My husband and I have been invited to holiday in Dubai in October half term with my daughter and family. My husband is in good health and is keen to travel. I was diagnosed Feb 2023 with PMR and tapering to 4mg pred with fatigue. Since the invitation my anxiety levels have gone through the roof and we have yet to give a response to the invitation.
Any advice on dealing with anxiety would be much appreciated. Should I even be considering it at all?
yes, you should be considering it. I went to Australia a year after diagnosis and coped. I had special assistance for the flight which helped from arrival at the airport until arrival at Sydney airport being wheeled out to my daughters open arms. All went well.
Try and work out what your anxieties are about the holiday and that will help a lot. Decide if you want to go and go for it, don’t regret missed opportunities.
Thanks for your quick response and advice. What I didn’t mention is that I’m my 93 year old mother’s carer (she lives 3 minutes away from me). She is reluctant to have daily carers. I think part of my anxiety is that together with the fact I have to arrange everything when we go away.
I agree with Koala Jane. I have been to Oz twice with PMR and everything was fine. Definitely have special assistance getting round a big airport is difficult at the best of times so a wheelchair, for both of you is essential. Go for it, seeing family will make up for the stress.
Why not? I have travelled all over the world since PMR started and eventually pred was begun. The low dose of pred and poor adrenal function will be adding to the anxiety.
I see your mother is part of the situation - but you as a carer also deserve time to yourself to renew YOUR energy and mentally. Especially when you are not well yourself.
Thank you, I know I should be thinking more positively. I really do try to be a glass half full and not half empty like my mum. A big part of my anxiety is caused by having to organise the holiday arrangements and everything else. My husband is a wonderful man, but his only input to our holidays is piling his clothes on the bed for me to pack and driving.
My 101yr old Mum didn't want carers either, but when circumstances changed it all went better than expected and she was happy with it. We both interviewed a number of agencies and chose the one we liked the best and who was most consistent and flexible. We installed one cctv camera that I could access in real time to check she was pootling around as normal. You could view your trip as a bit of a dry run in case more permanent care might be needed in the future or further respite for yourself could be planned. We were lucky that a neighbour was prepared to keep an eye and to step up to give me time to get back if needed.
Thanks for your reply. I hope that will be the case with mum, if we go away. I’ve had a recommendation from a neighbours daughter about an agency. Mum is very set in her ways though!
Aren't they/we all.........🫣. I can't reccomend a camera highly enough, it was absolutely super. Especially if it wasnt too clear on the phone what was going on. I ended up reducing the input a bit, Mum didn't find it 'convenient !!!' And I had put in too much out of an abundance of caution.
I have thought about a camera but it’s a hard concept to introduce to her and I’m not sure how useful it would be with me being in Dubai and her in the UK! She has used Alexa to call family members on a couple of occasions when she’s had fall.
I live overseas, thats why it was so good. On my reccomendation my cousin did it for her equally independent minded 99yr old father and she just lived round the corner; she agreed that it reduced dramatically the fretting about 'was everything OK'. I was just straight out with Mum that I needed to be happy she was ok and that the camera was not placed anywhere intrusive. In the end she would hold stuff up in front of it for me to see! Do you have a lifeline type system with a wrist alarm??
Mum refuses to have a wrist alarm - says she’s ‘all right with Alexa’!
Bless! ....maybe a few weeks with you out of range might just concentrate the mind a tad? 😟
I suspect you may need the holiday whilst you can. I can fully understand your anxiety about your mother - my mother was resistant to everything too, until she could see it was the only way she could stay in her home. If your Mum can still use the tech, there's hope! Don't try and make all the arrangements at once. Work out the priority- people in an emergency, perhaps, and do a bit at a time. A change of scene may give you some much needed energy refreshment!
Thank you. The deed is done. My husband enlisted the help of my daughter, all that remains now is breaking the news to mum and arranging suitable care. I just wish I could control my negative thoughts 😩
Similarly, Mum and I did a 'deal'; I would do my best to keep her in her own home, including spending one week in 5 in the UK, and she would accept carers and the cctv. Giving all the travel i had to do I think she got the better side of the arrangement! Suspect its a bit more tricky to negotiate if you live just round the corner.
we are all different...it is important that lots of people encourage you to go...and I am not going to discourage you...but each of us know our limitations and our anxieties. Your decision must be right for YOU. I should confess I am writing this from a place where the lack of energy and muscle weakness makes venturing anywhere impossible. I just want to encourage you to consider what you really want to do. Whatever your decision, it will be the right one!
Thank you. What I really want to do is do is develop a positive mindset!
Hi, it might be worth giving CBT a try. I've found it's definitely helped with aspects of my life. My local Wellbeing team even runs a Zoom group for people with chronic physical illness. Your GP should be able to advise you. If not, google Wellbeing in your county. I lived with my mum for 10 years, and only managed to leave her a few times - but it was always worth it to feel refreshed and remind me who I was. And it gave me something to tell her about. From personal experience, I can't help but wonder if your mum understands the boundary between her life and yours?
Perhaps you could try "Mum, I am going on this trip and I need your help to achieve that."
Sounds like you deserve this trip. Good luck.
