Where do I begin.....

[aysia]

What a day, I am glad its nearly over. Today has been a down day, woke up being sick with some kind of bug. My daughter has beem having the worste tamtrums ever! The baby has been so clongy, had to get thier dad home from work to 'help'. Instead I jus had three kids to deal with. And made me feel even worse. He did eventually take them out for me to rest.

Jus cant stop crying today, things are just to much to deal with, i feel like im screaming for help at the top of my voice but no ones listening. Everyone thinks that ill bounce back up as usual. But for some reason the way i beem feeling lately is different. Im worn out. I got no more energy to keep fighting, i kmow i need my meds increased but i hate the feeling of adjusting to them.

I wanna run away, i nearly did run away but i cant leave the kids so thatd got to be a good sogn that im not extremely ill.

Had my letter today with a date for one to one counciling, its next week so hopefully that will help.

Fingers crossed that tomoro is a more positive day. My dad is taking me out to hand forms in as i cant face going out on my own. Im tryinv to think of reasons why i cant go, but i habe to.

Well todays nearly over. Another day done that i didnt think i could get through.

Guess the reality of pnd is to take each day as it comes. Even thought im dreading each day.

[PNI-Admin Partner Volunteer PNI ORG UK]

It really is each day as it comes hun. When it's a bad day fight through it, when it is a good day enjoy it. You'll find the days where you feel good will increase over time.

I felt the same about my meds too when I knew I needed them increasing. The side effects when I first started were horrendous so I was terrified of becoming like that again BUT... I didn't have any side effects from increasing, only that I felt better. I imagine once they are in your system it's not a shock so your body comfortably adjusts. That's was what it was like for me anyway.

Glad you have got through today, we're here for you hun x

Have you been to the main forum yet at pniorguk.proboards.com ? We have many active users there so you will get even more support there. Our HU forum still in its infancy so we don't have quite as many posters here as yet. Hopefully the users here will increase too

Love Nat (wanagetoverthis) xxx

[PNI-Admin Partner Volunteer PNI ORG UK]

Please keep blogging here too of course. This is exactly what the blogs are for and it sooo helps others going through it, while allowing you to get it all down and out of your head.

Just wanted to know you knew there is another place to go to for support too xxx

[aysia]

Thanks. I will have a look there. Blogging here is helping and hope that others read it and see that we arnt on our own. im hoping the one on one will help but if not then i will omcreasey meds. I wamma get better cus my kids need me happy. Xxx

[VeriteeFounder TRUSTEE PNI ORG UK Volunteer]

Hi Aysia

So much of what you wrote resonates with me 23 years ago, especially how much harder it was when either my daughter or I was ill, and how often I felt i just wanted to run away but saw it as an indication there was hope I woud get better because I could not run away because of my love and care for her.

But I only had one child, and I remember those 3 years when I had PNI as being some of the worse in my life, but I got through.

You have 3 children, and so to me you are a hero, and doing so well. But I do know however well others my think you are doing, it is very hard when you have PNI, for us all.

Please keep blogging here as at the very least it will help others to know they are not alone, and I think it will help this forum a lot to have a regular blogger. You could be our first regular blogger if you wish???

But of course please look at our forum too pniorguk.proboards.com as you may get support there for more women who know exactly what you face.

All the best

Veritee