I didn't really know whether to post this or not but I thought all of you will definitely understand!
Over the last short while, in fact only a couple of weeks I have noticed by anxiety levels are climbing and I am now at the stage where I don't really know what to do! I don't think I have any symptoms that are out of the ordinary, some tummy issues but nothing different to normal. As I have mentioned I have been following a vegan food plan so I was attributing some of the digestive issues to that, they're not even issues really. But now I have myself worked into a bit of a state thinking that the OC may be back.........I am not bloated, I don't have any pain, I feel good (a little tired sometimes but I think that's relatively normal for post menopausal woman who have gone through Chemo??). This morning I rang my GP and made an appointment to see him cos I have myself worked into such a state. My dad ended up in hospital for some tests on his heart and kidney yesterday too and that's not helping with the anxiety!!!. I am not sure why I am posting even..........I feel bad as so many of you are going through so much! Did any of you experience anything like this? What were your symptoms when you did recur? I always try and listen to my instinct but at the minute I am not really sure what it is saying!!!!!
Sorry for rambling and thank you for reading!!!!
Dx
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HogwartsDK
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Hi D, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I feel you are doing the right thing seeing the GP. Maybe a low anti-depressant might help or could he do a ca 125 test just to put your mind at rest. I do recall it was caught nice & early but the mind is a different kind of organ & can play tricks on us.
I suffer with anxiety a lot but thats because I can't get in a good place & even now knowing my ca 125 is coming down I still feel quite anxious. I am on a mild anti-depressant which helps me sleep & does help my mood.
D you are one of the most positive members of our lovely group a real get up & go person. I hope the visit to your GP will help, thinking of you take care Cindyxx
HI Dx--I just wanted to write with some moral support. I know the anxiety is the worst at certain times--when you THINK something may be going on and the wait between test and result. An NED scan or a lowering ca125 can put all that to rest--for a period of time but I think we need to learn how to live with the anxiety. An anti-depressant sounds like it is somewhat working for you.
I think the fact that your ca125 is coming down is something you should focus on as that is always a good sign. As far as symptoms of relapse-some have none, others have many--each person is so different. I can tell you that the mind can make you think you have symptoms that you don't so focusing on ways to reduce the anxiety may be more productive for you right now. Have you ever tried things like yoga or mindful meditation? Exercising in a way that can get some of the stress out? Wishing you speedy answers and that your GP can put your mind at ease. Best and warmest, MaxJor
Hi Maxjor, thanks for the advice I have tried everything & more but it's not really helped me. I do feel my frame of mind is a big part of the problem.
I have had a troubled life with being abused most of it. That has left me anxious with bouts of depression with oc on top of that makes it a real struggle. Take care Cindyxx
I am doing yoga and funnily enough for various reasons I haven't been to class this week and maybe that is adding to the anxiety......will have to get to a class sooner rather than later! Thanks for your response!
Thank you for your lovely response. I actually feel better after the responses from all the great women on this forum and I knew I would! I am glad that I made the appointment with the GP, I have a great GP and to be honest if it wasn't for him I would probably be in a different place! I see him week after next and until then I am going to take it one day at a time.
Hi D, I am glad you have cheered up & have a nice GP that clearly listens to you.
The ladies on here have come up with the goods once more & have given some excellent advice. Sometimes we just need that little bit of encouragement to get us through the rough patches.
I want to wish you all the best through the ups & downs of this journey & let's hope you have lots of ups & very few downs. Take care love Cindyxx
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way....and it is perfectly normal! Anxiety will come and go with whatever we are going through. And it sounds like you are going through alot.
My answer is yes..there is something you can do to help, a few things actually. I had a huge period of anxiety before Christmas and then in Feb when I had my recurrence.
I found HYNPOTHERAPY worked wonders with me, and sometimes does not need very many sessions. My anxiety almost disappeared at times. Meditation helped hugely ( I can you links if you like to some free you tube videos). Just pop your earplugs in a relax. And I also tried regular Reiki, massage and reflexology helped a great deal. I still do these now so I stay as calm as I can.
Just remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS. This phase will pass and there are so many things which you can do to help. Have you also been to the Penny Brohn Centre? I found that transformational and saw many people totally calmed and serene there after just a day. Could you take 2 days out to do a retreat there?
