Home alone

My husband has gone to London for three days leaving me to fend for myself. He has gone on business and so it is really important that I don't make it difficult for him to leave me . I just feel that that would be so wrong because he works to keep us going and to make it hard for him on top of what he is already doing for us is unfair. I told him to think about me is a good thing but not to worry about me because I will be just fine. I can't and I won't make him feel guilty that he leaves me. He wishes that he could stay with me every day to help it must be torturous to leave the one you love for 10+ hours a day when all you want to do is to be there.

It is also not good for either of us for me to tell him I'll be okay and then fall apart the moment he goes. That won't help either of us. So I don't just tell him it's going to be okay I have to make it okay.

So this week I am going swimming I am going to stay with a girlfriend and I am keeping genuinely busy until he returns. It's the least I can do to make sure I am happy and active and focused on staying well for him. In return he makes our world safe and secure that when you are ill is priceless. I may become dependent but I won't become demanding. I may find things taxing as I won't become tiresome.

It is crucial for me for him to leave a happy wife in the morning and come home to a happy wife at night.

If I have had a particularly challenging week I try to talk about it at the weekend when we both have time. It easier then to try and find a better way of dealing with what ever problem it was.

I'm not perfect and sometimes I simply need him whatever he is doing. We have an agreement that he will come to me irrespective of his commitments if it is an emergency. I have only needed to call in that once in eight years together.

I respect and admire the way he has handled this situation and my Parkinson's . I am determined to make sure that I remain the woman he loves for the rest of my life. He deserves that.



32 Replies

  • Thank you so much for posting that. It has helped me more than you can know. I've been a huge grump the last 36 hours. Oh - impeccably polite to my work colleagues and passing strangers, but an A1 misery to my husband who, like yours, is so patient and kind. My Parkinson's has been particularly irritating the last couple of days - I'm very 'fumbly' and everything takes four times as long. So my behaviour has been horrid, indeed, I've spent the evening sulking in my room, in a manner more seemly for my teenage daughter.

    So, thank you for reminding me of my obligation to behave at least as courteously to my lovely husband as I do to the man in the corner shop! I will certainly be needing him for longer.

  • Oh I'm the fumbling queen, horrid isn't it. So frustrating.

  • Hi Eva here. I had just written a long reply to you Collene and Stevie3 and it disappeared !! That's not the first time that's happened, so now I need to rest before I start over again.

    ❤️🌺👍 Eva

  • So annoying. I write my posts in Word document and then copy and paste them into this forum.

  • If you go to docs.google.com you can start a document. It is saved as you type so you never lose anything.

    If you look under tools you will find Voice Typing.

    It works very well.

    If it does not understand what you say it will retype based on what it did understand.

    You need a good microphone and a quiet place to use it.

    Then you just copy the text and paste it in your post

    ctrl a will select all of your text

    ctrl c Will copy what you select

    ctrl v will paste it

  • If you go to docs.google.com you can start a document. It is saved as you type so you never lose anything.

    If you look under tools you will find Voice Typing.

    It works very well.

    If it does not understand what you say it will retype based on what it did understand.

    You need a good microphone and a quiet place to use it.

    Then you just copy the text and paste it in your post

    ctrl a will select all of your text

    ctrl c Will copy what you select

    ctrl v will paste it

  • oh...bum...go on you know that's what you want to say...we've all been there haven't we...guys and guyesses

  • Oh! Please be careful swimming. I read on HUP where a PWP nearly drowned.

  • Yes I am exceptionally careful. I don't go alone and I have ordered a life jacket.

  • Hi Colleen

    You have done it again. I wish I could be more like you. I shall try and take a leaf out of your book.

    The main difference is that my husband does not understand how rotten Parkinsons can make you feel. If I am honest he doesn't want to. I always knew he couldn't be a carer. It is not his fault. Luckily, I am able to do most things myself, albeit a little slowly. When my cousin , who had Parkinsons, was ill, her husband was the same.

    However, he has always said he would not offer help, but would give it readily, if asked. And this he does.

    We have been married 45 years so something must be right. I have been very lucky in that so far my Parkinsons is advancing slowly. However, this may not always be the case.

    My husband has just come in to see what I am doing and I read a little of what I have written. His answer was the same as always - he is doing it for me. I have to accept him as he is and he has to accept me for what I am.

    Stay safe.

    By the way I was never a swimmer, but now I am unable to get my feet on to the bottom of the pool I was once on a days cruise and this happened in the sea. The captain of the boat jumped in and rescued me. But that is another story.

  • Caring and being a carer are of course two different things. Better to have the first in a husband then the second me thinks. I am heeding all the warnings about swimming. 😃

  • I am learning to rest when my guy is not around. By nature I would keep overly busy and all that gets me now is more "off" time . I also want to continue to be happy, enjoyable company for him. It is hard because he sees me at my most challenged because we are fortunate to be together most daya

  • Happy and enjoyable exactly 😃

  • Swimming is the best exercise you can do when you have limited mobility.

    Once you have built up your stamina and built some muscle you may be able to add some light weight training. If you can it will help develop you core and i believe that is very important to helping you do your every day chores.

    I know my workouts have improved my out look and my ability to make through the day. Before i started CrossFit i could only mow the yard for about 30 minutes at a time using a riding lawn tractor. then i would have to take a break for 30 minutes. I have two acres to mow and it takes me about 3 hours to mow and weed eat it. Now i can do it with out stopping. I do it and am not even tired.

    Today at CrossFit i did 30 sit ups 30 back extensions, 50 wall balls 300 jump ropes, dead lifted 375 pounds 5 times, Rowed 1000 meters, i used a 125 pound barbell and cleaned it 10 times , Back squatted it 10 times , over head pressed it 20 times, front squatted it 10 times. Did 15 wall squats, walked 200 meters and did 20 box jumps.

