Please

Good afternoon, all members of this forum.I have been thinking this more often, but this time I want to share it with you. I notice that Some people with a question don't bother to greet or say thank you. It seems as if they take the forum for granted. I realise one is not always his or hers normal self at that moment of asking, but please be aware of the unceasingly effort and support given by several members over the Years. So THANK YOU. 🌹Aletta

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  • Hi Aletta,

    The vast majority do say thank you, whether to individual posts or maybe a few days later as an additional post to their original. If you don't follow that post you may not see all replies.

    Even those that don't, may just "like" the answer - that way the poster is advised, and knows they have read it.

    As you say we are very often not ourselves so do not necessarily conform to the niceties of life! Or maybe they are not as computer savvy as others.

    But nice of you to highlight!

  • That's a lovely response. 🌺

  • Hi Aletta

    That's a very good point about being courteous to others on a forum like this. I think what you say could be a symptom of the modern / digital age when so many people communicate in a type of 'shorthand' directness - a bit like sending text (sms) messages or on Twitter? And, of course, some people are more 'direct' / impersonal in their communication style than others - possibly due to their personality type!

    Also, I think what you say might be a case of differing social cultures in different countries too? From my travels, I have noticed that, in mainland Europe, people tend to be more 'formal' and courteous socially (but not to say that British people aren't!). Like you, I am 'old fashioned' and like to greet / say thank you to people here, and spend time to express myself clearly (but some would say often in too many words!).

    I'm sure most social forum users have good intentions, although as DorsetLady says, some of us are maybe just too tired or 'frazzled' to spend time on the 'niceties' / courtesies -and just want quick answers. Anyway, as you say, it is good to express appreciation for the time that many people here spend in acknowledging and replying to messages from others - even if with a 'Like'.

    I'm sure your comment will raise lots of replies about this communication topic... ;-)

    Best wishes and have a good weekend everyone!

    MB :-)

  • Hi Mark, master of the pen/ computer/ word. A story for you ( excuse me, not a Joke) while walking the camino to Santiago I met many persons, we had nice and interesting conversations, people invited me in their houses, gave me food and sometimes even a bed. And moving on and saying goodbye and Thank you, I often heard, take care, here it is safe but in Belgium/France/Spain beware of the man! I have never been in Engeland long enough to really form an opinion, but I admire the traditions. Have a Good weekend too, Aletta

  • Good Morning Zofitmogelijk.. what an interesting post. I hope i have never been sharp or rude on this Wonderful Forum. Very often in the mornings i am not at my best re pain and brain fog from medication but being polite is definetely on the top of my list . We have so many wonderful advisors on here and they have certainly helped me with my 13 Year PMR journey and at times i have learnt more from them than my medical team . I have had the privilege to meet PMRpro who is a Wonderful lady. Celtic is my inspiration,especially on my Bad Days to keep fighting this awful condition , there are just too many to name and i thank everyone who puts the posts on this forum because there is always something that can apply to you .I do thank Kate Gilbert for her book and i have certainly had it by my side recently in my latest flare . How interesting to read about your Camino de Santiago walk , my late husband is interred in Galicia about 2 hours by car from Santiago so i have Galician Family . I lost him young 21 years ago .and yes Galician people can have a friendly nature and Always say ..Mi Casa is Su Casa and bring a table full of Tapas from nowhere . I agree that this modern life is very busy but i don't think it's just this Country. Best wishes to you and have a nice weekend and that applies to everyone else on this Forum .trish29

  • Dear Trish, that is a very constructive and positive contribution to this thread, and straight from your heart. Sorry to read about your long journey with PMR and hope you'll feel better everyday. And the late husband so far away, but in the land where he had his roots, I assume. Are you still able to visit the Galician family? Have a Good weekend too, Aletta

  • Hello Aletta.. i do try to stay positive but it's not Always easy . I find belonging to a PMR/GCA support group in Chertsey Surrey helps because at our meetings l talk to other members who are probably going through more than what i am . My late husband came from Monforte- de- Lemos, Lugo .Spain and yes that was where his roots were . I haven't been back now for about 10years due to my constant problems with PMR and my previous Rheumatologist insisted i didn't fly. I know the journey so well and if i went by ferry and car i would probably need a week in bed when i got there due to exhaustion . I am in regular contact with the Family though and i now live with my Partner who takes care of me. Thats one thing you learn with PMR that you have to pace yourself . Best wishes and i hope things go well for you .trish29

  • Thank you Trish29, I looked on the map and the nearest place you pass on the camino is Samos, where I spent a night in the monastery of st.Xuan. Good you have company again.best wishes, Aletta

  • Best wishes to you as well Aletta , such a pretty name. trish

  • Nicely said. A lot is due to modern living for sure, but there have always been those that are polite, and those that aren't!

