7 weeks pregnant after 2 recent miscarriages and feeling very scared/helpless?

[Hopeful101]

I am 7 weeks pregnant and after two miscarriages since january (one at 18 weeks one at 6 weeks) i am feeling very nervous, with my first pregnancy i had terrible morning sickness and with my second i had none at all, and now this time i have it worse than ever, last week i brought some sea bands from boots as many people have said that they work really well. they seemed to do the trick for a while but not really that well as im still being sick quite often. not only that but my hormones are driving me mad, im constantly being horrible to my boyfriend and it really upsets me but i just cant help it because for some reason everything he seems to do just really annoys me, to make things worse me and my boyfriend have decided not to tell anybody that im pregnant until im 20 weeks pregnant, it may seem abit extreme but its because i want to get past the stages that i got to before, im trying my hardest to keep positive does anybody have any ideas/tips on how i can keep positive?

[rmh2012]

Hiya Hopeful,

There is nothing scarier than being pregnant after a miscarriage (I can't begin to imagine how it feels to have had multiple miscarriages and then be pregnant again!). I personally struggled through the first half of this pregnancy after a missed miscarriage, and it's only now that the baby is moving on a regular basis that I've relaxed and started to really enjoy this pregnancy.

I also understand that you'd want to hold off until 20 weeks before telling people. However, you need to consider whether you'll be able to 'hide' it for that long. I'm certainly a 'tummy straight out there' kind of girl, and would struggle to keep it a secret for that long, but am in the luxurious position of my entire family living long distance from me.

So, here are my sanity tips:

1. Pick someone you and your husband trust to keep a secret - it really does help to have someone to talk to / lean on. Someone who can remind you that your tummy is bigger each time you see them!! In my case, it was my lovely neighbours, who couldn't help but be aware of my being pregnant!

2. Remember on a daily basis that this pregnancy has every chance at being a successful one!

3. Be very nice to yourself. Have a mini-facial. Start reading a great book. Go to the movies with your husband. Do whatever you can to keep feeling relaxed, look smashing and stay distracted.

4. Eat well, drink well, sleep well.

5. Be open with your husband about how you are feeling, and what he can do to support you. If your husband is anything like mine, telling him how you feel in rambling fashion will make you feel better, but if you're telling him what you need from him, try to keep it to clear bullet points! Because I'm this, I need you to that... (My husband, lovely man that he is, thought I needed him to 'fix' something every time I cried during my first pregnancy. Took a bullet point kind of discussion to say 'No fixing!! If I cry, I'm hormonal and I need you to give me a big hug and to tell me that we'll get through it'.)

I only ever had mild morning sickness, so probably can't advise at all there. However, on the off chance that it'll help ... I found a small handful of dried fruit and nuts at the first sign of nausea settled my stomach and gave it something else to think about. A friend swore by ginger drinks, and she suffered severe morning sickness with each of her four pregnancies!

Anyway, hope something in there helps you. Hang in there!

R x

[bluebelle05]

Hello just try and relax with this pregnancy, try and forget if you can... me and my partner lost our daughter in january this year, she was 26 week we are now pregnant again and we are a nervous wreck, im trying to forget that im pregnant and just trying to take things easy. all i can say is sorry for your loss and take things easy this time. good luck xx

[Monkeyfish]

I'm not surprised you are feeling so anxious and its completely understandable that you dont want to share your news yet. It might be worth considering how reasuring it would be to have a close friend or relative in on the secret. If (heaven forbid) things go wrong with this pregnancy you are going to need a lot of emotional support. You and your partner will, of course, support each other however you would also both be dealing with grief and bewilderment and that can be a lot to deal with. Having an outside person to talk to, off load onto and cry on can be a fabulous thing. Also, if this pregnancy goes to plan (all fingers and toes crossed for you) and you continue feeling so rubbish, being able to confide in someone else might take that strain off your relationship.

Its a scary time but one that holds so much hope and promise. Cut yourself some slack, you have been through a horrible experience and its so stressful.