    Not bad for a 62 year old man with 10 years of PD.

    I do something similar 5 or 6 days a week. The workout on Saturday is usually longer and harder.

  • I'm exhausted just reading that ! But I truly understand the importance of an exercise regime with his condition. I am starting to do my best by moving more and yes swimming agrees with me. You would never have got me to the gym when I was Hilsea so there is no chance of getting me to the gym now. However I am going to continue to find things that I love that make me more mobile such as table tennis and striding up a steep Hill when I can. Only things that I love hold my attention. Bravo to you 😃

  • Crossfit is done in a group with every one cheering you on. I enjoy the people as much or more than the exercise.

    Most of the time there are 8 or 10 ladies and maybe 4 guys.

    The instructor is a 40 year old lady.

    What can i say i am a man. LOL

    By the way they enjoy looking too.

    We all comment on each other's body parts.

    Size and shape men and ladies.

  • Bailey, you sound like my husband. I am in awe at both of you for your persistent and dedication to living with Parkinson's without letting it determine your entire life. I do understand it is not easy. My husband also insists on mowing and maintaining our 1 1/2 acre yard, he continues to do household chores with me most of the time, and enjoys riding his stationary bike. He does have days when he shuts down; the best I can do for him then is to let him rest and keep the stress level as low as possible.

    We recently joined a gym again, and he works out on weights--he's starting slowly so as to not injure himself. He has always been very physically fit. He has taken Tai Chi, classes too, which helped with his core. He also plays his guitar at home...a lot!...and he jams once a week at bar downtown. All of those activities help him tremendously! Apparently, exercise and music are two of the best activities for keeping the Parkinson's at bay. When he starts to "slip" a little, he takes physical and occupational therapy.

    He is 59 years old and was diagnosed with PD almost eight years ago. We retired in 2011, and he is so much healthier now. When he was working, there were evenings he could barely walk from the car to the bedroom, and then he would have to sleep for an hour or so. I am not saying he is 100%; we all know that isn't possible. I know what things are difficult for him and do them myself, and I help with little things like putting on his coat and buttoning his shirt. He prefers to do it himself, so I try not to help too much.

    Maybe exercise is the key to staying as healthy as possible, physically and mentally. I wish you the best, Bailey.

  • thanks

  • I am seriously impressed and inspired 👍

  • Hi Colleen

    Have just had this posted so have not had time to read it yet. However, I thought you may be interested.

    Out-Thinking Parkinsons


    Hope it is interesting,

  • I appreciate what you're saying but nobody can be happy all the time, and I hope you have the freedom to have the blues sometimes and not feel guilty! That is part of the normal range of human feelings.

    Now having said that, I must confess I never want anyone to see me in a down mood!

    Sometimes I envy you guys with a life partner. I so often wish I had someone of my own era to yack with around the house, at least part of the time.

  • Oh I completely agree I have highs and lows and I am by no means perfect. I guess what I really mean is I continue to make an effort even if sometimes if it is not enough to make me happy is just enough to show I'm trying.

  • You win the Blue Ribbon! (Is that an Americanism or is there a Blue Ribbon in the UK too?) I find it easier to sulk less if there is another human being to consider, but it's still a challenge, ha.

  • Oh! About your profile picture -- Go to that green bar at the top of the page, the one with "Health Unlocked" in white on the left.

    Next to "Health Unlocked" you should find your current photo, then your user ID name. If you click on your name, a drop-down menu will appear. It lists News feed, Profile, Messages, People near me, Account and Log out. Click on "Profile."

    You'll find your profile photo spread wide across the top of the page, with a little circular version inserted. All the way to the right in small letters, you'll see "Edit profile." Click on that.

    An "Upload" button will appear on the big picture and on the small round one. Click on the button and upload the photo of your choice. You can upload a new photo over both pictures or either one.

    Lastly, scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on the orange button that says "Save changes." Voila!

  • What a totally inspirational posting, thank you. You guys are clearly made for each other.

  • Nah I just like him !!!

  • Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, you are very wise :)

  • My wife of 45 years just listens to me talk about my PD does not offer any advice because she can not begin to know how I feel I don't think anyone not even another PWP . PD is so different for every one. I love that she listens it is the best thing she can do for me.

    Being sick with PD is a new world for me because i have never been sick except maybe 5 colds and the flu 1 time in my entire life. I took that for granted. Now i have had the mumps when i was little and the measels but i do not remember them. The only time i have been in the hospital was when i was 4 or 5 years old they took out my tonsils and adenoids out just for the hell of it.

    She has her own problems. She has had Migrains from the time she was 10.

    I have always listened to her about her problems and did what ever she asked me to. I have taken care of her and her me for 45 tears. WE married young me 17 and her 15 wand we just grew up together. we had our first child when i was 19 abd she was 17 and our second 2 years later. Sorry about the long reply just felt like sharing

  • This is a great place for sharing as everyone in part has some understanding of what is being said.

  • I think your husband may be home soon. I hope you've been able to enjoy your time alone. You seem to be a pretty strong person. My husband of 51 years used to travel for business too but now he is retired and since having rotator cuff surgery does not play golf every Tuesday & Thursday. It's been fun having him home all the time but he just started going back with his group to just do putting at each hole. In a month or so he'll be back playing regularly I think. Do you like to read? On the Michael J. Fox site I noticed a blog entry that reported reading was very good for PD because it put your brain in some sort of trance. It was written some time back.

  • Henderson-Haywood, as a slightly counter balancing side of the story, the view from the other person's perspective, I think you will enjoy this written by my carer: outthinkingparkinsons.com/a...

  • Thank you for taking the trouble to reply, I shall indeed read over the weekend

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