    I always taught my children that it doesn't cost anything to say please or thank you, but it means a lot the the recipient. It didn't always work when they were teenagers mind, but they now have that with their own children! How the circle goes roundπŸ˜‰

    My school motto was " Manners maketh man" - bit ironic considering it was an all girls school, but we got the message.

  • Interesting post. On thinking about it I realise that if I am responding to a direct question, then what they get from me is a direct answer (as in normal conversation).

    When simply commenting on a thread I do use salutations (I think) or occasionally a 'Hi'. But my working environment before retiring required speed above all else at times, so some of it may have brushed off on me now.

    Thank you

  • Think you've got-it-in-one polkadotcom.

    Maybe a reminder to us all that some people who post here are looking for reassurance / connection with others as much as advice and information - and vice versa?

    I think this topic will run and run! ;-)

    MB :-)

  • Hi,

    I would have to say that during the two years plus that I have been visiting this forum, it has never occurred to me that people have been impolite, except perhaps when there had been a serious difference of opinion.

    I am usually aware of people's bad manners, but, as others have said, it is surely true that some people posting can be very emotional at the time they post, so I think we need to make allowances for that.

    with regards

    Paddy

  • Well put Charlie :-)

  • I guess I'm guilty of this, although I sometimes go back and insert the person's name, but only to make sure it's known who my reply is addressed to. I feel this is more like a conversation, not letter writing. Apologies to anyone who has been and in the future will be offended by my apparent abruptness. πŸ˜•

    And many thanks to all those helpful participants out there! πŸ’•

  • Not at all, HeronNS.

    You, and several other 'experts' here are a wealth of experience and expertise to the many who join this forum. Your input is much appreciated even if seemingly 'abrupt'.

    To others here, maybe a reminder that some of you have great demands on your time and resources and you give them generously despite this.

    So, we shouldn't complain if you seem to be short and to-the-point - just efficient?! ;-)

    MB :-)

  • I've no doubt I come over as a bit direct - especially on this forum where I have no emojis to soften what I say if it is being to the point. Like Heron I view most of this as a slow motion conversation and like polkadotcom if I answer a question - I answer a question. And I plead shortage of time for effusive niceties - especially when I'm on holiday and still here...

  • Dear PMRpro

    You do more than enough on this forum - above and beyond in fact. Whilst you can have a more 'direct' comms style sometimes(!), I know it's well-intended and you more than compensate for this in the wealth of expertise that you bring to all here.

    Enjoy your hols - we all need some time-off from 'duty' sometimes! ;-)

    Thanks for all you bring to the forum - as always

    MB :-)

  • Mark - I have often thought that if, when a youngster, Dorset Lady had been my Mum and PMRPro had been my Aunt - I would have sailed through life............!

  • The mind boggles Rokerman..! ;-)

  • I like a bit of boggling, me....!

    You know what I mean πŸ˜‰

  • boggling - or oggling Rokerman..?! ;-) :-D

  • We'll get thrown off this forum....!

    I do think Mr PMRPro is a lucky bloke tho'.......

  • I've been thrown out of better places than this Rokerman... ;-)

  • Hmmm - he may not be so sure...

  • Dunno if my daughters would have agreed! Though now as they approach their 40th birthdays they seem to appreciate me more.

    MB - I can't let my claim of having read every post since I joined lapse! I don't answer as much when I'm away. But to be honest - life here is a permanent holiday ... :-)

  • Good to know PMRpro (funny, that rhymes!).

    Keep up the great work here - you're a goldmine of facts, research and information on PMR/GCA. And, with a dry SOH ;-)

    MB :-)

  • YES, YOU DO !!!!!! :-(

    (Only joking....) ;-) :-D

    Enjoy you hols - look forward to you getting back to PMRGCA business and all your disciples.

    MB :-)

  • I have learned quite a lot from you, and any cons you may have are far outweighed by your pros. You say what you think, and I admire that characteristic. You say what needs to be said - not what we sometimes want to hear ; and that's a good thing.

    Thank you for all you do as you are greatly appreciated.

    Edward

  • That should have been my name....wishes for a headache free day.

  • Thank you

  • Well, I thought Aletta's brave post on this topic would raise lots of interesting comments! ;-) :-D

  • Mmmm, piglette..

    Maybe the challenge for many of us in different ways (especially on forums like this - and given a wide variety of personality types / communication styles) is to not judge or criticise people unfairly, and to try to be tolerant of each others' personal contexts / needs from the forum - which are often unknown to us and different or not necessarily in line with our own?

