I was diagnosed in January with GCA. & am now down to 17.5mg of Pred but struggling. My eldest son(40) came back to live with us after his marriage had broken up very badly on Xmas eve. He's not been well because of all this & it is an ongoing nightmare with what his wife is putting him through & then I had my diagnosis & now my husband has told me out of the blue that he wants a divorce, marriage over, wants to sell the house. I'm also now waiting for my cataracts (steroids induced) to be done. I'm in shock, disbelief & I'm scared about what's going to happen with my GCA. I'm already on a small dose of anti depressants as this year has been horrendous & totally knocked me for six & now another thing totally out of the blue. The tingling/prickling is back on my head & I've also been getting mild pains in my temples. I've decided not to try & reduce further ATM but want any tips on how to manage this through what has been & is the worst year so far of my life. His idea is that he wants to sell the house & move as soon as we can. I've told him however that I simply cannot go through that for at least this year. I am so worried about having a relapse & going right back but that doesn't matter to him- he wants his money out of the house.Any ideas on what I can do to keep my GCA under control whilst dealing with all this? I do half hour of yoga every day & have been doing yoga for relaxation & stress & am doing a lot of deep breathing to calm myself. That is helping me & I'm going to start doing more regular walking ( I've dropped off recently). My mind is so full & I don't think my head can take much more.
Please excuse me if I don't reply to all responses- but I will be reading any responses on this. Thanks for reading & going someone can give me some ideas.
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Janeval
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17 Replies
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Dear Janeval I am so very sorry for you. What a lot of upset and emotional trauma. Sending hugs🤗💐x
So sorry to hear about all your troubles….no wonder you are so stressed.
For your personal troubles, we cannot really advise, other than to discuss with other family members, friends perhaps, maybe counsellors and probably solicitors [if there is no chance of reconciliation].
But for GCA, you really don’t want that to get out of hand, so you may require a little more Pred, and do seek help from your doctor should things get any worse. You are doing what you can to keep as calm as is possible, but as you say it’s a nightmare situation.
That's a lot .... firstly I would concentrate on your health and what you feel you need for that? Increasing your pred? Whilst your husband may well want out quickly that is unrealistic and so don't even think you have to comply right now. Most definitely get legal advice, and take your time over it. You must be all over the place right now, so not the time to make any decisions. Health first, solicitor second, and make sure the solicitor knows about your health and your needs.
So very sorry Janeval. What a terrible amount of stress to deal with on top of the GCA. I echo Sophiestree’s advice. You must put yourself first as best you can. Self preservation, your health before anything else.
As already said - you need professional advice at all levels and I suspect you will have to go for mediation before a divorce. Your husband may envisage getting his money out is easy - given the state of the housing market in the UK at present, I doubt it will go as smoothly as he thinks. What a selfish and uncaring person - you obviously haven't had much support from him the last few months when you needed it. What happened to the the "in sickness and in health" clause? But you need a solicitor for advice on the house and other assets and whether he can force you to sell so precipitately,
Have you spoken to your GP? They can direct you to mental health support and help with the medication. To be down to 17.5mg after just over 6 months with GCA is quite fast anyway and NEVER underestimate how much effect stress has on PMR and GCA. You very possibly need more pred for now and you need to know what support there is there with prescribing, GCA quite likes to flare in the first 18 months anyway - this is fertile ground for a flare.
Make sure you look after yourself first - and do what is right for you, not everyone else.
I am so sorry that these grenades have been tossed into your life. I would be consulting a solicitor and getting myself a therapist pronto. You need to understand your rights and to have someone to help you to manage the emotional fallout of this.
As an aside we have had my daughter from Australia and her two sons living with us for 6 weeks. This has been while her father in law has been dying, he has now died and we had the funeral yesterday. My son in law has been supporting his family and mostly staying there. Although lovely to have so much day to day contact with my beloved family, it has been a really stressful period - with a whole range of the adult’s emotions and two boisterous boys to manage. This has put an awful strain on my marriage and it has only been for a relatively short time. When there is nowhere to express the strain you tend to attack each other through gritted teeth to relieve it. We have felt at breaking point at times. Some of the same may have happened to your marriage at an extreme level. You may want to see if anything can be salvaged through joint counselling or mediation. I learned to back off and give practical support where I could. Our children have to sort out their own lives and we have to be mindful of our health and well being. Staying neutral feels counterintuitive but it is by far the best strategy. By all means be the listening ear but don’t allow it to consume your life.
