Not Again

I did it again

And the moment,

the very second

The words came

Out of my mouth

I could feel my

Heart drop

To my stomach.

Oh God!

The accusations

That you just

Don’t care

Seem to hang

In the air

The stench of

My lies making

Me gag.

I don’t mean it

Surely you know

how much

I love you

I have never had

A love like this

I don’t know why

I can’t get the

Right words to

Come out

I don’t know

Who I am

Anymore.

This disease,

This damn disease

Is taking away

My voice.

I don’t want

To speak

Any more

Unsure of

What stupidity

May lay dormant

In my brain

Just waiting

For the chance

To fuck up my life.

I don’t want

To hurt you

You are my life

My strength

And if I have

to edit

And censor

Every thought

Before they leave

My mouth

I will

And in the end

If my words

Turn cruel

And I say

Or do

Hurtful things

Will you be able

To forgive

To believe that

It’s not me,

not me at all,

but the results

Of this damn disease.

I’m afraid,

Afraid you’ll

Tire of me

And my disease.

The changes in me

Taking their toll.

Even now I fight

Back the tears.

It’s all too much

For me

My frustration grows.

And I feel lost.

I can only hope

You will be

Stronger than me.

I love you Babe!

Jupiterjane

11 Replies

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  • Oh so well written from our heart, so emotional I do not know what to say, You are in love and I am sure it is returned xxx

  • i AM SURE WE ALL FEEL LIKE THIS AT TIMES, BUT CANNOT EXPRESS IT AS WELL AS YOU HAVE. THANK YOU.

  • I hear u.... it is bad enuf... our mind is a mess... no o ne understands the extent.....huggsss

  • Wow. Jane, your poetry just continues to amaze me... it's like an arrow straight to the heart. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) I live alone (and have for many, many years) so there is no one close by on whom to vent my "you-just-don't-care" rants right when I feel them... so they have time to calm down before I talk w/anyone toward whom the rant(s) might be directed. But I sure do feel them, and your writing(s) serve to put things down on paper (well, ok, cyber paper) in a way that I can't, and never will be able to, accomplish. Please continue to share your oh-so-insightful writing(s) with us!

    George

  • Jane, I've had days when I feel like you do. You patch into the soul and say what I feel about this crazy life.

  • Thank u

  • Jane,

    You are truly a talented poet. I can feel your emotions through your words. Please continue to delight us with your poems!

  • Wow! Powerful poem. Your words scare me but give a sense of peace. It is hard to explain -but that my husband was diagnosed 4 years ago. Some days it is not as obvious but others. It is "in my face". I worry that I wont know how to handle what is coming. But your poetry reminds me that is a two person - journey

  • Thank You All for your kind words and for a place to express myself!

  • Your writings should be in book form distributed by Parkinson's Association.

    ~~Dennis

  • fits me so well........ thank you for sharing Jane.

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