With the death of my best friend of 30+ years, her husband is planning to move out-of-state. These are the two people I’ve relied most on locally for emotional support and physical help. These have been my first line emergency responders day or night and not once have they let me down.
This week, the husband is coming over to install a lock on my garage door, adjust a new sensor detecting porch light; remove a kitchen drawer to remove baggies preventing its closure and replace a black tube in commode tank which flips out and sprays water on the wall. Granted, these projects have needed attention for 2-3 weeks. The question is, who will I ask next time I need help?
My only child and family live out-of-state. Before their recent move to another state, my daughter and I visited a couple of independent living facilities and we explored another couple during my first visit to their new location.
Following both visits, I came home energized and began making some preliminary downsizing efforts. In my 70’s, I soon lost the motivation to continue. It became easy to use stinkin’ thinkin’ to procrastinate and relax by saying to myself: “My daughter is so organized and efficient she’ll easily be able to get me moved into whatever I’ll require at the time, hold an estate sale, and take care of all the details required in selling this house".
How selfish is that? She already has a full time job keeping her two school aged sons and husband on schedule, fed, transported and satisfied knowing that she will see to the details that make their lives run smoothly.
My plan had long been to make one “final move” from a comfortable home of 46 years to my daughter’s location and into a senior facility which would provide advancing health care as needed. Covid-19 has made me rethink this plan.
What is my next move now? Regardless of whatever I move into in the future, the fact remains that I have far more in my house, garage and yards than I’ll possibly need, use or have space for in the new accommodation.
I am a paper magnet. All things paper find a comfortable, permanent space in my house. I still have sales receipts of the first early marriage furniture that continues to make up the “bones” of my daily life 50+ years later. A custom made occasional table, dining, coffee and lamp tables along with brass lamps and an occasional and dining chairs plus bedroom furniture daily and gratefully serve my needs. These items and receipts cannot all go with me to a new location.
Before thinking of what will be given away or donated, what might be sold, or taken with me, I can start by drilling down through my stashes of old receipts, IRS reports, greeting cards and letters, cookbooks and notebooks of recipes and gardening printouts, photos and gift wrap.
Yes, I will start here. To prevent burn out, I’ll set the timer for a work session on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday. My goal for 2020 was to walk three times/week and setting specific days for those walks kept me on target. I’ve met the goal for nine months so I know I can do this, too.
This will provide a new diversion and worthwhile endeavor for the coming weeks of pandemic uncertainty and move me closer to my goal of downsizing.
Anyone care to join me?
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FlowerPreciousLover
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Hi FlowerPreciousLover , thanks so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you are at a very important crossroads in making these big life decisions and changes, but I really admire your plan! I think it's amazing to acknowledge your daughter's schedule and your need to get rid of things before moving so that you could work out a plan that works for you! I wish you all of the success in making this happen and hope you keep us updated on your journey, wherever you choose to move. Best of luck
I have read your honest account and acknowledgement of the need you wish to down size .
I wonder as your daughter has her own life and responsibilities if you would consider having home help or someone to help you with running your household .
It is a very difficult decision to make and does your daughter have Power Attorney
I think may be given the current climate you start to plan as to how you can downsize and consider sheltered housing if you are no longer able to live in your home
I face a difficult dilemma
I am an only child and as my parents separated I took care of my Father and ran his business
Everything matter fell on my shoulders from making sure my Father was receiving appropriate medical care following his brain injury until he was admitted to a Nursing Home
The task of decluttering the family home and its eventual sale all fell in my shoulders
Since 2017 I have been studying Wills and Probate and I have missed the pass mark and I am currently waiting for the results and I should be applying for a legal placement as I have been out of work .
I am also concerned with how my Mother manages as she is on her own
I wonder if you would like to retain your independence at your home with home help to assist with day to day tasks you may find difficult to manage
Thanks for your thoughtful response, Roukaya. Yes, I, too have been the primary, longterm caregiver and estate mgr. for several family members and know too well the responsibilities of what that entails.
Yes, my estate plans are in order; my daughter has a folder of all important docs and lists of medical, legal, house maintenance people. I have a long term care policy and at this time am well able to be both mobile and capable of taking care of my affairs.