    Although we have some obvious things in common (e.g. PMR / GCA etc), we are essentially strangers to one another in many other contexts. I well-remember a recent, polite dressing-down in a PM from a member here after I openly responded to another user's post with a high degree of suspicion about their authenticity and motives. The jury's out on that one...

    I think you've got it in one - some people will thank you for your input 10 times (probably inadvertantly?), and others won't. Conclusion? Try not to judge others - and especially one's self unfairly. This is supposed to be a community and we are all different...

    Happy weekend all

    MB :-)

  • O I did not realise the impact of my post. The most important part of it was please realise how lucky we are with 'our' experts. They always find time to respond within hours and we can't be thankfull enough for their existence. Please let them know that you are comforted, informed, helped, given good advice. I never intended any harm to anyone. Thank you Mark since this remains a foreign lanquage for me you say it better than I can.

    The other part, perhaps is compare when you enter a shop, and you say potatoes, 2 lbs, instead of Hello can I have 2 lbs of potatoes please

    But perhaps I am old fashioned.

  • That's so kind of you Aletta, thank you.

    Don't worry, I am sure that you didn't offend or harm anyone here. You raised a very important point about communication on an internet social forum.

    In fact, I am sure that you made a few people think about their communication styles in a wider context - especially in communicating with others from different countries and cultures - and / or with differing personalities and needs - especially here!

    Your '2... potatoes' analogy is great - it explains the difference in communication styles perfectly!

    MB :-)

  • Zofitmogelijk, I would always speak as you suggest one should. I thank the bus driver when I step off the bus, the cashier at the store, the librarian who gave a terrific program, my husband when he cooks a meal, anyone who's helped me. But if I'm having a conversation with someone and we're discussing a subject in depth I'm not going to be thanking the person every few sentences am I? And that's what this forum is to me, a slow motion, long distance conversation. ❀

  • Hi HeronNS does'nt the husband deserve a hug after cooking a meal, my friend can only just boil an egg πŸ˜‰ ❀️

  • Zofitmogelijk, umm, not really! Any more than I deserve a hug after I put out the garbage. Which, with PMR and pred isn't easy. I firmly believe that all housework should be considered something that needs to be done, and household members should just get on with it without expecting gratitude. As second nature as brushing one's teeth....

    Now, showing up with flowers would merit a hug! 🌺🌼🌻

  • Hi HeronNS, I live in a LA T relationship, so we both have our own household. I teached my children to cook, the son and Daughter totally normal. My friend still is old school! But nothing wrong with hugs with or without reason, is there?

  • I guess if we want to become really philosophical about it.... A hug is not a reward for expected behaviour. But I agree, nothing wrong with hugs for any or no reason. In fact a hug for no reason might be the best of all!

  • Hi Both (all here) - what an intriguing topic!

    I agree with the philosophy that 'Hugs' (in whatever form) don't have to be earned - just given appropriately, and in the right context.

    That said, a very pretty young-woman (unknown to me) approached and hugged me closely today at the supermarket. I felt very good about this - even though her motive turned out to be to sell an 'old' man some funeral-plan insurance!

    My conclusion? Don't look a gift 'hug' in the mouth.. ;-) :-D

    Happy Days..

    MB : -)

  • 'When your husband cooks a meal'...........?!

    Heron - don't give the other ladies on the Forum ideas.....!

  • Sometimes it's the only way he gets to eat. My children are all good cooks, I think in self defence, because I'm certainly no great role model. What's that saying? G B Shaw, "If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example."

  • You mean like the German colloquial habit of saying "Ich kreige ..." (I'll get...") in a shop without EVER saying please or thank you...

    If politeness is old-fashioned - I'm happy as a dinosaur!!!

  • I'm happily old-fashioned too! But, I would add that in Norwegian there isn't a single word for "please" - politeness is conveyed by the way the sentence is formed. "Thank you" is plentifully used though. Funny old world!

  • Hi Patience

    you live in norway? My Son lives in osa naar Voss. After dinner one always says tak for maten, when dinner is served one start immediately to eat. Intriging all those differences.

  • Hello Aletta, yes I count myself lucky enough to live in Norway for part of the year - otherwise I'm from England. In Norway I live about an hour south of Oslo. We're certainly a multi-national mix on this forum - I think we must cover a good part of the globe!

