Post Chemo and Pre CT Scan Anxiety

[caf132]

Hello Ladies-

Just wanted to post and vent and hopefully feel better. I( have my first scan Friday post 6 cycles of chemo. I am nervous and anxious even though my numbers are good. I think I feel worse three weeks out of chemo than when I was having it. I have more aches and pains and my neuropathy in feel is unbearable. My chemo brain is worse now that before.

I fell last night and cracked two ribs and my sternum giving the dog a bath. I went down like a ton of bricks. I am bruised and sore but the dog is clean. I really think i have underlying fear of the CT? and that life will never be the same again. The doc says that the average time of occurrence is 18-24 months.

My best friend committed suicide in January after completely beating Hodgins Lymphoma. she did have mental health problems her whole life but i could really use her right now. I have two college children living at home because they cannot find good paying jobs in their fields. Could not make it on their own yet.

Sorry to ramble on but really having a down week.

I hope everyone else is on the upswing.

XX to All, Carol

[Katmal-UK]

Hi Carol Sounds like you are on a downer which we all get from time to time and who could blame you! Though on the plus side the dog is clean! You must have gone down quite a wallop, to have injured yourself so, no wonder you are sore! The side effects you are experiencing will subside just takes a bit of time, when did you complete your chemo? As for the scan well we all have a dread of having CT scans and waiting for results but you do get used to them odd as it seems or maybe it's just that I've had so many (I probably glow in the dark tbh) that I don't start to panic until I am actually sitting in the consulting room waiting for results. I usually take my barium drink (cant have contrast) to the restaurant with me whilst I have breakfast (often wondered if they can tell I have just had breakfast on the scan???) and am no longer worried by them. Best wishes for your scan tomorrow, or rather the results of the scan, do let us know how you get on. Kathy xxx

[Lyndy]

Hi Carol

What you describe so well sounds really familiar to me! I felt very flat at the end of chemo, my balance was shot, I still had lots of side effects and the thought of the scan...well!!!

Everyone around me seemed to be celebrating the end of my chemo and it was just beginning to hit home that it was never going to be over.

This might be a good time to reach out for support...I went into my hospitals Macmillan centre and they offered me the Hope course and various complementary treatments too.

Maybe involve your children in having a day out or a pamper night in! (Oh and why are you washing the dog when they could be doing it?)

Instead of focussing too much on what happens next- you could reward yourself for having got this far and allow yourself as much time as you need to heal and process what's happened.

Your worry will not make the scan either better or worse than it is...but it will spoil your day- so don't let it.

Wishing you all the best

Lyndall xx

[caf132 in reply to Lyndy]

Thank you Lyndall for the kind words and support. You absolutely said it right-everyone else is celebrating your end of chemo but you know its not over. I thank God I have all of you out there that really understand this beast called cancer. You can run and hide but it finds you.

I am so clumsy these days, much worse that before I finished chemo. I look stumble drunk sometimes, lol. My chemo brain is worse also. i thought I would be going the other way by now. Oh Well.

Wishing you lasting NED and tons of hugs your way!!

XXCarol

[Shire62 in reply to Lyndy]

What a wonderful last paragraph stated by Lyndall!! I'm going to put this into practice every time it becomes necessary!!!

Much ❤️ love xxx

[Caroles1]

Hi Carol,

The ladies are right,we all gets downers, I am 21 months after chemo and still in a state of shock,but getting better slowly and looking for some long term support.But we are all different we all need to treat ourselves gently but get on with life.

It doesn't always happen at once, the key is to do what you want to do when you want to do it and at your own pace.

Carole xxx

[Minniemay]

You know, the surgeon that did my hysterectomy (?) told me if it's going to re-occur quickly, it's usually between 2 to 2 1/2 years, but I know personally of two women who have survived so far for 8 years & over 10 years. I guess those stories are what we need to concentrate on, but it isn't always easy. My first scan post chemo turned out great, the CA125 was excellent. The next one will be in January & I'm already thinking about it (only occasionally, though). It does kind of hang over you, but still must keep putting one foot in front of the other.I feel pretty good, so there is nothing to cause concern there.....but still.....

I'm glad that at least your doggy is clean!!

[Microbabe]

Omg you must have gone with a willop to have cause so much trauma... I know the struggle of bath time having two energetic young labs that love to roll in fox poop and any stinky thing they can find ..., I have just had my scan results which were fine but like you I am still having chemo like side affects a month down the line .... it's pants isn't it .... I thought I would be feeling a lot better but it's still kicking my butt!!! I guess al we can do is give ourselves time to recover we have been through so much ..... all the best for your results 👍🏻

[caf132 in reply to Microbabe]

Thank you Shelly. I actually think my chemo brain fog and neuropathy is worse three weeks out of chemo. I know it was cumulative but thought I would be getting better not worse. i am so clumsy!!! It looks like I am stumble drunk some times, lol. I have given my dog a bath for years, this time I took a bad fall. I am glad your scan results were good. Keep up the good work and stay positive.

XX Carol

[Cropcrop in reply to caf132]

You are still very close to the last treatment you had, they put it into us over an 18 week period and it is cumulative so really it stands to reason that it will take a while to leave us too. I am 23 months post treatment and still have some issues that will stay with me. My spacial awareness is altered, my balance is slightly off, I tend to stumble, my digestion is different and I still have the neuropathy which is a total pain in the doo dah, but and it's a very very big but, I'm still here to tell the tail. We adapt and move forward. Hope your ribs get better soon and like you say, at least the dogs clean, there's always an upside 🙂. Keep well and keep positive. Sending big hugs ❤️

[caf132 in reply to Cropcrop]

Thank you Crop-your insight is valuable being 23 months out. You are right, i am expecting too much too soon.

XX Carol

[Microbabe in reply to caf132]

I feel exactly the same I was hoping that every day would be an improvement but my health is still up and down ... hopefully things will get better soon for both of us 😃

[caf132 in reply to Microbabe]

Thank you Shelly- My body is playing tricks on me. what used to be easy is now hard and unpredictable! Yes-my dog is clean but she is also my saving grace sometimes. So glad to see you after coming home from work. My four legged psychiatrist!

XX Carol

[Bearup]

Hi Carol, hope you are not too sore after your fall. I've found this crappy disease and horrible treatment can take me to dark places but I also I know I don't lurk there for too long.

I recall someone in an earlier post mentioning rolling a ball under your feet might help with neuropathy.

Sounds like you are , understandably, anxious about your scan . You've been through so much but hopefully your scan, although stressful waiting for results, will be ok. Try not to be so hard on yourself . You've been through so much already.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend . It might be a good thing that your children are at home at the moment so they can help.

The great thing is that you have finished with chemo and hopefully every day you'll see an improvement.

Oh, I really hope you have a better day today.all the best, Sarahx

[caf132 in reply to Bearup]

Thank you Sarah- A good rant really helps once in a while with people that understand!

[Bearup in reply to caf132]

Rant and vent are two words I frequently use since all this kicked off. Helps though. Sx 😉

[luluw]

Hi Carol

I finished chemo in May and felt like you do. I walked with a stick for quite a while. We lose a lot of muscle during chemo and I think this causes some of the problems. I've concentrated on getting active again and building up my leg muscles and it has helped enormously. I am more or less stable now and the knee pain I had is much improved.

So take heart-it will get better and the feeling you will get when they tell you your scan is clear is the best ever!!

Love, Lou xxx