a friend in need

please excuse the lack of punctuation but I am using audio type againand I haven't yet discovered how to instruct the system if it's possible to put a full stop comma or capital maybe I should read the instructions!!

Parkinson's has made me examine all facets of my life in micro detail I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one I'm trying to make it a good one.

amongst my ponderingsI have lately been thinking a lot about friendships. friendships naturally change I have found and growing up I have found that sometimes paths join and stay together sometime they join and then they grow apart. I don't grieve this I just view it as for it's time.

but with Parkinson's it's not the friendship that changes it's you and as a consequence things are different.

if you are fiercely independent and proud as most of us are it's very difficult to change the dependency within a friendship. most of my Close friendships are on an equal footing or they have been now that has changed dramatically. now my physical status has forced me to redefine what I need from my friendships. 90% of this change is practical but I am loath to move the boundaries in fear of the loss of the balance.

can I pick you up has turned into you'll have to pick me up

what shall we do today has turned into this is all I can do today

and invariably I always need help.

I spoke at length to my husband about this at the weekend and he concluded as follows. if the shoe was on the other foot what would you do you wouldn't question it would you? you are still a great person to be around does it not occur to you that they want to see you anyway.

that was good to hear.


19 Replies

  • Dear Colleen;

    I love using speech to write a text.

    When I am finished with a sentence I simply say. And as you can see that. Is there.

    When I need a, I simply say, there you can see it.

    When I need a new line I simply say

    And there it is

    Still there are things that sneak in, or should I say words. When that happens, I stop the spoken word, and go in and correct it manually.

    That is an interesting discourse on friendship you are giving us today.

    I hang with 8 to 10 very wonderful girlfriends. Today after church over lunch, I fell asleep. Because of my mothers death and the following Stress through grieving, I am taking extra clonopen. After eating the wonderful lunch with my friends I went to sleep.

    When they realize what was going on they said let's go and took me home and saw walk me safety to the door. Not for a minute do I doubt that they will either be by my side. And that is a good thing, because I do not have any family in town.

    Well my friend, I am falling asleep speaking with you, so I will bid you good night and sleep well.

    Lovinglt, Eva G


  • Sweet dreams 😃

  • I like reading your posts.

    True friends are there for you and care for you. They are like family. All relationships evolve and change as do we. Your husband is spot on.

    On using your program when you come to the end of a sentence just say period and it will add a period and start a new sentence with a capitol. If you say period new line it will add a period and start a new paragraph.

    Hope this helps

  • When I called my two grownup sons to my house to tell them about my diagnosis which as far as they were concerned came completely out of the blue when I was 69, they said "But you'll still be the same person Mum". It makes me cry every time I think of it because it was just the right thing to say. True friends would feel the same way.

    I have been equally lucky with friends and acquaintances - no one has changed or struck a discordant or over-solicitous note note except surprisingly the one person who might have been expected to get it right This is someone whose parents were told she would never walk etc. etc. (two kinds of cerebral palsy) who I admire a great deal for her tenacity in pursuing a degree and holding down a responsible job in local government. Perhaps it is because she is much younger than me.

    When I say no one has changed, of course, I mean that one man was as gobsmackingly tactless as he always is, giving me an account of the rapid decline of his mother-in-law with PD which amused me no end and one lady burst into tears and said you will end up in a wheelchair. But when you know people and value them for other qualities this doesn't matter. I know that from her work as a carer she will have only encountered people at the end of the road and it did not phase me. As I am divorced and have no relatives apart from my two sons and grandsons it is good to have a network of friends, quirks and all, and the fact that five have sadly fallen victims to cancer within the last three years makes me realise how lucky I am at 76 to be alive and functioning well despite a number of long-term conditions .

    Time will tell how I will fare when unable to drive.

    I seem to have gone a bit.

  • What a lovely, sensible, sensitive husband.

    Do you have a local branch of Parkinson's U.K. nearby? You should find lots of support there, with people who will recognise you, as yourself, despite the Parkinson's. Your healthy friends would also be made welcome.

  • Yes I'm sure there is, thank you for thinking of me. My support is right here with this forum it's perfect and has proved itself once more!

  • I love what you say and agree with you all the way. Aren't we both lucky in our choice of husbands and friends. And my daughters too are fantastic. When you use voice recognition I believe you just say "comma" and it inserts one - in the UK it also speaks English so use "full stop" not "period"!

  • thx for sharing - good perspective. esp. ur 2nd last paragraph - really hits home!

  • I feel very similarly regarding the changes with friendships. So many people just do not know much about the symptoms and how they affect daily life. The tremor is all they know. It is hard to be able to get people to understand that although I am the same, I am not the same. In my life some friends and family who have depended on my strength are sort of in denial that I can remain the same, since I look ok (in some ways).

  • For CHH

    When the sun shines I enjoy it

    When the rain falls I employ it

    When the wind howls I hold tighter

    When thunder growls are you a fighter?

    My answer yells always yes, I am

    For I am the Winter Leaf, shaking, my fist

    And I do well remember the summer's warmth

    Children's laughter warm lover's kisses

    And always yes, yes your sweet smile

    For I am the Winter Leaf

    holding on for dear life

  • Thanks CHH and Hubby to CHH. I needed to hear that. LLWWD

  • Your absolutely right, friendships do come and go and we must accept what we can not change. For example we have had a couples friendship with another couple for over 33 years. I had not yet told them about my PD yet because I was not comfortable with it yet. It was summertime and I went outside to bring coffee and dessert when my husband called me back inside. He asked if I had been drinking because the wife had asked if I had because she noticed my slurred speech and my balance was way off, she even suggested that maybe he should cut me off! My husband then informed her that I had Parkinson's and was just about to tell them but he was so very offended that they thought I was drunk that he blurted it out! To this date, over 2 years later our relationship is not the same. No apologies offered, no phone calls iniated by them, all calls have been by me! I think that they are embarrassed! Maybe it can be repaired but it will have to come from them as I don't anymore what to say!

    Another instance are friends who we haven't seen in at least 15 years we ran into and we both said why haven't we been in touch! No one had an answer to that, yet we now see them on a regular basis, we just were at different points in our lives! It now seems like we've never skipped a beat and it makes no never mind about Parkinson's!!

    So one never knows does one?

  • Thank you CHH.

    Love reading your posts. You are amazing. Who would not want to spend time with you ?

  • Now I'm blushing 😄

  • Your insights are incredibly honest and your language has a natural elegance that is both calming and engaging -- and for me, fosters an honest reckoning with myself.

  • That's a very kind thing to say, and truly appreciated. Thank you.

  • Hi Colleen

    Its me again. I agree that this Site gives me all I need. I have not been to any meetings as I had a cousin with Parkinsons (who has since sadly died) I felt that this was not the right road for me. Some 'friends' gradually disappeared, others stuck by me and I actually made some new friends. After eight years I am beginning to see people who I have not seen for ages returning. I am a very private person, which is not always good when Parkinsons makes you need to accept help.

    My husband does not offer help, but always gives it when I ask. In fact, he pushes me to do as much as I can. He knows me too well.

    What I really wanted to say is please continue posting. I love your posts as, I suppose, I see bits of myself in them. I just wish I was as strong and focussed as you appear to be, Thanks, again.


  • Sue

    You are always so thoughtful and kind with your comments, it would be wrong not to stay strong and motivated in light of such words and encouragement. Once more my sincere thanks.

  • Good comment- thinkitappliestoanyifusPwP

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