So, many of you will have seen my previous posts, talking about my attempts to deal with the crushing anxiety and suicidal depression during my first two months of self-injecting.
Sadly, nothing much has improved since my last post. If anything, my depression has got worse, necessitating constant contact (and home visits) from the Crisis Mental Health Team, involving conversations with the inevitable coda of (and this is not easy to say) 'but are you going to kill yourself?'. 😔
So, I'm still very much struggling, still suffering from terrible anxiety, terrible depression and still hoping that things might improve soon. I really, really didn't want to take antidepressants, but the MHCT want me to take Mirtazapine (probably because I still have no appetite), and I think I'm going to have to relent, to save my life.
Throughout this period, two people from this forum have connected with me personally, have spent hours of their own time, buoying me up, talking me 'away from the precipice', on the telephone, swapping messages, and today trying to help me whilst on their holiday!
Wwwdot and Gobbozoid, I owe you both so much!
Some day, as long as I get through this, I will pay your kindness back (and that of others on this forum) and pay it forward to others. Until then, just got to somehow keep going.
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Laverdista
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Laverdista, so sorry to hear of your depression. You are not alone in this journey to health. I too had severe prolonged untreated B12 deficiency where I was bedridden for a period of time. With that came hallucinations and severe depression which was extremely hard to understand as I'd never been depressed in my life. I tell you this only because please know it can and does get better it just takes time.
My hats off to Wwwdot and Gobbozoid they are absolutely wonderful!
But a huge hats off to you also for having the presence of accepting help,! That takes a lot of guts especially for a guy.
Thank you. It's truly been the worst experience of my life so far (and I'm 57). But on the flipside, I've 'met' so many lovely people on this forum. ❤️
Oh Laverdista ! I really feel for you . But ts wonderful that you have found such empathy on this forum . You must believe that you will eventually get through this hateful patch in your life . That’s just great that you have experienced the warmth of strangers .
When you are through all this you.will indeed be able repay the kindness that you have received . But it will be passed to other strangers . You are in my thoughts .
I’m sure that you will. But yes , it’s very difficult for you to believe it . But it will happen and we are all with you on the journey . Please hang on . We will all celebrate with you . Be patient with yourself . You are important to us , so keep messaging . Very best wishes to you and your family .
So sorry to hear things haven't improved Laverdista but so pleased you have been able to receive the kindness of strangers (who are no longer strangers in all likelihood!).
I was talking to someone this week about when there were times in our life when we just need to keep putting one foot in front of another to get through another day, in the knowledge things will get better in time. Even if we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. Please keep doing this. You are as important as everyone else on this earth and cared for.
Bless you for opening up, as you said it's not easy to do so. The loss of appetite isn't helping with the intake of nutrician and vitamins. I think I mentioned them before, something along the line of Ensure.
Talking to the crisis team hopefully has been of some help. Also your Gp as it seems you have more than one thing that needs to be dealt with. Many of us have been thinking of you, myself included. Thanks to the people you mentioned, you now have help.
This is what this forum is for, to help other's who are on a very long, lonely, debilitating journey.
The journey to healing is often long and hard. Please do not give up as He will not give up on you. Depression creeps up on many levels but you must keep going and moving forward slowly and steadily. We empathise with you, we understand this insidious disease of PA can cause havoc to the whole body and please, please don’t give up on hope, hope that you will heal, hope for a better outcome.
My prayers go out to you, we hear your pain, we understand you. You will find peace and comfort, please do not give up.🙏🙏🙏
So glad to hear you had one on one conversations from this kind community. It is a hard road. I know I got worse for a time before getting better and that was helpful for me to hear from someone during my confusing time. I still don’t know what combination of trial and error started working for me to turn the corner, slowly. Ride on the coat tails of others here until you have improvement. Antidepressants/anxiety can be a very good thing. I don’t know why I was fighting it. I started recently and it has been good for me. Keep posting 🥰.
Thank you for your kind reply. I think accepting that I would take an anti-depressant (although I don't start on it until tomorrow) has been strangely liberating. Yes, I won't find out if/when the anxiety or depression lifts thanks to the B12 injections, but at the moment I don't have the luxury of waiting.
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