having a lot of 'the blues' while on chemo, crying if anyone asks how I am. I find this really embarrassing. Is anyone else having this and how do you cope.

[cathysal]

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[Cadbury]

The way you are feeling is very common. It is a reaction to the effects of the toxic drugs and the shock of the diagnosis. I finished chemo 6 months ago and found that I burst into tears at almost anything, often without warning.

I could not cope with intrusive questions, especially from people whom I felt had little insight. I got an answer phone to fend off the phone calls. I found that it was far too much of a strain talking to people about the diagnosis and treatment. I could only cope with one set of emotions and that was my own. I felt much better when I limited the number of people with whom I had contact. That way, I felt more relaxed and better able to cope. There are no easy answers, except to say that you will regain your equilibrium once the chemo is over. You are going through a very challenging time. How you feel is completely normal.

Best wishes

Isabelle

[beckyh in reply to Cadbury]

Hi Cathysal,

First of all sorry you have found yourself with ovca - it's a really hard place to be. I was just as you describe and like Cadbury am six months out of chemo and I still burst into tears and still find some situations really hard to deal with.

I put my emotional state down to a surgically induced menopause, the stress of a cancer diagnosis and all that goes with it. At my recent checkup my surgeon (who is wonderful) reduced me to tears because he was so nice. How sad am I? However, it does get better and I think it's okay to feel emotional, after all going through major surgery and chemo isn't exactly the best party to be at!

Take a day at a time, keep the kleenex handy and stop being embarrassed -you're in good company.

Big hugs for the rest of your treatment.

Becky

[Guinevere in reply to Cadbury]

I find that I can still get teary at certain triggers to do with this cancer 8 years on ... especially if people are kind/understanding or I meet another 'survivor'. It creates such a wealth of traumatic emotion when you are diagnosed, have the radical hysterectomy and chemo and then the uncertainty of recurrence ... I think it is normal that you/one retains heightened emotions about it which are re-triggered by certain memories/thoughts. I recently randomly met a woman of over 70 who had been in remission for 22 years and had been treated at the same hospital as myself and we had a long hug and a cry even though we didn't know each other at all - it was a recognition of the suffering we had both endured ...

[cathysal in reply to Cadbury]

Thank you for your reply. I guess it's something I just have to work through like everything else that's going on. It's difficult when you've always been the calm, sensible one and I feel like I'm putting a huge burden on my family and friends with these constant tears whenever they ask how I am. Hopefully only one chemo to go before the surgery which, all going well, would mean several weeks before I have the next three rounds of chemo and I can maybe regain some of my normal state of mind!

[cathysal in reply to Cadbury]

Thank you ALL for your replies. I am so glad I found this site. At this stage in my treatment it is heartening to hear of people surviving this for many years as am I sure you all know it feels so often like you just can't go on. The emotions are definitely worst when people are kind and I'm sort of dreading seeing the consultant after the scan to see how the chemo has worked as like Becky's surgeon, he is wonderful. I'll have so many questions - just hope I can be coherent, maybe just write everything down and get my family to ask for me!

[Kaylouise30xx]

I too had the worst ever crying madness for 5 days after my chemo and i agree if was awfull, even though the consultants told me that it was a side effect of the chemo, i still couldnt stop crying!!

But once the 5 days were up i was back to normal but with stinging eyes!, they took me off the Taxol as they thought it was giving me toxic poisoning but i was still crying?!

I felt so sorry for everyone who came into contact with me during these days as i would just burst into tears, so i totally understand the constant crying,

Hopefully by now you are feeling more normal - Hugs Kay xxxx

[Clematis]

Hello Cathysal I have just started using the helpvine. I am completely the same as you, although I do vary it with bouts of anger! I am not sure what is worse. I have a standard reply to people who are not immediate friends and that is 'I am ok thanks how are you' that way I don't feel I am lying but it does fend them off before I start crying.

I also use lots of cheering up methods for myself such as putting on some really nice clothes, bit shallow perhaps but it does uplift me and my thoughts. Lots of love and hope. Clematis

[MargaretJ]

Hi Cathysal

I am not "the crying type" but Im weep at the drop of a hat! So bloody embarassing! Everthing makes me cry! I assume that it is just another effect of the chemo along with the neuropathy, cramps, joint pain and my (natyural I am told)m desire to scream "Why ME" But then again! Why not?

[TrishLey]

I found myself very emotional while having chemo ( I'm still having it). However I think that it's not embarrassing to cry , let it all out. It would be worse if you kept it in. Your family and friends love you, they will understand. You have had a terrible shock and are full of chemicals it's OK, this really is normal behaviour. It will get better as time goes on, things become more normal and you will settle into a treatment pattern that you can cope with mentally and physically. You are doing great and I'm glad you have found this site We are all here for you xxx Trish

[redpandaa]

I was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer two months ago, I just started chemo, and doing a 2 week on, one week off, three week cycle treatment. I am done my first two week treatment tomorrow. My emotions have been everywhere. I have been crying basically daily, so easily. Beyond that, I have so much restlessness and sadness and anger. It's intense and hard to handle, as someone who always has been calm and easy going. Has anyone found things that help alleviate the emotional distress?

[Hidden]

Welcome redpandaa.

I hope you realise this is site for women with ovarian cancer and their supporters. There is much in common between cancers but also a lot that's not. I think you'd probably get more useful support from fellow sufferers. I see there's a discussion forum here, for instance:

forum.pancreaticcancer.org.uk/

It's a good idea to check that the thread you're adding to is a current one. It can be upsetting when friends have died to have them brought to life when an old discussion is resurrected....

Digesting a cancer diagnosis is tough and very individual. Personally I think you have to allow yourself to feel how tough it is, as probably the quickest route back to feeling more like the self you recognise more of the time. Good luck with your treatment.