Depression in very late pregnancy

[Katrina13]

I am 39+5 pregnant, and should be feeling totally over the moon with excitement. It took us 3 long years, 3 lots of surgery, countless tests and procedures and 2 rounds of IVF to conceive. I would've done anything just to have a child. Throughout the pregnancy I have felt hugely bonded to my baby and overjoyed at being pregnant, albeit with the normal anxiety about everything being ok. We have done NCT classes, written our birth plan and felt as prepared as can be for any eventuality.

However the last few days I have headed into a downward spiral of depression. I cannot stop crying, I feel totally disconnected from my baby and just want everything & everyone to go away. Initially I thought it was fear of birth as I am being induced on Wednesday, but after spending a few days feeling really confused about why I felt so bad I have realised that it is more than that and I am feeling really alienated and low about pretty much everything.

People keep calling and texting for news, and saying how exciting it all is, but I don't feel excited. I just feel like I want to jump in the car and run away from it all (obviously not possible). I am fed up of people (even strangers) asking me how long I have to go and feel like I am no longer a person, just a pregnancy.

I don't want to feel like this and I know hormones are playing a part, but I am really struggling a lot. I feel like prenatal depression has jumped up and got me at the last minute.

Anyone else ever felt like this?

[Hidden]

Hey Katrina13, you poor thing, it sounds like you're really going through the mill.

It sounds to me that there has been such a build up to having a baby and now your almost there - it can be incredibly overwhelming.

Whilst I didn't go through anywhere near as much as you to get my little boy it did take 18 months of ttc and a missed miscarriage. So when I got to the end of my pregnancy it had felt like forever and that we would suddenly have our baby and they'd hand it over - what on earth were we going to do with a baby?!!!

I also got so fed up with people asking if the baby had arrived??!! Yes actually I had the baby last week and decided not to tell anyone - seriously!!!! People drove me insane. I couldn't go anywhere without people staring at me as if I shouldn't be out of the house.

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal and I'm pretty sure it'll pass soon enough - having said that you mustn't be afraid to tell people how you feel, that's what your midwife is there for.

If there was one thing I totally under estimated it was just how emotional I felt about everything before and after my son arrived - nothing can prepare you for the impact these little bubbas can have.

Take care and let people know how you're feeling do they can support you 😍 xx

[Hidden]

I agree with Dublin77, seek support and you're not alone. In my second pregnancy I had awful depression, we moved house to a new area, so I had to make new friends. Be prepared to cry all day after baby is born, especially when your milk comes in on day 3, hormones are awful. Also when you decide to give up breastfeeding, hormones will make you nuts then too, I nearly walked out on my family, leaving my husband with my two young children! Fortunately I have some amazingly supportive friends who I was able to turn to and they helped me out, that time has passed and life is good once more. Talk to people, they can't read your mind, tell them how you're feeling, find someone who can just give you a hug and make you smile. Big virtual hug, some days are better than others, live in the moment, don't try to think about the future, just take one hour, one day at a time, especially with a new baby.

[VRT102]

Poor thing I got fed up towards the end but never felt like you do.

Definitely use the support available to you, your mental and emotional wellbeing is just as important as your physical health so you musn't ignore it.

However, I'm sure that when your baby is born the bond will be there instantly. But if it's not, don't worry, there's plenty of support there for you. It's brilliant that you've felt such a bond throughout your pregnancy and I'm sure it's still there. I always try to remember one thing that my mum told me which was the best advice I ever received: this, too, shall pass! Granted, I've used it more since the baby's been born, but it really helps to think that any rough patch is only temporary and it's all completely worth it for that precious bundle.

By Wednesday I assume you mean tomorrow, so hoping you get the birth you want, wishing you luck and sending you hugs. You've gone through so much to get to this day, and you're nearly there. Good luck xx

[annajane77]

Ah bless, what you're feeling is totally normal. After 6 years of trying and many IVF failures I conceived naturally but still felt much the same as you towards the end. People mean well but can be so overwhelming it puts pressure on you to feel a certain way. I also think because you want something so badly you don't allow yourself a lot of normal emotions during the pregnancy. I felt I should have enjoyed every moment but in truth enjoyed very little of it as I was so scared something bad would happen or that I would do something wrong and let everybody down- I still didn't believe I would have a baby until she was plonked on my chest and then it was hell of a shock!

I also think pregnancy doesn't always suit very independent women - I think a lot of my issues were with the lack of control around it all. I really miss the intimacy of her being inside me and she's 3 months now but I think that's maybe because no one else could interfere. I have felt very low both during and after pregnancy and none of it really made any sense but thankfully it has passed and I am really enjoying being a mother now.

I do really wish you the very best of luck. Do talk to you midwife if she's friendly and let us know how you get on. x

[Katrina13 in reply to annajane77]

Thank you - a lot of what you say really does make sense and I do think that feelings are different for us IVF Mums. I am feeling a lot calmer and reconnected now, just want to get through the next few days! I am also nervous about people interfering and how I will cope with that - I feel very much like this is my baby and none of their business, but I need to go one step at a time on that front!

[annajane77]

So glad you are feeling better. Being protective of yourself and your baby is natural and shows you are going to be a great mum! After the first few weeks I found people do take a step back to let you get on with things and now I know who I can ask for help when I need it.

Lots of luck!

[Hidden]

Glad to hear you're feeling better Katrina13. Wishing you lots of luck for today and fingers crossed you get to meet your gorgeous bubba very soon xx