I hope you feel lighter soon. So much love Nicky xxx
Hi D. So sorry you are feeling like this. I have to say I've not suffered from anxiety, but can imagine how debilitating it must be. I think you've done the right thing seeking help from your GP. Hope you get some relief. Sending you a big hug, know that we are here for you xx Kathy xx
I don't normally suffer from anxiety and the first time I really knew what it was when I was waiting for diagnosis so I am more aware of what it feels like now! As I said above I feel better after reading all the responses and getting a good nights sleep! I am still going to see my GP hes great and will do what he needs to do I am sure! I have changed my diet pretty radically in the last couple of months and I am sure some of it is just my body adjusting but you tend to think differently about every ache and pain after an OC diagnosis as you well know!
Headspace app is good, I don't know where you are in the country but (on good days) run various classes at my clinic. Mid August we have chocolate mindfulness, good for the soul. I can recommend a great mindfulness book, best not to order through Kindle as you don't get the CD that way. If you'd like the title just let me know.
Hypnotherapy is excellent. You may find just one session is enough. I generally advise four, but it does depend on how you get on.
It's almost like the unreality of being well is not possible. However when it's back you really do know, or at least I did. I had a very familiar pain that woke me in the night. Just one long stab but it took me back in time.
I'm about to tackle the treadmill, that's great for taking your mind off things, since the hospice doc gave me my huge list of exercises that I have barely done!
Thanks a million LA I must say that the idea of a Chocolate Mindfulness is extremely appealing........perhaps too appealing :):)
Good for you getting up on the treadmill your a mighty woman! I haven't been too active this week and I think that might be part of the problem......usually when I am active the anxiety doesn't take hold!
I totally know how you are feeling. I feel the same way at the moment. This might be way off but I find my anxiety climbing when ladies we were diagnosed at the same time as us, or even after us have reoccurred. Not only do I start to panic regarding symptoms but guilt also kicks in. This might not be the case for you but I know how you played an important part on this site when we went through treatment together. You have a kind heart and I think it's impossible not to be effected by our friends setbacks.
Recently I found this small "lump" on my tummy, well I poked and prodded it so much I bruised the skin. At first my husband couldn't feel anything then it grew bigger. My panic has reduced over the last week as I had my ca125 and it's continuing to drop and I've stopped prodding it. Low and behold it's now gone. I will mention it to the oncologist but I think it might have been a fatty lump that I inflamed!!!
My oncologist agreed that I should have my ca125 done every month but I now think it's too soon. I really got my knickers in a twist over the last test. It's trying to find the right balance. Is the anxiety of the test worse than not knowing in between oncology appointments. For me just now I think it might be, I've another couple of weeks before I see him and I might have changed my mind by then.
For me I do breathing exercises. I find them very useful and I also love yoga nidra which you can find on YouTube, its guided relaxation.
Take care and I hope you find something that works for you.
Thanks for your lovely response I know exactly what you mean about the guilt too its unreal isn't it! I feel better today I think yesterday was just one of those days at the end of the day what will be will be! I do go to Yoga but I haven't been this week other things got in the way and do you know I should have made time to go cos it really does work! Glad the CA125 is dropping for you, I don't get mine done regularly as it was never a good marker for me. I did get it done in April and it was 5, it was a year since I had gotten it done before that!
I will see the GP next week and I have my 6 month review with the GynOnc on the 10th October so one day at a time until then!
Hi Dee, I always take notice of your posts and feel a close bond with you as we went through chemo together until one of my hospital stays put me out of synch with you.
I am sorry you are feeling like this at present but you are certainly not alone. I had abnormal results from a liver function test recently and although reassured that the cancer has not spread, it has made me wonder what else is going on, so I am seeing my GP tomorrow.
Hope your appointment will help to reassure you too.
Thanks for the lovely response I feel the same way! It really is a full time job keeping the positive hat on isn't it? I think yesterday was a particularly bad day, my job is annoying me at the minute too and my dad is in hospital having tests so I think it all came to a head yesterday and was just a bit overwhelming! I must say I am so glad that you and all the other ladies on this forum are there! I have seen others say it but even though I have lots of very supportive people in my life you sometimes don't feel that you can burden them with what is going on inside your head, they just cant handle it really so I tend to internalise resulting in days where it just swallows you whole like yesterday! I feel much better today thankfully!
Best of luck with your GP today I hope everything goes well. I see mine Tues week, hes great and I know that even just talking to him will calm me down.....in the meantime I have you all.......what a blessing!
Hi D, I've just read all the replays and can not offer any helpful advice, only that I can understand, I feel like that most of the time, I'm on my 4 line of treatment in just under 3 years each time I'm off treatment back it comes, so when it's going well I just wonder how long before it's back.