Good luck and fingers crossed. xx

[Hidden]

Hi Hopeful,

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your past losses, but congratulations on the news that you are expecting again! I agree with what everyone has said above - do try to relax and take very good care of yourself. It makes sense why you would keep the pregnancy a secret until you are confident, though having one or two people to be open with and to help you through the nerve-wracking first trimester is a good idea as you deserve lots of support during this time.

As for your morning sickness, it does vary between women and often between pregnancies, but take it as a good sign that your hormone levels are rising as they should. If you need some tips on combatting the nausea there are quite a few in here: nct.org.uk/pregnancy/nausea...

I hope this helps, and I'm sending you all the best wishes for this pregnancy!

Alice x

[Georgiejane]

Hi Hopeful

I have been in exactly your position recently. I know the advice to relax is well meaning but seriously?! Lose two babies in less than 6 months and see how easy it is to relax on a third pregnancy! So, it is perfectly normal to feel scared and anxious and you need to roll with that a bit, have a cry and let it out. My history is a miscarriage in jan 12 at 9 weeks and then in apr 12 at 5 weeks. I am now 18 weeks and have totally been where you are. I would really encourage you to find some friends to talk to. Or, like I did, a mix of friends and strangers (I had counselling, specialist acupuncture and took yoga classes twice a week and shared my story with my yoga instructor). All these people supported me and gave me an outlet to share my anxiety. It is so so hard darling, I truly know. Happily, I am 18 weeks pregnant now and, although I won't relax until this baby is born, my husband and I do feel allowed to be more excited now and let ourselves believe this might happen. We were also trigger happy on the scans - I had two early scans on the nhs at 6 and 9 weeks (your gp can try and arrange these for you, especially if you tell them you are feeling very anxious but it will depend on your hospital ultimately) and then I had private scans at 8 and 11 weeks when I had mini (major) freak outs and convinced myself I had lost the baby again. All were fine and really helped us to feel more confident. I also had blood tests at 5 weeks. I spoke a lot to my friend who had lost two babies and was 6 months pregnant again too, she was a total rock. I didn't really have morning sickness - little bit with my first, none with my second and then just feeling rough with this baby, but not rough enough to keep me feeling happy. With the third pregnancy I couldn't relax at all - I obsessed over the size and feelings of my boobs, my sickness and lack of sickness and googled constantly (bad for me). But I was just "lucky" not too many symptoms and ones that come and go. Which was so hard and made me crazy. But I did also keep telling myself that to get the baby we so desperately want the scary stage was necessary, totally necessary and worth it because you can't make a baby without going though it. Oh and I was such a horrible cow to my husband - goodness only knows why he hung around, but he did because he is amazing and kind. Maybe just let him know you know you are being awful, tell him you are stressed and apologise. Chances are he knows you are only acting out because you are feeling stressed. It I hard, you carry the baby around with you every day and all the worry comes with that. Good luck lovely, try and fund some outlets to help you make it to your 20 week mark. But there is really nothing wrong with sharing the news earlier, you need the support of your friends and family when things go wrong, and I would have gone (more) crazy without the support if some carefully selected friends. Big love x

[Hopeful101]

thank you so much for youre support and advice everyone it feels so good to unload to people, im only 17 and its all overwhelming me at the minute, i do feel better as each day goes on knowing that im getting closer to getting past 18 weeks, im only 8 weeks at the moment and my GP is totally useless ive asked to be reffered to the gyenocologist that i seen after my first misscarriage as he said that if i get pregnant again to contact him for regular appointments and checks, but so far my GP is really starting to annoy me to be honest he doesnt seem to be doing anything about it, i see my midwife for my booking appointment next week so i will have to explain to her how im feeling and hopefully she can lead me in the right direction, thanks again x

[Thirdtimelucky]

I'm pretty much in the same boat, had two misscaradges in the space of five months, now pregnant at six weeks, have only told one close friend and my sister, haven't even dared tell hubby that my sister knows, yes I to keep feeling my breasts to make sure they still hurt. Have you thought about having a short break away somewhere where you can be openly preggers to complete strangers, also if you could go to a swimming pool in the next town, just floating around seems to bring my stress levels down a whole heap. Keeping everything crossed for you hope you find this helpful