beating myself up over it, i now know I didn't have to as there was nothing else I could have done to change it. So, apart from gaining another beautiful daughter I've also gained some insight - life is too short to beat yourself up over things you cannot change. Move on and enjoy the now.