I don't like wanting to put a year behind me, but I am so pleased to watch 15 fade. There were of course many magical moments, days with friends, laughter and kindness. However a hideous scar cuts deeply, leaving in it's trail a wake of blackness and despair.
As I desperately tried to cling onto my life my fingers slipped and I fell. No one saw me, it was invisible. No one could hear my silent screams. No one came, because I didn't call. Until it was nearly too late. I stood on that abyss for a long time, not even knowing I was there. One thing and one thing alone has saved me. A man. So compassionate, so honourable, so noble. He watched a monster consume me without knowing how to help, or what to do. Then through the tiniest of cracks as it all crashed down around me I held out my hand. He recognised it, it was his wife's.
I'm getting better, it's a long painful and slow process. I have my sleep back, I am finding my self again, I am so grateful.
Illness throws up many challenges. I never expected to have to fight to save my sanity, but that was on the line.
The drugs we take can do untold damage, I understand and know I was a victim.
I won't spend my time consumed with blame, injustice, or self hate. I have an apology for the untold damage, full responsibility taken for what happened to me and that's enough. I have helped to set up a water tight procedure to ensure it does not happen again. Line drawn.
I'm busy getting my life back, letting it go, and looking ahead.
Thank you to those who have helped me so very much. And to everyone your compassion tolerance and patience is deeply appreciated.
Peace & gratitude