Having served as Power of Atty and executrix for several others, I know how important and time consuming managing all required can be. Preparing another's residence for sale or closing a family business can be particularly stressful.
My daughter and I have a close relationship and stay in frequent contact. Timing the relocation is the trick. It is the weighing of the pros and cons of staying in place vs relocating that I'll be giving more thought to. Thanks again for your post.
Thank you, Sadie, for your kind reply. I'll not be making any immediate moving plans but as more and more of my close network of friends have moved or are making location changes, I'm beginning to think more about my options.
It is a huge decision and one to be considered thoughtfully.
Are you in a place that you feel with continue to be satisfactory for the near future?
Apologies for the late reply! I completely agree it is a huge decision! My husband and I do need to move soon, as we are welcoming a baby girl in December and will only have a few months until we outgrow our one bed flat. We are thinking of moving across the country to be closer to husband's mother, but as you say, it would involve uprooting from our current support network so it is a very important decision to make. I completely understand that it can't be taken lightly and do sympathise with the difficulty there is in making this decision both mentally and physically. I do think you are doing all the right things to help you make your decision and I hope the right answer comes to you soon!
Make a list of the things most dearest to you, keep them, then you will need to be ruthless with parting with the rest of your belongings. Often we want to keep everything but we know, it's simply not possible. Downsizing now, will make any move in the future, much more of an easy transition for you. Things you are not using, you don't need them, pass them on to someone so they remain useful for someone. Sorry to hear about your friend, maybe her husband can recommend someone to you, who is reliable and honest, to help you with any future jobs you may need. 😊🌷
Thank you, Bobby, for your empathetic response. My friend is a C.P.A. by profession and not a handy man by trade but is just incredibly gifted at repairing ... I call him "magic hands" . Smiles
It is the loss of close friends from moves, death or incapacity that makes me feel the need to think more deeply about possible living changes in the next 3-5 years.
Great idea to list that which is dearest and what I'd most like to have with me when I relocate. I am very sentimental about some objects and know those will be the most difficult in making decisions about. Thank you for reading and responding to my post.
We used too live in a semi detached property, I am disabled so we sold up and moved into a detached bungalow about eight years ago. We were lucky we purchased a semi then the next door as well and we adapted and joined both properties together. Both properties were two bedrooms and we converted the two cottages into a larger bathroom and a reduced four bedroom 2 plus 2 into a two bedroom property. We have a small area as a study and we use the resulting passageway into our library of over a thousand books.
The move has been a life saver I am seventy and seem to be coming down with dementia. I am also seventy years old. We live out in the countryside and we have found a DIY Handyman who we get if we need work done.
Life is an adventure, we all need to take a plunge at different times of life, do not be frightened of change sometimes it gives people a new lease of life.
Purchase a cheap crosscut shredder, for all your papers you have saved up over the years
We moved from a 4bed detached into an apartment 8 yrs ago and have never looked back. OK we had to lose a lot of our furniture but it’s only wood!
My husband’s aunt made the move to live in sheltered accommodation near us at the age of 83 but even she realised she should have done it years earlier.
FlowerPreciousLover during our first lockdown here in Wales 🏴 I had a big clear out and declutter, I had a local reputable firm in and they made it so easy for me as I can't physically do these things myself, they really were angels and I felt so much better afterwards, i have to move from here to more appropriate accomodation when covid-19, lockdowns etc allow
I accumulate some of the very things you mention : every single stub from when I got my first job. Telephone, utility and water bill receipts, food shopping receipts, bank statements, old magazines, and old newspapers. I know all of these article can be accessed through archives . I have two shredders, and two full garbage pails of things that need to be shredded. I am going to buy a scanner to scan some other things I feel I can't part with. It is so important to scan your most important documents in case of fire, flood, other acts of nature, robbery, or burglary. I am looking for scanners to purchase on the internet.
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Telephone, utility and water bill receipts, 
food shopping receipts, bank statements, old magazines, and old newspapers. 
Trying to cope with my husband's mania
Counting my blessings 
Its my birthday
WHAT I’M DOING TO BE CREATIVE WITH MY TIME
Dinner