Thanks for that suggestion. I will look into CBT. I have relatives who have used it for anxiety.
If you have have to arrange all the travel as well as arrange care for your Mum can your daughter help with bookings etc. ? I do understand because it’s always me that arranges everything to do with travelling and then when something goes wrong it’s my fault !!
Do go though if you can. I take extra Pred on travel days. 🦋🌸🦋
Thanks for your response. I am grateful for all the support on this website. The family guided my husband through initial booking and will continue to help him with all the rest. It’s an unusual state for me as I’m always the lead passenger! Thankfully not on this occasion!
Hi just for your peace of mind regarding the holiday side of things, if you haven’t been to Dubai before. We lived there for 20 years off and on. My husbands work, later with my boys joining our company. We are retired now here in The Dales. You have no need to be anxious regarding anything!
The weather I would say can be still quite warm, high 20’s but cool enough to eat out in the evening It is safe, clean, everyone speaks English, and shopping including food shopping is a dream , All in air conditioned Malls. Waitrose, Spinneys (like Tesco etc) and even Selfridges, Marks and Spencer etc Enjoy it all ! For a short holiday it is lovely.
Thank you, that’s made me feel much better!
I’m so anxious about so many things at the moment, coping with the long flights, avoiding an upset stomach ( especially when taking pred), coping with heat and worrying how mum will cope when I’m not there to look after her on a daily basis. Your message has helped.
Hi, two things . Have you considered respite care for your mother in a local residential home so that she can have a little holiday herself?
My own mother was as stubborn as yours and her demands were growing daily. She was foul to the excellent live in carers and had already exhausted me and my sister so I suggested a trial of a care home to give us all a break.
Secondly, you have tapered your pred very fast from February so maybe slow down a bit if all is these arrangements are overwhelming you.
Sadly my mother would never think of going into residential care, however short a time, as a ‘holiday’ would be seen as more like a prison sentence! She is a lovely person and has been devoted to family all her life, she is just set in her ways. I want to do the best for her as she has always done for me. I really don’t want to leave her but neither do I want to pass up this chance of the holiday of a lifetime. I’ve been away in the UK a couple of times this year for a few days and each time she has fallen but not let me know until I have returned.
I’m on holiday at present in Greece and was diagnosed in may currently on 10mg. I would say the key is research and planning . You know your limits need to know you can work within them. With hindsight didn’t do enough planning. Have managed but could have made it easier. Also need if possible good communication friends and family so you are able to say cannot do something or need to rest/sleep. I worried about the flight which was actually ok it’s been getting around balanced with rest has been more tricky. I would say go, enjoy, but lots of pre planning.
When I get anxious about "stuff" I ask myself "what is the worst that can happen" and it normally isn't half as bad as what I am thinking!
As others have said – go for it, for your own mental health. (But make sure you go happily knowing that things at home will be ok.)
I came to the point when I realised I had to get away. Looked at all sorts of options which included taking my partner with me - she has dementia and physical disabilities – but realised that caring for her away from home certainly would not be a holiday! Then I had to find a way of going on holiday without her but not putting it like that. In the end I enlisted the help of my (teacher) daughter who will be on school holidays and will come to live in the home: this way my partner will get ‘a bit of a holiday’. I admit that my circumstances are a lot easier than many people’s.
I have booked to fly to spend five nights with our son who lives on an island off the coast of Scotland. I’ve told him I’m going to spend the time in a cafe drinking coffee and watching the world go by! My partner freely acknowledges that she cannot manage airports any more so that makes it a bit easier (if a bit sneaky).
Enjoy yourself.
I hadn’t thought about a camera – must research this. I do plan to use duo whilst away.
If you can see through the rain!! Absolutely chucking it down in the west of Scotland today! Take your wellies and souwester ...
Thanks, you enjoy yourself too.
Reckon also that it can still be very hot in Dubai in October. We went once in October but very hot when outdoors. Can you handle the heat ? Probably in 30s
Mid-30s is usual in October - currently upper 30s-40-ish!
Yes you are exact its 33 to 38 this October. The good thing is that there is air-conditioning everywhere indoors..
Everywhere around the Med has been at the top end of "usual" this year, about 4 or 5C more. All of Italy has been toasting.
You’re not making a good job of selling this holiday to me! And it’s too late now, it’s booked!
I think by October it will be far more tolerable! I also think we are suggesting that you don't plan a sightseeing holiday unless it is in an air-conditioned coach!! And one of the positives is that unlike many tourist accommodations in Italy, Dubai will have lots of air-con!!!! You will have a lovely time being waited an hand and foot! Just make sure you have requested airport assistance so you get there feeling human - it really makes such a difference!
Thanks for your advice. Holidays are supposed to be something to look forward to - at the moment it doesn’t feel like that! I’m expecting to have a more positive view as each thing I have to arrange and get my head around happens, especially sorting mum out. I should be ok in the airport as I will have 5 family members with me and I’m perfectly capable and able to walk.
I never used to be like this!! Pathetic…
Having family members only goes so far. With airport assistance you will skip queues, have no standing waiting in security or passport control, get to use lifts and no rushing when a gate is suddenly changed. And always have a seat while waiting!
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