You are doing the right kinds of self care. Is it possible to see your Rheumatologist for a review? This is all bound to impact on your health. I agree with your decision not to taper at this point and an increase in Pred is most probably indicated as you are becoming quite symptomatic.
Wishing you well as you negotiate one of life’s massive hurdles. Let us hope that the other side is happy, bright and amazing. Hang on to what you want and need in all this. 🌻
So very sorry for you ❤️. If there's any doubt about whether the pred is coping with your symptoms, then you should probably get medical advice asap.
As far as the rest is conerned, when I worked for Citizensd Advice, we always advised people whose relationship was breaking up that if a house (or children) were involved, they should always get a solicitor. It may not be so simple as a two-way split. You can get some tips here:
including on how to find a solicitor - it needn't cost the earth.
As far as the selling of the house is concerned, if he wants to sell it, he can do all the work, can't he? You're ill, and it's not in your interest in any sense. Also, as to quickly, he's living in cloud cuckoo land, unless he's prepared to sell very cheaply. There are very few buyers around at the moment.
Like all of us I am so sorry to hear of so much sadness coming together and of course your first priority must be your health.This must all feel like a total nightmare for you and there is part of your trauma that I identify with. My husband chose to live with someone else when my three children were all under 12, so I had to take control of everything myself - a common situation of course. It may sound strange but in the darkest days, the one thing that helped me, was to write it all down - often in complete fury, but in retrospect it helped me get things off my chest. It's just a thought but sometimes little things do help. Thinking about you and you WILL get through this.
Poor poor you. Wish you strength for it all. As others have said, health first, solicitor second. From my experience of divorce it takes a while and you jointly own (presumably) so you won't be needing to move anywhere for a while ......
Unfortunately, I have no advice that hasn’t already been given. But, my heart went out to you when I read your post 🥲. Wishing you the strength to get through this horrendous time and sending you hugs,
Thank you to all you wonderful people on here. I have- since I posted on here- seen a solicitor, I have an appointment with a doctor ( not mine but that's nigh impossible now) & I have been seeing a therapist for the last 2 months as everything else - before this happened+ was becoming far too much for me to cope with. I have also arranged to see her every week at the moment as it does help. I have tried to call my Rheumy but no answer, however, I'll call in Monday morning. If I have any doubts over the w.e I will 'up' my dose of Pred. I've now got a group of solid friends I have discussed the situation with & they are all in the same small village I live in - open door for me wherever I need it. The solicitor has assured me that he cannot do any of this in a rush- as he seems to want to do - so he can't put the house up for sale without my agreement ( & yes, we own half each.) I'm not doing anything other than looking after myself at the moment & making sure I give myself plenty of tlc as the last thing I need is my GCA flaring up.
I have read & taken on board all your wonderful advice & concentrating on myself only is quite liberating!
You’re really on it Janeval. So pleased you’re putting yourself first and getting organised with your support systems. As an aside I experienced two years of extreme stress prior to GCA. Looking back I was involved in a close family member’s situation which really, I could do nothing to help. I felt sick with worry. With counselling I learnt to put myself first and detach. It was, as you appropriately describe, liberating.
I wish you all the best as you navigate the tricky waters ahead. Lean on your good friends. They will want to support you. Most of all, treat yourself as a princess - someone on this site has said this and I think of the phrase often. Stay strong and any GCA queries, ask here.
Yes, I do seem to get involved ,& take on everyone's problems but since I was diagnosed I am trying to think more about what this is all doing to me- and I do think that its years of trying to make everything ok for everyone else & I just can't do it any more. This is why I started seeing a therapist a few months ago, but I think it's going to take me quite as long time to let go of old habits. However, my marriage breakdown has hit me so hard, on top of everything else this year, I now know that I have to put myself first but it will be hard!Thank you for your advice
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