mixed emotions

today after numerous days of very poor oncology care my mother sees a doc who will give her the full diagnosis,she is now in her 8th day without food,NG tube and all sorts plugged in,she is very weak and things are going down so fast,her cancer apparently has spread all over the place....prayers now replace medication,but should I feel like theres no fight left,should I feel angry or upset,really feel lost

4 Replies

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  • Hi Shaun,

    It is natural and normal to feel both...anger, upset,you are in a turmoil and I feel for you...we often feel that the medical profession are slow to act..but I have a feeling that however fast they would start treating your dear mum...it wouldn't be fast enough...because it sounds to me your mum is already in advanced stage...of course I don't know...I am going by what you are saying..one thing is a certainty that she has a very loving son...and you are there for her every step of the way..my thoughts and prayers are for you and your family...sending you love and best wishes x G x

  • Hello again Shaun,

    I sent you a personal message a few minutes ago about your poem, and then another one on your blog before this one, as this question hadn't yet come on the site and I saw how things had moved on. Because of this, I won't say much here but only once again say that my thoughts are with you - my heart goes out to you at this frightening, horrible time. Try and stay strong for your dear Mom and your girls.You WILL get through this, Shaun. Accept any help offered, don't bottle things up and although it won't physically help you, maybe to know that every body on this site is with you mentally and emotionally will help you. It is very normal to feel all those emotions you are feeling - and many more, too.

    I wish I could put my arms around you. With love and hugs (((( )))), Solange

  • Shaun, dont be upset with yourself for all the mixed feelings you have.. I've been through similar feelings myself and really there is no right or wrong way to feel. You've not had a enough to come to terms with whats going on with your mum as its all happened so fast. You must be feeling so frustrated watching on and feeling helpless....but remember you are helping your mum by being with her, she will get great comfort knowing that I am sure..

    I hope you mum is not in too much pain and my heart goes out to you and your family.

    Julesxx

  • It is very natural to feel all three! I remember being very angry with my mother when she died because I had not been able to say everything I wanted to! My GP said that was "normal".

    She died in 1991 and would be in her nineties now, if she had lived, but I still miss her and often find myself picking up the phone to ring her with some news before I remember that she has been dead for over 20 years!

    When I feel like you I find it helps t get as far from people as possible and scream! Really empty the lungs and howl! I don't know why it helps but it does.

    Wishing you and your mum a close and peaceful time together!

    Margaret.

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