Glasgow Patter on A bus

Went to see my GP today at 9.40 am my daughter Lauren droped me off befor she went to her work, once finnished with the Dr i decided that as it is a typical day weather wise in Glasgow ie heavy rain and strong winds i would venture in to Glasgow City center by Bus, now i have not been on a bus for over 30years, so on i poped , very shaky and by this time desheveld and wet, got my ticket and went to sit up stairs ( don't know why) i fell up most the stairs as the driver moved off, not bad i thought, sat down and put my ipod on to listen to my friends new album, after about 10 mins the bus stopped out side Glasgow's Barlinnie prison or aka ( The Big Hoose) at the stop was all i can discribe as some local glasgow worthies just relised from prison, nouthing unusuall therr i tought to my self , then they all trooped up the stairs singing and dancing as to celibrate there freedom , once seated they dully rolled up a few joint's , now i know what a joint smells like as i hate the smell of cigarets, .

One of the party noticed me and came bounding over to offer me a joint, i am shaking like a jelly by now not of fear just PD, i decliend and he sat next to me , then out came the carry out ( Glasgow Slang for drink) a few bottels of Buckfast ( A tonic wine adopted by the local drunks ) once more i was offerd a wee swally ( Drink) agin i refused and told the guy it was too early for me , amaging my thoughts as he said ( well pall look like your an alky any way, look at ye shakin fae heed ta toe, you must have been on a bender yer sell .

i tryed to expliain what was wrong with me , he did not understand just laught and moved set, as i got up to leave the bus i fell flat on my face , all the guys just out of jail gave me a round of appluse and wishe me good luck.

Just a day in Glasgow hope this put's a smile an you faces as you read this.

For my self i just cracked up very funny

5 Replies

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  • Thank ye.

  • that is very very funny al - i just loved the accents and the bit about you falling flat on your face whilst the cons thought you were a lush - keep em comin xx

  • Yes, it did make me smile. Thanks, you're a real storyteller, shades of the Big Yin himself. I wonder whether any of our friends from across the ocean understood the lingo? They are missing a lot if not.

  • Thanks for a great story. Made me laugh. I remember the first time someone suggested my coffee might help me sober up. Hadn't had a drink for years.Can only chuckle. Reminded me not to take things too seriously. Thanks

  • Been to my local village pub today, to watch the football, all was going fine my team got beeten by Kilmarnock, had a few wee beers , fell of a bar stool split my head open , and stagerd back home , what a niceday, My wife went off her head, As for my head i have a lump the sise of an orange and a small cut above my left eye , ah Parkinsons's !!!

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