Last week my younger sister died of breast cancer she would not take chemo and let it take it's course, it was so hard to see her go through the last month of her life all I do now is think I'm next.
When I read all the positive post it does give me a lift and I do try to give myself a good kick in the butt, it works for a while but back comes the anxiety. I've tried to do this with out help but realize I need to also go and see my GP or a support group.
In saying all this I do have a lovely supportive family and friends but as you all know it's not always easy for them to understand. Please do not feel bad about posting as this is one of the things I feel this site is good for, it has been of great help to me it allows us to know the feelings we are having are normal and with the encouragement we receive from all the lovely ladies it defiantly helps. Take care I hope you are felling a lot better soon Lorraine💙💙
I am so sorry to hear about your sister that is very difficult thing to watch I can imagine! I don't know where I would be without my sisters! I am sure she is now at peace and pain free though that will not take away your pain at this difficult time!
Thanks for your response and yes I am truly grateful for this forum, the responses have made me fell much better today thankfully!
Mind yourself and my sympathies again for your lovely sister.
I have definitely experienced extreme anxiety, and I'm dealing with it right now. I try hard not to project too far into the future. That helps me. One day at a time, and deep breathing helps too. When I had my recurrence, I had some minor pain in my abdomen, and when I slept on my stomach it just didn't feel right. So, I went to my G.P. and my CA125 was at 700. This was my situation, but that doesn't mean it will be yours. You will feel so much better after you see your GP. I think you are doing the right thing by going and telling him/her about your concerns. Keep us posted! Kim xx
Yes I did two thing yesterday I made my appointment with my GP and I posted on this forum and both of these have made me feel much better! Thanks a million for your response and I hope you are feeling good!
Hi DX I'm glad you did that and that you feel much better! Keep us posted. I am feeling good right now. I think my new chemo is making a difference. My pain is gone and I don't have any bloating! Life is good!! Kim xx
I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I've kept up with your posts.
Everyone here offers so much reassurance and it helps we all tend to feel the same. You have definitely done the right thing making an appointment with your doctor. I'm a great believer in listening to your body. Sometimes just having the CA125 done helps massively.
It's sad that s lot of us will probably suffer with worry for a long time. Any twinge gets me anxious.
I've never really asked what symptoms of recurrence would be.
You are an incredibly strong woman with lots of interests to keep you active.
I'm interested in hearing how your vegan diet goes. I have never eaten much meat but recently have only eaten chicken or fish. I only eat fresh foods now. Nothing from packets or foods that contain E numbers.
It's hard when you eat out and ends up quite pricey not eating in restaurants that serve frozen or microwave meals.
I hope that your doctor offers you the reassurance you need.
Ah hun, just seen this and wanted to extend my offer of virtual love and support. You should know by now that anything feeling like this isn't you 'just being silly'...with everything you've been through you are perfectly entitled to the odd wobble! I'm glad you decided to share on here and you've already had some wonderful responses, from which I know you will draw on. I'm also glad you have made an appointment to see your GP...just doing that alone will help alleviate your anxiety as I know how helpful your GP has been for you.
I'm pretty sure that your switch to a vegan diet will almost certainly be causing some if not all of the'changes' to your digestive habits...it's bound to...and the fact you have no pain or bloating are all positives. You are still allowed to wobble...we all are and i will say it again...it's PERFECTLY normal for anyone, especially those having trodden the OC path.
I agree with some of the other suggestions...yoga, chocolate, mindfulness, a flick through a trashy magazine, a phone call with a friend or even a jolly good book and a nice soak in the tub will help. I find Podcasts really help me, especially when my brain won't switch off. There are ger-zillions of free ones to choose from on a variety of topics...you are bound to find something that interests you.
Never forget though my dear...we are all here for each other, no matter the issue, no matter what else we are all going through. That's what makes this community so special.
Wobble central lastweek.......gripey very slight pains not even pains really but could be the new diet or the exercise so need to calm myself down which I have done now! Seeing GP next taking this week off work and just going to relax and do a few things with family. That was a great pic you posted lovely smiley happy faces........long long long may it last!
Thanks again for the lovely message!
Luv Dx
Hi D
I'm just reading this post now - 3 days later! I hope you're beginning to feel a bit better - anxiety is a bugger and can make us see things in a very different light........have you been to your GP yet?
I am grand now was having a major wobble last week just keep thinking there's something going on! Seeing GP next week cos I am off work this week and have a few things planned so just want to relax this week!
Hope you are feeling ok and have enjoyed the Bank Holiday!
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