Limping to the finish line!!!

[Beckyjh]

into my last cycle of chemo now - 2 weeks of plaxitaxel left and I feel rubbish for being so miserable!!! Had my last carboplatin last Tuesday and this is the worst I've felt - can't stop feeling sick and am getting a bit fed up of everyone saying "only 2 weeks left". Does that make me really ungrateful? I know it's nearly over but that doesn't help how I'm feeling right now, and there's also that paranoia in the back off head that this may not have worked. Sorry for the miserable post - need to offload and feel guilty for not being more happy that 18 weeks of chemo is nearly over!

[doodoolatrice]

I finished six cycles of carboplatin at the end of August and felt exactly the same. I felt completely wrung out and drained and was struggling to remain positive which I was really surprised about as I had been counting off the days till the end of chemo and I was just about there so I couldn't understand why I felt so low. Like you I also worried that the chemo may not have worked. These feeling must be completely normal so don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. As for friends comments I had a friend point out to me "that it was good that I was still managing to keep the weight off " two weeks after chemo finished and I could have slapped her. Take care, rant away I for one completely understand where you're coming from., Kerry xx

[Beckyjh in reply to doodoolatrice]

Thank you - it's reassuring to know I'm not just being a miserable cow!!! Just want this all over and done with now. So nearly a month on how are you feeling doodoolatrice? Can't wait to start feeling normal again!!!

[doodoolatrice in reply to Beckyjh]

No, not at all, , you're far from being a miserable cow. I'm fine thanks, my CA 125 has come down to 12 and my scan is clear ( admittedly it didn't show much before chemo as my recurrence was tiny implants everywhere) but I'm feeling really well. I'm on

Letzarole now and my next check up is in December, so I'm making the most of no hospital appointments for a while and feeling normal again. Xx

[Hidden]

You are near the finishing line and exhausted, I agree with doodoolatrice, it is normal to feel down, weary upset etc. Could you contact the Macmillan nurses at your hospital and perhaps they could tell you where to get support. Sometimes the best support comes from attending a Cancer Support Group and not your family. My sister is in denial all the time about my illness and feels her pains and aches are definitely something to be worried about. So families eh!! My best support is a younger cousin who surprises me from time to time with a visit or gets me out to a play or for a meal. It is also normal to think that everytime you ache that the cancer is now in that particular area. So being miserable and fed up and out of sorts is normal when you are on treatment and post treatment. No one can know what we go through unless they go through it themselves. Sending you a virtual hug

[honiton]

Bless you,I will be thinking of you, yvonne xxxx

[Jillwendy]

Hi I've just had my last chemo of third line caylix and carbo and I know exactly how your feeling. Because of low bloods and a break for a holiday this line has lasted six months and although I am fed up with it I am terrified it's not worked , despite ca 125 down from 4500 to 118 prior to last treatment, lowest it's ever been is 82 so hoping for at least double figures at the end in four weeks. I have never been so emotional, just have to see my baby grandson and want to cry but we have to keep telling ourselves it's normal and we will get through it together. So if you and any one else on this wonderful site wants to rant, rave, cry or be miserable cows you and all the rest of us have earned the right to be just so. As long as at some point hopefully soon you pat yourself on the back and say well done, I got through it I am very special

[AnnieMae]

That's what we're all here for so share your feelings, good or bad! Chemo is so draining and our mind likes to mess us up even more. Try and focus on something you might want to do when treatment is over. Or Christmas if you enjoy the festive season (I love it!). You will feel happier soon, I'm sure.

Love

Annette xxx

[Bluehen]

You can do this. Don't feel quilty for how you feel, I think when we are broken physically, it breaks us down emotionally without our permission.

[daisies]

Beckyjh. Go right ahead and have a good moan and wallow in being 'fed-up'. You are not ungrateful - it is difficult to manage and cope with treatment and also worry about the 'what if' after it is all over.

I hate, hate, hate it when (well meaning) people tell me it is nearly over; aren't you marvelous in coping; or even tell me that were 'sicker'. You must now go and have a nice treat for yourself and believe that you are not paranoid and are perfectly normal for your present emotions.

So hugs and warm wishes on the way to you.

Regards, Daisies xxx

[Hidden]

dear beckyjh....believe me....i know how you feel. we are not miserable cows. we are women with a hideous, sneaky awful disease. and our treat,ents are systemic poisoning. its no wonder we become emotional, depressed, moody, teary, whatever.

may those who love us, love us.

and those who dont...

may the devil twist their ankles

so we'll know them by their limping. ( or something like that)

if friends cant understand or cant be kind, maybe best to put them on hold ..

family are tougher... mine are in denial, and/or, with the exception of my wonderful husband, running for the hills.

it is what is. ( she said, ending on a note of triumphant banality )

hugs to you

[Hertsmum]

Don't feel guilty, weekly chemo for 18 weeks is a gruelling experience I know!

You feel desperate for it to be over but scared of stopping treatment at the same time. It also plays havoc with the mind and emotions. It's a good idea to talk to your CNS or Macmillan nurse about what support is available at end of treatment. Some hospitals and day hospices also run

courses for people at the end of treatment to help you with moving on and adjusting to your 'new normal' (if you can call it a kind of normal!)

I felt a lot better after about a month or so and as my body regained strength, so line up some nice treats and plans to get you through this bit.

Madeline x

[KAB-RN]

I just has my last treatment yesterday. Diagnosed stage 4 OC on Feb 18. I too feel like I've gone to Hell and back.....I'm exhausted, weak, spent, bald, have chemo brain, and even though I'm glad to be through with it, I'm so scared to be finished.....what if it wasn't enough? Never thought I'd feel this way......

[Beckyjh in reply to KAB-RN]

I know exactly how you feel - I'm becoming more and more paranoid that it's still there. It doesn't help that I have a nasty abscess that hasn't been treated as my oncologist wanted me to finish all of my chemo first and that has caused my stomach to swell a bit! Looks like I'll finish chemo on Tuesday then get sent straight over to A and e to get it seen to. I suppose at least then it will all be over and done with all together!!