For me, this might be better titled, how I've muddled through. The reinventing is a work in progress and likely to be for the foreseeable future and I realise as I have been writing this, that the reinvention perhaps began a very long time before I was given any kind of a diagnosis.
I'd had undiagnosed aches and pains since my mid 40s (circa 2000), with intermittent periods of flaring with significant disability and then periods of a kind of remission where it was still there, but manageable with self medication. Doctors were not interested, and I limped along (some times literally); presumably PMR not considered due to my relative youth, despite various physios saying that I needed to see a rheumatologist. With my dwindling physical capabilities, I became less able to do the things that I loved . By age 50, the foreign birding trips became less physically demanding, the high altitude trekking stopped due to pain, I was no longer able to ride my bike at weekends due to the pain in the pelvic girdle that it caused, walking became too painful to do the long hikes in the hills that I loved. And I was constantly fatigued and exhausted and in pain if I tried to do anything vaguely physically demanding, even housework. Throughout, I managed to hold down a responsible job in the pharmaceutical industry in a very high pressure work environment. Though the increasing disability and work pressures took their toll on my mental health. It took all my energy to hold down my job with little left to enjoy life out of work.
The pandemic in 2020 and resultant lock downs eventually brought it all to a head. Living alone under enforced solitary confinement with all my support systems no longer available and continuing to work from home in a stressful job brought me to my knees. I had just started seeing a counsellor just before the first lock down and had to wait until later in 2020 to start seeing her again. I carried on working until May 2021 aged 62, still believing that the problem was my mental health and by then, my counsellor was so concerned about my health that she told me to go sick to create some head space to sort myself out. It was obvious to everyone (but me) who looked at me that I was in complete burnout and my doctor signed me off for several weeks. In retrospect, if I hadn't stopped then, I very much doubt that I would be here now. I was so ill by then.
At the time, I still believed that I was only on sick leave and I would return to my job when I felt better, and at my counsellor's urging, I took the time off to review my financial situation, something that I had been unable to do whilst I was still working. Up to that point, I had believed that I would be unable to retire, but a financial adviser on the case collected all my funds together and I discovered that retirement might be an option. Plus, the last job had allowed me to pay off my mortgage. The company, no doubt concerned about me being off long term sick and not being able to replace me, made tentative noises about a pay off and we settled on a tax free sum that meant that I would not have to go back to work immediately. Though by January 2022, it became clear that I would never be able to go back to work. I cannot access my state pension until August 2024, so I am managing to survive on my small savings and the work payout, by being careful.
During the summer of 2022, the PMR symptoms grew worse and I spent a great deal of time sleeping. I still had no interest in anything that I once enjoyed and a combination of extreme fatigue and brain fog meant that I was barely able to read, I didn't have the focus. The one joy that I did have is that I rediscovered my love of swimming and I found out that not only did it help my mental health, but being in the water was the one time when I didn't feel pain. A little of my old stamina started to come back. Other than that, I was just kind of existing and wondering why I wasn't getting any better until October 2022, I had an asthma check and when the nurse asked how I had been, I broke down in tears and the whole story tumbled out. She made an appointment with the doctor for me and in November 2022, I finally got a diagnosis of PMR, and so it became clear at last that I had an underlying physical condition, rather than mental health issues. I started prednisolone in February 2023 with the usual miraculous results for PMR sufferers, though I continued to suffer with the fatigue on and off and all that inactivity has left me in poor shape physically. My overall fitness and stamina had deteriorated to the point that I am having a lot of difficulty in rebuilding my health.
Since May 2021, I've been gradually rebuilding my life, though progress has been slow and after about 6 months on prednisolone, I started to feel a lot better and more hopeful about the future since September 2023. My sole focus since retirement has been to improve my health again. I found a local craft circle that meets once a week and through that met some wonderful kind women who have been a great support. I swim 2-3 km a week, as and when energy levels allow. I am still finding walking more than short distances painful, but I hope that some of that will improve and that I will be able to go out bird watching again. I have recently found a yoga class that enables me to join in with my very low abilities; I no longer have the strength and flexibility, but I think I will get better if I persist, and have started doing some stretching at home to help. For the time being, I have given up on the idea of holidays or travel, as I don't have the stamina to enjoy them in the way that I once did. I have also been spending time on decluttering the house to prepare for a move and eventual down sizing. I want to move to a nicer area where I am closer to nature. Although I have taken some holidays and by necessity they have had to be a lot less energetic than they would have been in the past.
I blame years of stress in the workplace and traumatic events in my private life for my current state of health, so if there was any reinventing to do, it was to remove negative influences from my life and learn how to not sweat the small stuff. I fully recognise the role in my illness that my gung ho attitude to life and the pressures that I have placed on myself has had. I've had to make fairly radical changes to the way that I view life and think and of course, those kind of paradigm shifts are no overnight job. I have no intention of ever returning to work, be it paid work or voluntary, especially as work has depleted me so much in the past. Since retirement, my new mantra to live by has become "Do what makes you happy". Overall, I would say that slowly and surely, I am getting there.
I'm back with a diagnosis of PMR
Pure PMR the final diagnosis!
Wondering about PMR diagnosis
Differant diagnosis from PMR
Where do I go next after 2.5 years of PMR 
