Hi there,I feel your anxiety. I to struggled to use the dilatory. However there are so many reasons to use them that weren't explained properly. Plus they are horrible things. Well mine were anyway. I'll send a more informative reply later when I have more time. Hang in there. Xx
Hi, thank you. Yes I totally agree, they are horrible and I don't remember anyone fully explaining them to me. It seemed very much like a tick box thing for them!
the most useful thing I bought was a vibrator. I had been using it for about a year before I met my partner. I was also prescribed a oestrogen cream from the doctor. Together with a gentle new partner and a lot of will, we managed it. It took awhile can't remember quite how long, perhaps a few weeks, I did bleed a little bit but it wasn't painful. Neither of us had had sex in awhile so it was fun playing around.
I am in my 60s and he is in his 70s. We haven't looked back.
I had cervical in 2018 and like you had the same concerns. I didn’t have sex or date for 5 years. I didn’t think it would be possible.
But I started dating someone and was very upfront about everything and my concerns and he didn’t freak out which was what I was worried about!
And we are now having regular sex! I genuinely didn’t think it was possible as i struggled with dilators.
I started using toys and lube to get relaxed. I did bleed heavily first few times but spoke with cancer nurse specialist and it was fine. And now I don’t bleed.
So it could very well be possible for you too!
I think now I’ve realised mines was a mental block and I wasn’t relaxing for the dilators as I didn’t want to. I definitely have stenosis and scarring and definitely smaller but it has been possible.
hi there, like you I’m 10 years post radiotherapy and struggled mentally and physically using dilators and even saw a sex therapist on the nhs & was only 27 at the time and only just had a baby so didn’t not want to be able to have sex ever again but fortunate to be in a relationship already. My advice would be moisturising creams for internal use and investing in a small sized toy and bin those awful nhs issued dilators ( for me they were too much off a trigger for bad memories from treatment) a tapered edge gives you a head start and so much more comfortable if you do have narrowing and shortening. I did have some adhesions which the gynea team “broke apart”. I found a clitoral vibrator to use with a partner relaxed me enough physically and also made the experience fun and light hearted and less anxiety provoking. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself as it does take two! I was told that having a reducing capacity some men would actually quite enjoy 🫢 which is a positive way to look at it. Wishing you well x
Thank you so much, can't tell you how helpful this is! Yeah the dilators are bloody awful, I think toys make a lot more sense! Thank you again for the advice x
Hi, I really feel for you as I have a similar problem. Eleven years ago I was treated for rectal cancer, a few weeks after the treatment ended, and I was free of cancer, I went on holiday to celebrate with my husband. We were both looking forward to having a normal sex life again but when we tried, the pain for both of us was unbearable.
I called the hospital and spoke to a colorectal nurse who advised me to use ky jelly, I told her that lubrication was not the problem but she couldn't offer any further help. We accepted that this was just something else we had to put up with. At least I was alive.
I searched for answers and eventually found out about vaginal stenosis. It was when I went for my final check up that I told my oncologist. He was aware that this can happen to women when having radiotherapy in that area but hadn't connected it to rectal cancer until recently. He gave me the dilators but wasn't sure if they would work as it was five years since I had my last treatment.
It is now eleven years since I started having radiotherapy and subsequently a sexual relationship with my husband.
I have read the other messages here where someone suggested a vibrator, I'm going to try that. Hopefully it's not too late.
This is my first post on here and I wish I had found this place earlier.
Ask your GP or pharmacist about vaginal lubricants. There are some really good ones available. But the ability to relax and be loving with someone is equally important as is a kind and loving partner who is willing to listen and take time and to understand how things are for you. All the best for your future well being and choice of partner! There are better dilators available from places like Ann Summers or similar too.
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