Husband - who is always selfish - wants to go to Germany for an official engagement by train - 11 hours instead of flying 1 1/2 hours to show he is a climate change mayor! My poor bones will be aching and I will then have 6 days of mayoral duties. I could fly on my own but even that will entail lugging a large suitcase as I will have to have the right clothes. Would rather not go on my own. Did suggest to him we fly there and get train back and I could then rest on day after our arrival. Maybe I am worrying too much. My Son says I must not be bullied into the train journey - then I think to myself - maybe the train will be Ok. It will be an interesting visit and a key twinning event. What do you lovely people think?
GCA and being a mayoress!: Husband - who is always... - PMRGCAuk
GCA and being a mayoress!
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christine2715
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48 Replies
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I love taking the train. You can get up and move around instead of being squished up in a plane - but I'm speaking from the perspective of one who usually flies across the Atlantic, not the Channel. No point one of you taking the train and the other flying, kind of defeats the intent of saving fossil fuels. I deliberately take the train to visit my daughter in Ontario, a twenty-four hour journey including one change, because the train takes me right to where I need to be, otherwise we have to get on a bus (or train!) to reach her town. I've enjoyed the train a lot. It becomes part of our holiday, and we get to eat in the dining car and chat with other people, there are even cars where you can socialize or do your internet thing, or pick up a local newspaper. May not be the same everywhere, of course, but on a long journey people do start to interact. And on a philosophical level, this is not a difficult way to "do your bit" for the planet. Or your compromise - fly there, train home - sounds like a plan.
PMRproAmbassador
I'd take the train - stop and think about the messing about with airports. You will have a booked seat and be able to get up and have a wander around.
Where in Germany - is it an existing twinning?
Less likely to catch any bugs on a train. Air flights are notorious for passing coughs and colds in their recycled air. I caught a humdinger last year, ruined my holiday.
I'd be more troubled about wearing the heavy chains? Do you have to wear the full mayoral kit alongside doing the duties?
Yes but its just a chain, no gown, although I am told it is heavy. Am more worried about the length of the journey - I just get so easily exhausted
For me, a long train trip would be more tiring than a short air trip. I agree with your son- you do what is best for you. Take just a carry on, have hubby take the big suitcase with him on the train. Tell him he’ll get points not only with the environmentalists but feminists as well.
Hold on to the positives that on a train you can move around. A lot of us take a 'one off' increased dose of pred on a 'travelling' day. It may be something to consider? Also a 'V' shaped pillow to support you should you need to sleep whilst seated? I take my pillow everywhere with me! The 'V' supports shoulders, back and neck. A absolute Godsend!
I suppose it's not as easy to get assistance at railway stations as airport?
On balance I would say train but on condition that I wouldn't have to rush or carry anything heavier than a pillow. The seats are bigger and you can walk around. As someone said you carry a v pillow with you so you can rest. 11 hours without a change equals a nytol or sleeping pill to me. But with a change I would want a good amount of time to change platform. Also don't stand until train stops.
Why not flying? specific circs really, hypo in airport and back seat on plane and no time to all to walk round and no bend in the seat etc. I tried to pinch the stewards drop down seat for a bit and almost got in trouble for refusing to move until my legs would walk back to my own seat.
Build rests into the trip. You don't have to go to everything in the itinerary surely?? If you go to the biggest things then surely you can miss others...at the minimum make sure you spot the seats straightaway?!
• in reply to
The Assistance on the Railway is Excellent, my friend uses it all the time, they take you to your seat & if you change they are waiting for you, take your bags & take you to the lift if necessary!
• in reply to
Great. That's a good bit of info if I get round to renewing my passport! Public transport hasn't been a joyride for a few years.
Yellowbluebell• in reply to
So do we. When Ian first had surgery we needed to travel by train and there are special staff to assist and push wheelchairs at all big stations. Even in the tube system in London we were given fantastic care with special lifts available.x
I love train journeys, I hate plane journeys! I must had done hundreds of plane trips around the world and ideally I would have chosen the train any day. I would always choose the train rather than the plane if I can.
Can I ask if you all took the train across Europe. My own experience was that they are much like uk. Also if not in a wheelchair and generally looking fine you are not perceived as ill and beading help. It's only 1 1/2 hours by plane and we are 3/4 hour from Gatwick
Have you thought about not going at all?! (You did say your husband was selfish, so should you put yourself out to accommodate him?!) Do you relish the thought of 6 days of mayoral duties? If so, then go by whatever means are best for you. If that means flying, then let your husband take your large suitcase in the train with him and you can meet him at the other end.