    Your original post has certainly caused lots of very positive reactions. I'm having a bit of a bad day today so have come very late to the conversation and have found it very interesting to read through all the messages. I've certainly been aware of the differing styles of messaging - some are warm and cuddly while others are very matter of fact - no doubt a mixture of different personalities/styles and perhaps time available. I'm in awe of the regular long-termers who find the time and energy to be so helpful - and seem never to mind however many times the same questions have been asked. It doesn't take much to show a bit of appreciation in return, maybe by just clicking "like" as an acknowledgement. I'm going to sound like a dinosaur now, but I do think that texting and messaging inevitably encourage a very brief, clipped style of communication, and can come across as off-hand. On the whole though I'd say the general feeling I get from this forum is a whole lot of goodwill and caring, and I'm so grateful it exists!

    Hopefully I'll get functioning earlier tomorrow!

  • Or you just reprogramm your clock, set it back for two hours? πŸ˜‰

  • I couldn't agree more Patience_1, well put! :-)

  • Very relevant Patience_1... food for thought about cultural and linguistic variations in meanings...?

  • I like to use people's names too, but some user names I have to keep scrolling up to see the spelling and the upper case usage etc. it's probably Pred brain. I'm forgetting names more and more now.

    Thanks for your post Zofitmogelijk. I tried to I still manners into my children but they seem to have shaken it off. I think they think I am quaint.

  • Is it true Sheffieldjane, in England you can just call everybody love ?πŸ€”

  • Hi Zofitmogelijk, In Sheffield where I live even the men call each other love and flower which I have always found sweet. Not everyone, but the true Yorkshire folk.

    Where are you from originally?

    Jane

  • Such a nice habit! I am originally and actually living in the north east part of Holland, called Friesland. Some rainy day I'll add a picture of my old farmhouse if It succeeds.πŸ€

  • Jane - when I used to visit my former in-laws in Yorks, I was amused by the greeting 'ey-opp yer daft b*gger' - it just doesn't work down here in Surrey.........!πŸ˜„

  • I must say when I first moved here Rokerman and had to order Crusty Bloomers for loaves of bread it made me smirk. I love listening to the old Yorkshire dialect such as " Me little Meister has been took badly and is a reet pain in tharse. Meaning my husband is not very well and is being a difficult patient. πŸ˜‚

  • In Somerset (in the West of England), people often call each other 'Lovely' or 'My lovely'. :-)

  • That' s even nicer.perhaps someone can top this item up by announcing a place where they call each other 'my precious' πŸ˜‰

  • Or..."my handsome", or "my luvver" - we could go on and on! (I'm from Devon originally, and lived in Somerset many years)

  • Of course Patience-1!

    Like you, I 'growed up' in Devon and have lived in North Zummrset for most of my adult life ( I say 'adult' advisedly..).

    In Debben when I was a youngster, the lads used to call each other 'Maierrrt' (mate) or 'Bay' (boy) and refer to the girls as 'Maierrds' (maids). When I meet up with a couple of my old pals from Ilfracombe, we still use the terms even though we've all now lost the Devon accent (or never had it in the first place!).

    Happy Days.. :-)

  • Bet the accent comes back when you meet up! My dad was originally from Durham but "growed up" in Devon and evermore had the most extraordinary mixture of an accent!

  • I'm trying to imagine it!

  • Hi Zofitmogelijk,Although I am dutch, I've spend a lot of years in the U.K. At first I had to get used to the term"love" but realised later that it was just a way of being friendly.

    Bye love :)

  • Hallo Moppie, ( being the Dutch equivalent of love, more or less.πŸ§€πŸŒ·)

  • I'll have to try that one at the supermarket! ;-)

  • πŸ˜„

  • What a lovely term - I think I'm going to borrow it!

  • Hi Aletta, you can always click on LIKE by a writer's post, so that the individual will know that you liked their post, which is a very personal way of saying thank you.

  • Hi Zofitmogelijk

    l am a direct type of person, yet I try to be curteous in my approach. But you are correct...manners cost nothing, yet when you are worried or scared sometimes manners are a bit scetchy and the praise pleas and thanks can be a bit thin on the ground, and many people are very thankful for any advice after the fact.

    I'm not trying to excuse poor manners, simply to give a reason why this might be.

    Thanks for highlighting this.

  • Yes MeggieKy, you are completely right. (and I am almost sure you prefer to know it, when people are thankful) Have a Good weekend, Aletta

  • Thanks Zofitmogelijk, you have a good weekend too

  • Good point Meggy.

    I'm sure no-one here would ever intentionally be discourteous. As you say, it's usually just a matter of people forgetting the 'niceties' in communication due to rushing to write posts / replies, and / or being anxious about their condition or treatment.

    I suffer from the opposite problem - I usually write long posts / replies because I don't have time to write short ones! ;-)

  • Hi markbenjamin57 can't imagine why you have less time for short replies. ..must be all those witty comments lol.

