Those that can't do... RANT!
rantingsofamadwomanblog.com...
No Warning; This post does not contain strong language or any offensive innuendos!
PLEASE NOTE: This post is NOT related to PMR/GCA, steroid side effects, or anything having to do with with any AI illness. It is however what I "do" from 1:00 am to 4:00 am when I cannot sleep, because of PMR/GCA, steroid side effects, and everything having to do with with AI illnesses!
So beautifully written and poignant mamic1 and very inspiring.
Very powerful Mamici. Beautiful writing you missed your calling!
I dwell on the past during those long nights too.
You read it Scats and you liked it, so... I guess I haven't missed anything... : )
Thank you!
Dear Melissa,
So very very sad and so beautifully expressed.
If only your brother had been able to express the pain that was inside him.
Very brave, to share memories and feelings that don’t go away, takes some courage to write this. Many others will find something there to relate to.
All comes out in the early hours doesn’t it. Wish I had your talent for writing. Thank you.
I hope you are right Marymon... If only one person relates to this post, I am happy. ...and yes, it ALL comes out in the early morning hours, whether we want it to or not!
Well, we all benefit from your insomnia, whether you make us laugh or cry.
Keep on sharing xxx
Oh Melissa, "I am so sorry" too. You were a wonderful sister.
xx
I hope I was Rugger, I can only hope I was. Thank you
How sad Melissa, that really has got to me. Hope you are coping? I have to go to an appt right now but didn’t want to go without saying a little something. Beautifully written. xxxx
This is very sad. How families cope I do not know, sadly it's still happening.....I hope you can find some peace Melissa. X
I keep searching Longtimer.... thank you.
Oh Melissa - I cannot but sense your brother IS 'listening' ...
XX
...that made me smile. As I too feel he was reaching out in that dream and inspired that piece. I was a woman possessed as I was writing... at 2:00 in the morning!!!!! 😴
So sad Melissa, and you tell the story beautifully! I'm sure your brother appreciates the tale being told for him when he could not!
Sadly he is not here to tell me if that is true... but I think he does. I think that is why he wakes me up in the middle of the night! 🙄 Thank you.
Beautifully written mamici,so sad that your brother had to experience the horrors of war,it is so sad that the world is still full of conflicts and so many are suffering terribly.
It is indeed Grants148... 😓 Today was a sad day.
Thank you for reading and responding.
Beautifully written and so very sad. I just lost my little sister, she was 45 and was addicted to prescription pain meds for the last 15 year's. I tried to help but had to keep my distance from the lies and everything that consumes them. I was with her helping her through the dying process from the cancer that took hold of her due to a compromised immune system. We all do what we can when drugs and alcohol are involved. You were the best Sister you could be under the circumstances as was I. Rest easy and know your Brother knows how much He meant to you and how very hard you tried to help him. Big soft hugs Melissa and love to you.
Wow... thanks klaroche. I guess a lot of us have similar stories to tell... I too was with my brother, when he finally just gave up. He had had enough. 50+ years of guilt, addition and self hatred... Big, soft , hugs back at ya! xxx ❤️
Beautifully written Melissa. And very, very recognizable. Than you so much for writing this down.
Love xxxx
Thank you for reading!
Manicure, bless you for those beautiful words , I felt and feel your sorrow as I to lost my brother 43 yrs old although I never lost him , he lives in my heart .thankyou
Thank you... yes they live on, don't they!
Powerful expressive writing M. You really have the words. Hard to express hurt & emotion for many of us till we crack or seek an outlet. Generational expectations don't help either. Your brother was a good guy who did his best.
He did do his best, Pepperdoggie... and thank you!
Mel, you gave your brother the only thing any of us have to give that is of real value.
You gave him your unconditional love.
I did GG, or at least I tried... Sometimes his behaviour got in the way and I would judge, but I ALWAYS loved him. Thank you. xxx
Loving someone unconditionally doesn't mean we always understand them. It doesn't mean we excuse them, apologize for them, change our standards for them, or give them our approval.
