Memoriam question deleted

I decided to remove the question after now regretting the controvosy it was causing. Sorry to those offended by the idea and sorry to those who thought it was a good idea. Rgds Paul x

[Whippit]

I really hope Angie will post soon. Best wishes. Annie

[Hidden]

Crikey Paul - please don't apologise. Anyone is entitled to voice an idea. It would be really awful if people were dissuaded from posting for fear of causing offence. You and Angie are both very welcome and valued members of this group.

Monique x

[Hidden]

Great discussion though, and how great is freedom of speech? or is there ? just goes to show the diversity of us all...thank you Paul best wishes love x G x

[Hidden]

Paul, you raised a very interesting question, and even if we couldn't all agree it made us all think a little bit harder about the issue and, in a way, that did honour to those we have lost. So thank you for putting your suggestion on the table.

All the best to you and Angie

Linda xx

[jan50]

I agree, no need to apologise Paul. I think what your blog raised and identified, along with a couple of recent blogs I wrote regarding raising funds for Ovacome in memory of our friends is that many members feel a need to mark the passing of other members in some way. Also, that we probably need to retain this site as a place of support and friendship and positivity in the face of the traumas of dealing with OC. It can make depressing reading when we hear of another death. I can understand how some may feel that a memoriam page would not be fitting here, though I myself wouldn't have a problem with that. I do think we need somewhere to record and keep the memories of our friends though.

In my recent blogs there was lots of support for a link to just giving or virgin money giving as a way to donate when we have lost someone. I personally feel that this is a way of doing something positive when faced with sad news. lets face it we all benefit form using the site and support of Ovacome and donating is also a way of acknowledging that. I think, and it has been suggested on my blogs, that if we had a permanent just giving or virgin giving page in memory of our friends, we could leave our messages there, donations can be as little or as much as people want to give, and can be anonymous. This would be a permanent reminder for people to look at if they wish, and of course for their families. I have already spoken to Ovacome and health unlocked about this, at present there isn't a way to do this (though health unlocked did hint that there may be in future so watch this space!) , we would really need a direct link from this page to the just giving or virgin money page specifically.

So, I think in principal your idea was good, its really a case of the where's and how's, but if we keep shouting I am sure Ovacome and health unlocked will take it on board.

Love to Sandra x

love

Jan x

[Hidden]

There was always going to be for and against views, even my wife was in the against camp and I was under pressure to remove it from her. I still think its a good idea to leave tributes in a dedicated place. Rgds And thanks for taking part. Paul xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oops. Sorry for getting Sandra's name wrong.

L

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

No problem xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oops me too !

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Now it all makes sense (it didn't before) aaaahhh my brain hurts LOL love x G x

[Whippit in reply to Hidden]

That's interesting - that a blog posted jointly didn't reflect two opposing views. I didn't intend to be unfriendly earlier - just to say that I'd really like to get to know Sandra.

[Hidden in reply to Whippit]

Hi Annie Actually,

You started me off wondering who is Angie.. Doh! .....Not realising you meant Sandra.... and I think you caused a chain reaction because everyone after you called her Angie as well Doh! Cor I was utterly confused (I know it doesn't take much) was this a genuine mistake or was it April Fool? teehee.

Anyway I don't think Paul's blog was joint (and neither is this one) So his blog reflects his views (not Sandra's) just saying....

Love x G x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm off to the silly blog xx

[Whippit in reply to Hidden]

My blogs and comments are also my own opinions. I just got confused about the two husbands who post and it always seems that Paul signs his blogs off Paul and Sandra so it was interesting to know whose opinion was posted up.

[Hidden in reply to Whippit]

Hummm you got me there Annie, (scratching my head) to be fair there is not a single blog or question that is signed off "Paul and Sandra" but he does refer to Sandra in his blogs i.e. mentions her as others do when they are talking about their mums etc ..perhaps you are mixing him up with someone else?

Hey!! I've no wish to get up your nose LOL

Love x G x

[Whippit in reply to Hidden]

Dear Eira Gwyn

You don't get up my nose. Far from it. love Annie x

[Hidden in reply to Whippit]

Hi Annie, just to clarify that in 99% of case my blogs are my opinions hence signed off by me, sometimes Sandra has an input in which case i,ll sign it as joint. Hope that clears up any confusion. Rgds Paul xx

[Whippit in reply to Hidden]

Thanks, Annie

[Hidden in reply to Whippit]

It did not make sense to raise an idea if it was considered a bad idea hence why Sandra,s view was not discussed. I still think its a good idea but hey, Sandra was probably right for me to remove the debate before it got out of hand. Rgds Paul xx

[osborne1963]

hi Paul,

You are very very sweet and thoughtful to have made the suggestion. It speaks for itself that you are a kind and sensitive man and more men ought to be like you. I, however, am of the 'against' camp. This is because I get so incredibly upset when someone on the forum passes away (because one gets so fond of people even though we haven't met in person and two is the obvious which is: 'am I next?'. So in other words it would trigger off negative thoughts in my head which I could do without. It is such an ordeal to get through the day without bursting tears that I must focus on my mental health. Sorry though. I don't mean to sound ungrateful.