    Good point about rushing to submit your post though...forgetting pleasantries. Thanks for bringing it up.

  • Thanks Meggy :-)

  • in Devon and Cornwall (where I come from originally) the older generation still call everybody 'my lover' - whoever they might be!!

    On the point of politeness and addressing people by name .... who should I address this post to? I think that is the point - people are just addressing their questions to 'the community' - I certainly feel I am doing so and then when PMRPRO and DorsetLady or someone else replies to me I thank them personally. But I, and I am sure most people using this forum would be horrified if someone thought we were being rude.

    I use another part of HealthUnlocked with my job - answering peoples questions professionally - so maybe it is just a generational thing - some people thinking of it more as letter writing and some more as a quick help and information and support site. Either way it is food for thought. I think we are all pretty quick at picking out the truly rude or arrogant posts though - judging by the replies they get! :).

    By the way, I thank everyone who has helped me on this site - it really does help.

  • Yes Daisyroo, it is very interesting to give this a thought. Together we will be wiser. We learn from each other. Perhaps it is not the formule, but the acknowledgement ( is this a correct word?) that once you ask something on health unlocked, others have to give time and attention. That' why, a few month ago, I expressed the wish to mean something for other members, but I am only a beginner.

  • Lovely, Daisyroo (and all here)! Devon & Cornwall - ohh, memories 'Mee Dear'!

    On using salutations here and in the social media / internet etiquette in general, I tend to use 'Hi All' to respond to multiple replies to a post. Or, if I'm writing a new post, 'Greetings all / Dear all seems appropriate.

    If I'm communicating with / responding to PMRpro, DL, or other users where we have an established connection and rapport, I tend to drop the salutation because, as someone observed here, 'it's effectively a running, slow-motion conversation'.

    I know this might seem like a triviality to some folks, but, to my 'emotional logic' (if that's not an oxymoron?), these little touches help to personalise communication between people who effectively are strangers to each other (no offence intended to anyone - just an observation on how the social media works, for better or worse).

    And, as a couple of people have suggested, the personal touch can make a big difference to those who are new to a forum like HU especially, where they are maybe looking for a friendly style of response - as much as advice and factual information.

    Just another thought on cultural / conversational, written styles in the social media... I have many friends / colleagues internationally for whom English is their second language. I've noticed that, in our communications, they are often faultlessly courteous and 'proper' - even when we know each other well and could drop the 'niceties'!

    Many of them would argue that it only takes a couple of seconds to launch an internet conversation with a salutation showing courtesy and respect towards the recipient - and that is important in building and maintaining good relationships with each other across geographical as well as cultural boundaries.

    Food for thought about how some of us use and take the social media for granted in the western world...?

    Better get off the soapbox now. All responses welcomed SO LONG AS THEY ARE POLITE AND WITH AN APPROPRIATE SALUTATION! ;-) :-D

    MB :-)

  • Hello Aletta- first of all, I must say that I like your pen-name of Zofitmogelijk - 'as fit as I can be', if that's correct? That shows a combination of humility and determination which I'm sure all on this forum will connect with!

    When I saw your post this morning, it did resonate with my own thoughts on the subject too. I concluded a while ago that we, the 'foot-soldiers' of this movement, like to give our thoughts and opinions based on our own (similar) experiences - as such we're probably going to open up with a friendly and personal greeting.

    On the other hand those with a broader (and perhaps more technical) background, probably have a great deal more call on their time, so their responses may be shorter and 'to the point'.

    I guess we should just appreciate all who answer or provide comment on our posts which are usually put up when we're feeling anxious - courtesy of this infuriating condition!

    I wish you and all others who take part in our forum, the very best in your recovery! πŸŒ·πŸ‘

  • Yes you are right, as fit as possible, wish you to the best possible health, fitness, Happinez, Aletta

  • Well I think everybody is being a Moppie today. Thank you x

  • :)

  • Hello all, I want to share my gratitude for this forum and all the personal reactions on the subject. It is a good thing we can all have our own opinion excisting next to each other. It is so important to let be... and proves this forum alive and kicking.

  • Good morning Zofitmogelijk what a good post and good morning to everyone else as well. I have not posted before but read all the time

  • Interesting thread! Actually, I thought about the same thing some days ago! I try to write comments to everyone who answers my questions, but sometimes I just click the like-button. That is when I am very tired and can't concentrate. (I'm norwegian, and I have to translate every word to english in my mind before I write. And, as someone wrote earlier, I say "Takk for maten" (Thank you for the meal)😁🌸🌻)

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