It means we always love them, no matter what, even when it's hard.
You did that.
You gave the best thing you have to give.
I loved hm no matter what... yes. xxx
Thanks Melissa. Rang bells for me, both my brother and my husband. Brothers in arms. Miss them both. Keep writing in the wee small hours xx
Sorry for your losses Mai45.... Thank you.
So poignant Melissa! So well written in spite of your pain. You did all you could at the time and as has been said you loved him unconditionally- You couldn't have done more. Xx
Rang bells for me too, but guess I'm less forbearing than you are. Understanding is one thing, but dealing with the damage is another.
War - when will it ever end?
He was my brother, I loved him dearly and I knew he was scarred by his experience. I would have taken on the damage if I could have... War will never end... I think it's in our nature... always as been. 😪
Your poignant writings always give those of us who read those words an insight into what truly goes through your mind. Some of us may never experience such tragedy. It must be very difficult to find the right words to express such a loss as yours. You always find a way to not only find the right words but to place them in such a way that we all get a very clear picture of what you are going through. I bet you were a great sister, I bet he laughed at your ‘rantings’, did he ever tell you what a great writer you are? If he didn’t, it was only because he couldn’t. Who knows, perhaps he still laughs at them. I hope so. Xx
Thank you Peachy6958. Thank you so very much... your words mean a lot to me. My brother never read any of writing... He may have seen (through his girlfriend) a few of the earlier ones; from when my daughter was diagnosed with cancer in 2104. But he too, was diagnosed with cancer 4 months after her and was fighting his own war (again). I wish he could have read some of the more humorous ones... but I think you're right, he's laughing now! xx
Darling Melissa I commented on the blog. My heart aches for your brother and you. This is a subject very close to my heart. I can’t go into it as I am unstable at the moment but believe me I hear you and I send you my love xxx
Thank you Daisychain12. He is at peace now... that's all that matters. His war has finally ended. I wish you peace as you struggle internally... may you find the light, and may it illuminate your path. xxx
Oh Mel. I want that for us all. Bless you xxxx
...yes, but may YOU find it first! 😉
Oh, Melissa, I am so sorry, I am sobbing my heart out after reading your post. Sending much love and cuddles to you whilst sitting on the deck of the Thomson spirit in barcelona xxx
Thank you JanboC, I am sorry I made you cry... but what a lovely complement that my writing moved you so... Thank you. Wow! Enjoy the Thomson Spirit and Barcelona!
Very lovely & moving words, Melissa xxx
Thank you Pipalina.. thanks for reading it.
I thought the post on your blog from Woosta - who cleared loved your brother too - was a great, as you said, validation by someone who knew him and loved him too; for all his flaws xxx
Hi Pipalina.... Yes, Cheryl (Woosta) is the niece of two friends, of both my brothers. She grew up like I did, 5-6 years younger than all the guys, so very OVERPROTECTED buy all of them as well! That was a good and bad thing! Hahahahahaha Woosta is slang for Worcester MA, which is where we all grew up.
Wow, Mamici! Heavy stuff! But so moving. illuminating and honest. What a cathartic use of your insomnia............xx
Thank MamaBeagle. It was a good use of my insomnia... at least on that night it worked! out!
Dear Melissa
I’m so sorry to read about your brother, such a tragic loss not to you but also for him not to fulfil the promise of his life as it could have been, if only........
Thinking of You 💕
Thank you Mrs Nails... yes it was a tragic loss.... Hopefully he gets a "Do Over!" xxx
I am so sorry to read about your brother mamici1. Your post is full of your love for him, and regret for the life he could have had in other circumstances. What a wonderful sister you are with an exceptional gift for expressing yourself so beautifully with words. Your messages always move me to tears or laughter. The sad times will always surface but try to couple them with happy memories too. Hugs. 🌹
Thank you PMRSUE! I am honoured you are moved by my rantings... thank you !
Calf pain when walking uphill, Pred or inflammation? 
Problems when walking
Struggling to walk
Arrrrgh! Guys, I am beside myself!
To walk or not to walk?
