Trying to stop depression setting in.

[cerysu]

I am 22 wks pregs and have been feeling low for a few weeks now. Having had postnatal depression im worried about it coming back.

I am feeling rather lonely and very unappreciated - my husband and two children are treating me like a slave and doesn't seem to register that im pregnant. I ask for help with tasks and tell them when I need to rest and im exhausted but they don't listen or help. They aren't loving towards me and it's very upsetting - the only affection I get is from my 4year old. I try to keep happy and positive but im struggling.

[Hidden]

Hiya. Have you tried speaking to your husband and telling him about how you feel and how you need the extra help. I know they shouldn't really need to be told to support you more but sometimes they just need that kick up the backside!! Try to make sure you talk to any family and friends about how you feel as well to offload... and coming on here for a rant is always a good option too maybe speak to your midwife or gp for extra support x

[cerysu]

Thank you Fattyboom, I have spoken to him and he's backed off even more. All I want is the odd hug and maybe help with the drying up or something like that, I never ask for much as he has a tiring job but when you still have to pick up after them down to picking up dirty washing from the bathroom which is next to the basket makes me sad, theres no respect there. Being a stay at home mum with no access to the car in the day and such a low weekly budget means I'm stuck at home 5days out of 7 and don't see anyone...makes you lonely.

[Hidden in reply to cerysu]

Yes definitely. My boyfriend has a very physical job but I made it clear to him from the start that as much as I like looking after him and making lunches for him, etc, I will not become a little slave for anyone. He still has to help with the baby in the evening and weekend and he offered to take the baby for a night a week...would do more if I asked. Its not easy being at home all the time and maybe if you go on strike and don't wash his stuff or make dinner for a few days, he'll appreciate just how much you do! I moved to a new area in the summer and don't drive so other than baby group once a week I'm pretty much on my own too and it really is boring!

Also, you may not feel like it, but have you initiated any affection towards him....holding his hand or cuddling him randomly. There may be another reason he's holding back a bit. Me and my boyfriend have done this a few times where the one thinks the other one isn't interested and vice versa and we avoided each other for no good reason in the end lol x

[cerysu in reply to Hidden]

I know what you mean - we don't even have baby group now as my Son goes to preschool, so it's very lonely and boring.

I have tried many times to get close to the OH but he doesn't return it, I don't want to give up on it but it's so upsetting when you try and get rejected. He pulls his hand away and the only way i can hug him is when he has his back to me so can't see but then he always responds with "I'm busy".

I've tried the whole leaving housework thing as well and all that happens is the house ends up like a tip and then my 10 year daughter starts doing things which shouldn't happen so I just get on with it. As for making dinner - if I don't do it he will make himself dinner and leave us to it.

He's just seems to be getting more and more selfish.

[Hidden in reply to cerysu]

That's a really rubbish situation hun and he really needs to sort himself out as you need more help and more offered from him in your relationship. Try your best to stay positive and make time to do things you enjoy to relax and chill a bit. Do what you can in the house but don't run yourself ragged. I think I'd tell him to sort himself out or get out if I were you....however, I know that we are all different and our relationships and experiences are different so you need to do what's right for you. In the meantime, we are all here on this forum for you so you're never alone x

[cerysu in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much! It certainly is time for him to shape up or ship out! As I do everything myself anyway I know I could cope on my own. I think I just need to learn that not everything needs to be done in one day and take time out. Thanks so much for listening.xx

[Hidden in reply to cerysu]

No problem...anytime x

[BabieV]

Speak to your midwife and tell her how your feeling? Ante-natal depression is just as common as postnatal depression it's just not as recognised. I hope things get easier for you as you really need your rest xx

[cerysu in reply to BabieV]

Thanks BabieV I have told the midwife that I'm prone to it but trying to get an appointment to see her is hopeless, I'm not seeing her until Jan now...and the Doctors are just as bad.

I'm hoping this is just a rough patch and I can get myself out of it.x

[Hidden]

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. From my experience of depression, it's like balancing on the edge of a cliff, then suddenly, you've fallen. It's nothing to be ashamed about, talked down or denied and the sooner a person can seek help, the more beneficial.

Waiting for midwife/doctors appointments seems to drag on! Do you have a phone number for your midwife team, that you could leave a message on - I don't know if each region is the same, but we have a 'non urgent/general enquiries' telephone line, where you can leave a voice mail and a member of the team will phone you back? Also, check to see if you can take something like a herbal remedy, such as St Johns Wort (I'm really not sure if it can be taken whilst pregnant or not)

You mentioned your daughter is 10 years old - could she perhaps help you do some of the housework, for example helping to sort the washing, etc? Perhaps explain to her, if you can, that your body is changing and you need a little more help. As for your other half, I'm unsure what to suggest. How was he when you had post-natal depression? Have you said you're starting to feel similar?

Again, from my experience of depression, getting out and about is beneficial (even if you feel like utter crap and exhausted), even if it's once a week. Start with a walk. Then, perhaps meet a friend for a coffee, or get your hair/nails done. Also, make sure you take a bit of time out of the day just for you (e.g reading, having a bath, watching rubbish t.v). This of course is waaaayyyy easier said than done! Small steps first

I hope this is helpful in some way, I'm sorry if it's a bit garbled!

pandasfoundation.org.uk/hel...

Check the above link out, it has a help line and information regarding ante-natal depression.

X

[Catvicky]

Hi. Although I'm pregnant with my first child at the moment, I do understand what you mean about being stuck at home.

I lost my job in March this year, and although I was thrilled when we got pregnant, I find it very hard being home all the time. My husband works long hours, and we live in the back of beyond. I found I could go for several days without seeing anyone, and only seeing my husband for a few hours at night time. You need to try and get out the house. In the end I spoke to my friends, and they started helping by making sure that they came to visit, and were getting me out a bit more.

The reason I lost my job was due to Depression, so we already knew it was possible that I would suffer throughout the pregnancy, and I found that although my midwife and doctor team was great in keeping an eye on me, they didnt help with the Depression. I have found that it really is hard to keep going and keep positive when you have no-one around and you are stuck in the house, tired and being sick.

It may be worth trying to find people/groups in the local community that you can visit on your own? It would get you out the house at least. Or perhaps contact a mental health group for support? I found the Time to Change campaign really helped with my depression and I have made some great friends there who have helped loads through the pregnancy. I hope this helps, but if you ever want to chat, please feel free to message me.

*huge hugs*

Vicky