I cannot tell you how much the Arts have played in my life. My Father painted with oils, my Mother liked watercolors and sculpting in clay. My older brother John, whose Artwork I featured on my own Artwork page: facebook.com/pages/Psycho-E... is an exceptional Artist with varying degrees of expertise in many aspect of the Art world. My older sister was a wonderful actress, singer and dancer. All my life I have been writing poetry, painting, and sculpting in clay. I thought everybody spent thier summers visiting the new exhibits at the Art Museum, exploring every corner of the science museum, or watching the local theatrical troupe put on plays in the park on the warm summer nights.
Poetry has always been my first love. It is so much an extension of myself, giving the feelings of a shy, overweight girl a voice. My words made me stand out among 6 siblings! I have written thousands of poems exposing my soul, my inner most feelings, my self doubt and my dreams of the future. Then, everything changed...
Living with Parkinson's Disease means I am no longer the person I once was, and I know it, and it pisses me off! My body no longer listens to what my mind tells it to do. Those poignant, witty remarks that use to flow off my tongue during a conversation, are now silent. I can no longer complete the Sunday crossword puzzle or concentrate long enough to read my favorite authors. I walk slowly and sometimes stop unexpectedly as the connection from my brain to my legs disconnects. The wait for the reconnect seem endless as those around me ignore, avoid,or stare blatantly at the weirdo blocking the isle. I pretend not to care, but I do, I care a lot. I have lost my freedom. No longer able to drive myself to the mall or to visit friends, I have to depend on the kindness of friends and family.
I now suffer from memory loss and confusion, I endure incredible pain, I run into walls, trip over things, have an unsteady and wobbly gate which have brought accusations of drunkenness,(I do not drink), and I appear to be unhappy with everyone and everything. And yet, through all the frustration and unhappiness this disease brings to my life, I could never express enough the Love I feel for the man who manages to look past all the ugliness of this unrelenting disease and Love me anyway. For all the wonderful caregivers out there who feel unappreciated and overwhelmed, please know that We Love You. We may not be able to express our Love for You the way we, or you , would like but it's there and it's big and full of hugs, kisses, kind words, thank yous, smiles, hand holdings and the strength of our relationship. To "My Robert" who seems to love me unconditionally, I just want to say "Thank You" for always being here! You are my Hero!
Sometimes it takes something terrible to make you see what is really important.