"When You Can't Stop Mourning the Person You Were Before Chronic Illness" ~Jamie Jasinski

I believe many of us can relate to this very well written article...

themighty.com/2018/11/griev...

[BethandHoney2017]

Wow.

[Hidden in reply to BethandHoney2017]

I know, right? Wow!

[SnazzyD]

Sure can relate to that. I sometimes feel it is no different to having a car crash and losing one’s independence due to an injury but I don’t say that any more because people think one is disrespectful of those they can see have a visible disability. If anyone says I’m lucky to not work any more once more, I’d like to deck them. For some reason it doesn’t occur to them that giving up work when you are hail and hearty and able to make plans is one thing but this sort of scenario is nothing like it.

[Hidden in reply to SnazzyD]

I hear you... people think I am so lucky that I was able to stop working 63... I think it sucks! I loved my part time job with the NHS and volunteering at the hospice! I'd LOVE to go back to both!

[YuliK]

I personally think it’s a very sad article indeed..

Nobody feels on top of the world when poorly sick. The main thing , instead of wallowing in self pity, is to try to convince ones self, that things will get better. They will , if you try to overcome.

Hope is the main factor..

[Hidden in reply to YuliK]

...it was sad indeed, but somehow I found it comforting to read that there are other people out there (like me) with invisible illnesses, who are mourning the person they used to be.

[spiritofhilary]

What a moving article and one I'm sure many on this site can relate to.

[Hidden in reply to spiritofhilary]

Yes, I believe so...

[HeronNS]

Interesting. I do have to say I never felt I was particularly competent or whatnot, at least not how this person remembered they were before their illness. It must be even harder if you do and your ambitions are dashed. I was incredibly sad but it was because I was very lonely, and that would have been the case no matter my physical condition, although made worse because of a combination of circumstances during that first undiagnosed, untreated winter.

[Hidden in reply to HeronNS]

HeronNS, I am so sorry that you had to face this journey alone... and to go undiagnosed through a winter! How awful.... hopefully, you have friends and a tribe that sees you though the tough times now... ❤️

[HeronNS in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. I'm a loner, always have been, but there are acquaintances, many of whom are kind to me, and, I hope, I to them. And my family is lovely although with their busy lives I don't see them as much as I'd like to. One thing PMR did, unfortunately, was take away the energy I used to put into volunteer activities. Perhaps that will come back.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to HeronNS]

Maybe different volunteering? Which you do do - and very very well...

[HeronNS in reply to PMRpro]

Thanks. Actually I "sit" in a small art gallery a couple of times a month and quite enjoy that. I had volunteered with a genealogical library and loved it, but owing to politics the volunteers all left en masse and that was the end of that. But that was a while ago, soon after retiring and even before I got the PMR diagnosis. I don't have much energy these days, I think I'm still in slow recovery from the upheavals of the past year. I anticipate next spring with some optimism, if I get through this winter okay!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to HeronNS]

The last year has been somewhat interesting and I hope next year will be better, For us all...

[HeronNS in reply to PMRpro]

Yes, I think things have been very hard for you and your OH so I hope that things are much improved from now on.

[Hidden in reply to HeronNS]

Yes, I understand..... I too look forward to "it" coming back! ❤️

[tangocharlie]

This writer is very young so it would be particlarly hard to come to terms with things. I have had to give up work but I still haven't quite accepted that and adjusted to a new normal that things have changed. Work gives you so much more than money. I feel I need a reason to get out of bed in the morning (other than the bladder calling). I read recently that if you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, change your goals. But it's hard to have new goals when it's difficult to even plan ahead because you don't know if you'll be able to do something. Words of wisdom appreciated. I did a mindfulness course and using those techniques helps.

[Hidden in reply to tangocharlie]

I was 63 when diagnosed and gave up a part time job (after retiring from a 35 year career) and volunteer work at the hospice... that bothered me a lot, but not as much as losing the person that I had been. That still gets to me, because as I age, I know, even after the GCA and PMR is gone, "SHE" will never come back.... she's gone forever.

[teesher]

It is a kicker what PMR does to our bodies but hey, life does that too - childbirth, illness, ageing, etc. We are never the same person today as we were yesterday. I nearly missed a plane the other day and had the insane joy of being able to run through an airport. PMR took away my ability to run and now it's back after four years. It's the little things..

[Hidden in reply to teesher]

I doubt I would have made the flight! *laughing*

[teesher in reply to Hidden]

It was close!

[Joaclp]

I was pushed out of a very fulfilling professional job (with hateful office politics) at age 60, because I had very active RA and had to ask for accommodations. That left me bereft of self and angry. Then PMR came, along with other autoimmune conditions. I'm just getting over the angry self and acquiring some calm and insight, I'm not the same person, though.

Thanks, M, for yet another link to a helpful article. I hope you find some peace and self-acceptance in your current search for answers, though we love your raging against the dying of the light. JoAnne

[Hidden in reply to Joaclp]

Oh wow... I can't even imagine! That soooo stinks!!!! RA and then PMR... 😡

I hope you too find some peace and self-acceptance on this journey... Thanks for your continued support and kind words.