If you go first class on the train. In Canada we have coach and Via 1, the better seats and service. Go with the best seats and service. You can nap.
Let your hubby carry all the bags.
Six months ago my son gave a potted summary of Nana's PMR to his sons. Basically said that Nana has looked after everyone all her life and now her body is telling her to look after herself...or else. This is the same Nana they admired for her vigour and fun adventures in recent years until this nasty disease hit virtually overnight. My Sam aged 15 had an interesting response that you might consider. "So Nan...if you don't want to do something ...anything....you can say sorry I don't feel up to it. Wow, Nan...that is so cool!!" Now I just have PMR not GCA but hey....its time to embrace a degree of personal selfishness, I reckon. Too often we continue to act as if we are well for fear people will think we are acting like we are sick.
It sounds like taking the train is important to your husband, yes? I say agree to the train, try to reserve a higher class seat and enjoy. You are Mayoress so demand to be waited on hand and foot!!! Practice the “Queen wave”😂
Have fun.
Amusing, but truthful: telegraph.co.uk/travel/rail...
And this might make you feel very good about deciding to take the train:
Would be good if my train journey was like that - in fact it will be 4 trains at least. But take your point
• in reply tochristine2715
FOUR trains!!! 8 getting on or offs with baggage and to a timetable!
Changed my mind.On balance plane, especially as only 3/4 HR from airport this end. Otherwise I wouldn't be going.
Hubby should walk or cycle, for mayoral period for green credentials. Would say go vegan, volunteer for litter picking, rubber stamp cycle lanes but some of those would impact you too!
Pippah45• in reply to
Four Trains that is pretty gruesome unless you can rely on help from Husband? However don't forget all that faffing at the airport - being there x hours before and all that security. I love trains - but not 4 in a journey! Then balance it against the bugs on the plane! Difficult decision! Good luck!
• in reply toPippah45
Oh dear the bugs...am in the balance again.
Pippah45• in reply to
I think she should do what's best for her - but it looks like domestic harmony is also at play - times like this I am thankful for being on my own. Best of Luck! 
• in reply toPippah45
Yes me too!
Domestic harmony means she does what he wants? She said he's always selfish. Something I think most of you seem to have missed. Suggesting how good train travel is for you is missing the point. She, doesn't want to go by train. My impression is that she goes along with everything for a quiet life. Her son who knows them both has said to fly. Because that's what she would prefer. She should do what is best for her. I'd say it's rare that she does that. That's what I would do. Life is too short not to.
• in reply toSeanine
I watched my mum do it for 50 years. And believe me it wasn't in silence from any of us kids. If it was me and I felt that way, I wouldn't go.
I agree many of the answers (mine included) have largely accepted the status quo. It's not my relationship and I know in some relationship you have to pick battles.
Oh no, I think we were, certainly I was, trying to show that train travel could be more relaxing than the plane. But now that I've heard there need to be four changes made, I would not encourage the train after all.
Oh I didn't miss anything particularly not the selfish bit! I was just trying to suggest a balance that would bring the most harmony for Christine. There are a lot of facets to this whole journey. I wonder if husband is prepared for the fall out if she collapses on the train etc etc. I foolishly allowed my husband to be selfish when newly wed which created an untenable partnership that ended in divorce. IF I had insisted he behaved properly who knows what might have been? We used to drive to Germany over the long sea crossings - and the short ones. I think I only flew once and that was on the insistence of a gyny when I was actually too pregnant if the airline had asked! I hid the bump under the toddler!
Oh, that does indeed change the picture entirely. One change, possibly even two, would be acceptable, but four in each direction? No that's not on. We travelled from Antwerp to Nottingham one day last spring, and there were two changes, very manageable, although finding where to board the Eurostar in Brussels was a bit confusing and we were lucky to get directions where to head from a fellow traveller. Everything else plain sailing, in fact we'd allowed ourselves far longer than we needed to make the change in St Pancras. But I don't think, with my two weeks worth of clothes, an intensive tour behind me and family visit still to come, I'd have attempted it if the changes hadn't been so easy and a fast Eurostar ride in the middle.