Jackie xxx

[Hidden in reply to osborne1963]

I appreciate your thoughts love Paul xx

[thehusband]

As another husband that posts - i thought, as i said before, it was a good idea, but i can see why some would be not so keen........but still an interesting idea which Ovacome may find a solution for somehow away from the 'day to day' site, so that you dont have to see it unless you purposely log in to 'wherever' to do so......

[Hidden in reply to thehusband]

Which is why I suggested a dedicated tab on the menu bar then you choose to open it or not, I was a bit miffed that those against the idea were quick to leave a tribute when we hear of a member friend who has lost the fight. It could all be done on a seperate page. A fitting tribute to the families and their spouses. We have it now but it gets lost on the blog page after a few days, I was,nt asking for anything differant, just a dedicated menu page. I took the question away because it became highly emmotive. Rgds Paul

[Hidden]

Regarding the comment above....

I feel I should attempt to add balance here, I thought it was a good idea to have a seperate blog for announcing the loss of our friends, I am the only one that writes a tribute, other people then choose to add a comment or not, they can also choose to read it or not, so it isn't the case that the ones that were quick to leave a tribute were the ones that objected, we could also argue that the people in favour (or suggested this) never leaves a comment on a tribute blog, but this isn't the case either, having checked the tributes I have myself written...

I feel there was a balance of both (for and against)...this leads me to ask the question "do people want a tribute written in the first place?"

My feeling is (and it is only my opinion) that there was an objection to there being a "permanent memorial" so that people might always find the need to post their loss year in and year out, we all know that grief doesn't go away (and everyone deals with this in different ways) but we are struggling to live with this disease so it will be a constant reminder of the loss of our friends (not that we need reminding) so in principle the idea of having a separate thread to be informed at the time of the loss is a good idea, but there are two different things here... (1) an announcement (2) in memoriam...one being a one off, the other being ongoing.

I do hope I haven't caused confusion or upset here... it certainly isn't my intention.

Love to all x G x

[Becalm]

Dear All

I think I am among those who did not favour the 'in memoriam' slot.Partly because very few if any of us are not aware of the significance of our health condition and do not need too many reminders. Also - I think we all realise that while this web site's support and informati0n is very important and relied upon people are really living through this illness with the help,of their own families and friends - i.e.we need to be modest in our expectations of our significance. And lastly - what about the family of the person whose passing does not elicit much in memoriam comment?

I wonder if the outcome being hoped for could be achieved to some extent if Ovacome encouraged its becoming the charity named for giving in lieu of funeral flowers. I was very interested to see that one of the ovarian cancer charities will accept the bequest of your car for its funds. This seems a good idea to me - but then my car is an old banger!

I hope these comments will not be controversial - above all I would not want to underestimate the importance of the support this site gives and the efforts of those who give a lot of time to it.

Best belated Easter wishes to All - Bunty.

[Hidden in reply to Becalm]

Hi Bunty,

Speaking as one who has had a poor prognosis (life expectancy of six months) and come out the other side (but still with a cloud of uncertainty and wondering how long) I can only say the response that I have had (privately) from the families of the tributes that I have written.. they have been received with gratitude that we should think so highly of that person...(it is their choice to respond or not) as far as them not eliciting a comment I have found on the tributes I have written this hasn't been the case...some of us choose to comment and some of us choose not to.... it isn't indicative of anyone's prognosis but an individual's choice.

I feel if it was on a separate thread we could choose to read it or not.. thus doing away with it being on a regular blog sandwiched between happy and sad but then again perhaps we should have a seperate "Happy blog" (now there's a thought)

I do truly see both sides of this discussion though.

And a Happy Belated Easter to You too lots of love x G x

[Hidden]

Hi, perhaps my phrase memoriam was misleading. I also misinterpreted the term tribute. I wanted a seperate page when a family member announces a bereavement then the tributes and messages of sorrow that follow are all kept to a dedicated page. I doubt very much if reminders are recorded each and evry year as its quite likely those families move away from reading site in due course. Hope this clears up any confusion. Love Paul x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I so agree Paul and I still think it is good idea, thank you for you input and responding so favourably... love to you both x G x