FOUR TRAINS EACH WAY!!! Is there, seriously, not a more direct rail route? Or is your husband perhaps a real train buff who's trying to get experience of as many kinds of German train as possible? Sudden thought - could you leave a day earlier and split the journey and stay in a hotel - or would that only add to the stress? Oh no, I've suddenly thought - are you including a couple of changes involved in your getting from your home to whichever terminus you use to start the 'serious' bit of the journey? If you are I would recommend you leave a day earlier, spend a night in a hotel in St Pancras or wherever. (that's only if you find you cannot persuade your husband that your choice, for you, is to fly or stay at home - he can go whichever way he chooses.)
In the end a previous Lady Mayor told him she had travelled to Blois in France which was only a seven hour journey and she is fit! She told him she found it totally exhausting and would get the plane next time. Amazing - this caused the husband to decide to fly both ways! My entreaties were all ignored but hey ho - its a result. We will do the carbon offset by donating to a third world country 'climate change' project - which is £19 to help with his 'greeen' credentials and I suggested no more Australian Red wine. Tee hee.
• in reply tochristine2715
😂😂😂 it is amazing how often other peoples views are worth more in families. And 🍷😂😂😂
Hildalew• in reply to
Too right. SOOO frustrating.
That is a bit below the belt!!!! The wine restriction I mean!! I have no bad conscience about that - most of our wine comes from within 100km and the rest is maybe 500km (Austria) 
But hoorah - sense prevails!
Hi
I would take the train but do what's best for you. Will you have to do a lot of walking? You can buy 3 wheeled walkers with seats, if you aren't ready for that then get a walking stick to help your balance or make sure there are plenty of seats. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx
You make sure its your choice and decide when you are chilled with a cuppa and not tired. Having been the victim of 3 weekends of uk train disruptions trying to get from Glasgow to Manchester the fastest which was 3 bus replacements getting home at 4 am i would say fly or stay home let hubby go on his own and realise how fabulous you are when he misses you!
Last night was the worst trip ever. Long week working in 30 mg pred, GCA head pain and 3 buses starting at 5 pm. Home at 12.30 am and today i can barely function !
Dont mean to be down cast but as Mayoress its "show time' folks and expectations on you are high. Travel your way or no way!
Good luck. X
Don t play the martyr, sweet heart. It is your life, you make your choices. You are not in this world to please others, unless that is your choice. Go by plane or don t go, there is only one person in charge of you, guess who that is!😉🌞Alida.
Compromise go first class
Seems like the environment is more important to him than you. I think he's just showing off. So he can boast about it.
Your son is right. Fly there. Don't bring much. Be your own women. I'd be stiff as a poker as well if I traveled so many hours at my age.
Do what is best for you. Best of luck. I wish you strength and fortitude.
Joan
I'd go by air...take special assistance which will transport you through the airport and get hubby to take the heavy suitcase to salve his climate change conscience!
Do the seats recline on the train? Even if not wear your most comfy clothes, take ear plugs, eye shades and a good neck pillow and try and get some rest. You could take Nytol too if that is OK for you - try first, one night to see if it suits.
Oh yes if you do decide to fly get assistance. It is easy to organise, no long walks to the gate and you get priority boarding.
I fly a lot, and have it down to a science:Get a good small wheeled bag, pack what you need for the first night (your bigger bag hubby can bring).Get some guy next to you to lift it into the overhead bin.Request an aisle seat, exit row if possible (more room).Have in your purse your preprinted boarding pass, passport, credit card and cash, those antibacterial hand wipes, your meds, hand lotion, and a favorite snack(if it’s dry you can take it through security). Buy a beverage for the plane after you go through security ( then you won’t have to wait, parched, for them to come down the aisle).Wear comfy clothes, have your electronics fully charged. Bring a sweater in case the plane is cold.Google the airport you are going to to see where taxi stands are.Relax at your hotel and order room service while you wait for hubby.
Sounds great advice
Think of the medical impact on you. Take care of yourself. I think there's always some doubt "but you don't look sick, therefore........" in people around us, so maybe we don't want to disappoint. If anyone knew what pain level 10 felt like, they wouldn't want us to go through twice that level.
You do what’s right for you. I love the train but 11 hours is long by anyone’s standards. What I would say is that I fly up and down from scotland to London once a month. It is just over an hour. However flying for me is definitely draining, dehydrating and does me in for a day or so. I can’t get the train as it takes 5 hours. I would miss my connecting bus on the other side. But I would prefer it. My parter would never put politics before my health even if it was his job. Of that I’m sure. If you’ve never done the journey try it. If you have and it messed with your health or you can’t face it you need a serious conversation with your husband. If he doesn’t listen to you based on your health needs .... what can I say......
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